SSDD

Thank goodness I made it thru Christmas without going too crazy with the food consumption! I didn't really stick to too many healthy foods but I managed to come out from this weekend weighing what I did going in. (That was close - Remind me to never do that again!) No more sweet treats, fried, buttered up items for me. I have sinned and now I am movin' on!

This coming year will be a year of fitness. With my new Wii Fit and my boyfriend's new gym membership... I think I will definitely increase my working out. We went for the first time together this weekend. We each did our own thing. But seeing him do weights and be so meticulous and routine with what he was doing... made me realize that I could really learn from him. Cheers to a healthy 2010.

I feel like I am wearing the same three pairs of pants over and over. Oh wait, I am. They are the only pants I have that fit me right now. So I think I might need to invest in some work slacks to mix it up some. My other clothes are just overall fitting better. The tops are getting a bit baggier. And I finally broke down and purchased two new bras. I went down two cup sizes. So with the right bra I feel slimmer and better about myself. It is amazing when you have the right fitting bra how differently you carry yourself and look. I have had a large chest since I was in 7th grade. I never realized until I was 29 that I was wearing the wrong sizes my whole life. I was properly fitted in a specialty store since I couldn't find a bra in the typical bra section. The wrong size bra was making me look so much bigger than I was. Even though I am in a larger bra size than I thought I was... since it fits right my chest looks smaller. It is amazing how that works. Go get fitted ladies!

Goals for this week: Get back on track with my eating

Weight for today: 210 (still here)

"Your hair looks great"

We have friends and family come every year to my family's hosted party and everyone kept giving me complements about how nice my hair looked. Not the fact I have lost a bunch of weight but out of all things... my hair? Seriously, like 20 complements on my hair! My hair did look nice that night but don't they look down? Is that what people say when they don't want to offend you?

This week following my second fill I have no more restriction than I did before my fill. I am kinda disappointed that it didn't make any difference. Granted it was only 1cc added so now I am at 5cc. I hate to say I rely on it, but I do. It reminds me something is inside of me, reminds me my little helper is there rooting for me. When I don't feel any restriction I feel like I could force myself to eat more even when I shouldn't. (that is so bad, but true!) I have to slow down and chew more. It seems like such a little step but I really have to be conscientious of it. I am trying to eat better proteins after stocking up on some chicken, ahi tuna, salmon, edamame, hummus and a few others. Not down any more on the scale and just trying to make it thru Christmas without overeating or indulging in to many cookies. Day by day is all I can say!

Goals for this week: To not make excuses for not going to the gym. We all do it! I have days off this week and a long weekend so I have to take advantage of it.

Weight for today: 210

... it is just another road to take

Ever feel when you explain weight loss and your struggles to those who have never had a weight problem... that they just don't get it?

I am not sure if my weight loss is enough for some. Like it should be more. Granted I do feel a little greedy some days wishing it was more myself. But if it comes off to quick I don't want a jiggly ass or else where. That isn't healthy. And getting to 150 won't happen over night. I would of thought the person who would be the hardest on me would be myself. Today, I don't think this is true. Granted, I do get a lot of support from those I do tell... but come on people... see how far I have come! I don't have high blood pressure, no more migraines, I have got my period back and have been regular thus far, I religiously take my vitamins, I am down two sizes, and most of all very happy with my progress. I never thought I could be here even so soon.

I guess I need to be careful with my words when I explain things to those who are thin their whole lives. I have to teach and give more insight to my struggles cause Weight loss surgery isn't an easy way out... it is just another road to take.

Second Fill

I just got back from the clinic for my second fill. Let's just say he took extra precaution in numbing me since the last fill was so painful and not successful until an x-ray. Thank goodness it was more numb this time because he was really pushing into my side with a lot of pressure. The port seems to move around as he added pressed down with his hand. The nurse kept me distracted my asking me questions about life and work. It really helped. Every so often I would feel a prick but I just took a deep breath and all was okay. I knew I had to have a positive mind set this time. Plus he kept calling me "kiddo". Just as he was saying he might have me go to Radiology, he hit the port just right. He was so relieved. He only put in 1cc this time. I don't know if I was hoping for more or not I was just relieved he actually hit my port.

I learned I am eating too much cheese and I need to eat more proteins. It is okay for cottage cheese but anything else I need to cut back on. I really need to re-evaluate my eating so I can form better habits. Plus my activity needs to increase. I just can't go to the gym 2x's a week - I need to make more of an effort. Going into the clinic is a big reality check and I need to step back and realistically try harder.

Month Two

First, the outfit I wore to the holiday party was a hit. Even though it was my boyfriend's holiday party - It was kinda like my own as well since I used to work there too. So I had not seen some people for awhile. It was great to see everyone, but even more of a reward that I received so many complements. "stunning" "sparkly" "gorgeous" "amazing"... words that I never thought anyone would describe me as. It felt so good. A big boost!

A big success at two months, being down two sizes and down 20 pounds. I never thought I would of been here only two months after. It was a big goal of mine to be down 20 before Christmas... and here I am two weeks before. Wow! What a great accomplishment.

I have my second follow-up appointment this week. I hope to get a fill. Not looking forward to the actual poke, but the feeling afterward. I haven't felt much restriction the past two weeks. I feel as if I have ate a lot more food. I need to remind myself to eat slower and chew more. I have been braver with the things I have eaten. But trying not to fall back into foods that are not nutritious or filling. It isn't an easy route. But just knowing I am 10 pounds away from the 100 digits is VERY encouraging. I just need to remind myself that when I am feeling greedy about the weight loss and wishing it was more.

I need to go to the gym more often than I do. I have been disciplining myself and pushing myself to run harder and longer on the treadmill. Mind you, I am not a runner at all. I feel the machine shake when I run too. But with headphones on - who cares! I jog most of the time, or I push myself to run at each 1/4 mile marker. I think if I keep this up, I will be able to run the whole mile. I have a close friend who has been a big motivator in my active goals. She is a great friend over the years and a huge supporter with my journey. She has her own weight loss goals but I have looked up to her since she has been very strict on her running. She has went to not being able to run a mile, to running a half marathon. I am so proud of her. Maybe one day I can run along side of her. You know who you are and I thank you, girl!

Goals for this week: Gym! Gym! Gym!

Weight for today: 210 (adios 20 pounds!)

Follow up to my horror of dress shopping....

My frown is now upside down :-)

I found something to wear to the holiday party! Hooray! I opted for a skirt instead of a dress. I liked what the manichean at the store was wearing so started off copying it - then turned it into my own. I am glad I found this skirt. It fit perfectly. It even has little glittery goodness sown into it so it makes it more cocktail party appropriate. I also purchased a shinny purple thin scarf, purple clutch and so little crystal earrings. I have a pair of black flats... to pull off the "after hours librarian look". hahaha (and yes, I am a dork who took a photo of myself in the dressing room)

Thanks for the positive posts! It made me feel warm and fuzzy.

Testing Patience

I know, I know... The gastric band is meant for us to loose weight slower but I am sure feeling greedy. I wish each week when I weigh myself that it is going to be more than 2 pounds. But this week I have no weight loss so Miss Little Lulu, my gastric band, showed me who was boss. (We are still in the getting to know you phase)

Also testing my patience this week was shopping for a holiday dress. I bought one before my surgery and now it doesn't fit and looks old lady-ish. I am not a big shopper but now I need to find a dress to wear. I like to go in and get what I need and then onto the next store. I dislike malls for a many of reasons. But I think I don't like them because there is never stores that I can fit into their clothes. I attempted to look in stores I wouldn't normally.. feeling all good about myself. I started out with my normal Ross and Marshalls trips... but didn't find anything. We went to the mall since I know I can fit into a size 16. Some stores carry that size so I figured what the hell. Me, again getting greedy and ahead of myself, I got really disappointed b/c I couldn't fit into anything I tried on. All of the joy of being able to wear 2 sizes smaller.... all went to hell and shopping in hip stores made me feel like a totally fatty.

Goal for this week: Turn my frown upside down.

Weight for today: 211

Thanksgiving

This past week was Thanksgiving. I loved having the 4 day weekend and being around family. But the downside is the food. Overall, I did well since I didn't snack at all but having larger meals than normal doesn't make it better. I noramlly take my food and shakes with me when I stay at the bf's house for the weekend - but this time I didn't. I think it would of helped me stay on track/over eat if I did. So something to do next weekend and to rememeber when I go out of town in the future.

We ate at my boyfriend's family house during the day, then ate another meal at my family's house. I took a little of everything and that added up. I tried to eat the protein first and remember my guidelines to follow. For the first post surgery thanksgiving it went okay. Not the best, just ok. I was surprised at how much I was able to eat. I didn't feel full right away like normal. So the rest of the weekend, I ate two more big meals aside from turkey day dinner. Still eating way more than normal. I wonder where it all went and why I was able to eat that much when I had not been able to do that before. Sunday I weighted myself to see what the damage was... it surprised me since I was down 2 more pounds. Must of been the two days I really pushed myself at the gym?

I am sure everyone has experienced this but it seems to be happening more... Every day not just thanksgiving day. It is family who loves to cook and takes offense to you not eating what she made. It isn't my family but my boyfriend's. The Filipino culture revolves around food. And I don't want to offend her by always saying no to the foods she makes or sitting down and eating with them when I bring my own food. I have told her countless times that I am "on a diet" and "trying to be good". But I think now she is noticing more and more that I keep saying no thank you. She even asks me questions like... You don't like the food I made? You don't like Filipino food? Why don't you eat with us and not go out to eat? You don't like rice? The questions seem to be getting more detailed and harder to avoid. I truly don't want to hurt her feelings in any way, I just don't know what more I can say.

The greatest thing happened on Sunday. My boyfriend hugged me, a nice long one, then he stood back from me and looked me up and down. I didn't know why until he said "I can wrap my arms all around you, nice and tight! You are loosing weight hun!" Then proceeded to keep hugging me over and over for a few minutes in disbelief... It was the best feeling.

Goals for this week: Get a smaller bra, Eat slower

Weight for today: 211 (one more pound to -20)

Downsizing

I am really learning what I can and can not eat this week. It was my first week of eating solids. I started out with mussy foods and then worked my way to more textured things. I was scared at first since I kept reading about people vomiting if their foods didn't go down. So I took it pretty slow by chewing everything and eating slower. I also learned that I have to eat my protein first since the time I didn't I ended up getting hungry an hour later and eating more. Not what I really want to make a habit of.

I bought a "laptop lunchbox" or a bento box and took that to work with my lunches in it. I never finished each day I brought it since I didn't realize how little I would need to eat to get full. I heard about the bento box from another gastric blog... The world according to egg-face. If you haven't checked her blog out - do it. It is fantastic and she puts a lot of effort into her posts.

Since I have dropped a few pant sizes I needed to get some pants I can actually wear. So we went to Ross. I went in search of pants. I went to the 16 section. Normally I go to the plus size racks. I picked up a 2 pairs of pants, that I thought I was getting ahead of myself since the jeans I have at home are 16s are stretchy jeans. So would I really fit into the ones I was going to try on? I held them up thinking that they were pretty small. But I took them into the dressing room and proceeded to try them on. Once again holding them up, I unclipped them from the hanger and slipped them on. Wholly crap! The first ones fit. I was in such shock I wanted to run out and tell my boyfriend or text my friend, but I just starred at myself in the mirror and proceeded to tear up in total astonishment. The second pair would for sure not fit because the legs were not wide enough or boot cut. But I tried them on anyways... and wholly wholly crap... these fit too! I have never tried on two pairs of jeans and they both fit. I normally have to grab every pant in sight to find the right one. I walked out of the dressing room so excited and I ended up getting them both.

I went home and put all of the pants I couldn't fit into anymore to the back of the closet. (This is where I used to keep my skinny pants) The stack is taller in the back than in the front now. So long size 20s!

Goal for the week: Get the new pants hemmed so I can wear them!

Weight for today: 213 (-17 pounds)

One Month Photos

Before @ 227
One month @ 214

I notice the most difference in my stomach, I am getting my chin back, and my hands are thinner. Even though it has been a short amount of time. I would of never thought that I would be able to loose this amount of weight at all. It is baby steps but a huge deal. I weighed myself last night and I am down 2 pounds since Monday. That is only 3 days. I hope I can keep loosing at a steady pace now that I am into my next stage of eating. Today I am wearing my size 16 jeans again. It feels so nice. Not to mention my face is pretty clear. Must be the vitamins. (I have to remember not to wear a black shirt next time too)

My family has been big supporters in all of this. They notice the most out of anyone. But maybe that is because they know what I had done. No one else has really said anything to me. They must all think I lost weight from getting pneumonia and are to polite to ask. My boyfriend states he doesn't notice but I think no matter what i looked like he would still "just see me".

Weight for today: 214

First Fill

After yesterday and the pain and discomfort I had with my first attempt for my fill totally freaked me out for the second try which was done today via x-ray. Last night I could barely sleep because the pain was so bad. (And I am no wuss) With bruising and swelling of the area as the night grew on, It makes me wonder if the next time will be like this.

Today I had to check into the main hospital to go to the Radiology center. I was escorted back and met with my RN who was to prep me. Prep me? Yeah, I had to get a gown on, a hair net and lay in a gurney. The doctor who was to do the fill spoke with me about what he was going to do, then I waited for the room to be open. I am allergic to contrast dye - so they could not use that but I guess the IV version is much stronger than what you swallow. I was rolled down the hallway into the room, laid on the x-ray table as they prepped me. It was the works for sure. It wasn't just an ordinary x-ray room - this was the most high tech room I have ever seen. From 6 flat screens, ceiling x-rays to even the bed I laid on. I asked about the room and I was informed it is a multi-purpose room meant for even the most complex x-rays. (Like putting stuff into people's brains)

The cameras were now on, and I was numbed. It is a live x-ray which was pretty cool. Even better because within seconds the fill needle was inserted and I never felt a thing. It was 4 cc's of fluid placed this time. I felt the pressure of him pressing against my port to fill it. He left the needle in as I drank some fluid. He watched it and I drank again. It went down and thru the port at the right speed so he took out the needle and cleaned me up. They also marked the area (which you can see in photo) where he entered. Way off from where my surgeon went thru. The best part was not only did it not hurt but the doctor went over my scans with me. I could see screen by screen the fluid going thru, the actual port, my stomach and the band itself. That was awesome. They rolled me back and I put my clothes back on. I had to go up to the surgeon's office so they could take photos of the entrance for when the doctor gets out of surgery.

I feel so much better having the x-ray done. I recommend it to anyone who has a bad fill experience. Zero pain. Glad it is over with and now onto solids in a few days.

---
Top 5 NSV's:
1. Down from size 20 to a 16
2. Had my period (this is a big deal since it was 6+ months)
3. Rings fit (my fingers aren't as chubby)
4. Favorite jean jacket fits better (no more arm sausages)
5. No more high blood pressure!

One Month

Today is my official one month of being banded. I can't believe it has been this long. It seems like I just was there last week in surgery. I would say the first month is the hardest, but do-able. I am sure my recovery and weight loss would of been quicker if I never got sick with pneumonia. (major downer)

I am still coughing but mainly at night. It has increased a bit at the beginning of the week since I felt like I was getting sick again. I ended up taking a day off and slept till 2pm to make sure it wasn't just because I was wearing myself out. I think the stuffy nose and mucus caused me to to cough more. I am thinking of getting some Musnix on the way home to help my lungs get everything out.

I ate a bit more than normal at the end of this week. I think it is because I really don't have any restriction and tired of being on liquids. I do really well on the week days but the weekends are harder b/c I am social. I am still only taking small walks since I go into coughing fits. I ate out both Friday and Saturday nights. Friday I had Vietnamese porridge and hot tea. Then Saturday I ate chicken tortilla soup and with a side of black beans. We were out with friends for the Sat night dinner and talked so long that I started to get hungry again while sitting there. I ended up eating 5 tortilla chips with salsa. I think having the "side" of something helps give the illusion of others that I am eating more than I am. No one except my family, boyfriend and a few close friends know I had Gastric Banding done. Not ready to talk about over dinner.

All weekend I kept thinking about today and getting my first fill. Who ever said it doesn't hurt is a big liar! I thought that the numbing hurt but it has a bit of a sting to it. Nothing bad just had to take a few deep breaths to get me thru. Then I thought it was over. I didn't realize that it was the numbing he just did but the 4 inch needle was next. I should of never looked at that thing. Scary. He tried for 10 minutes jabbing me and making me tighten my tummy muscles. I could feel him missing and moving the large needle around. I even felt a gritty feeling of him hitting the port with it too. Each time he hit the port it felt like it was sliding out of place. Any time he went past it, I had a very sharp pain. I was sweating like a mo fo. I sweat so much that my shirt was wet enough to get the exam table paper wet. My whole back, butt and legs. Should I stand, arch my back, hold my side.... nothing I offered he wanted to do. He stated it was because of the scars are so new that they are larger at this stage. But I am so thankful that the x-ray option is available. So tomorrow I have to go back to the main hospital instead of the clinic to go get my fill via x-ray.

Goals for the week: To not be in pain when I get the x-ray fill tomorrow. And to post my before and 1 month photos.

Weight for today: 216

Week Three

It is now week three and I am still on a liquid diet. The most I have is cottage cheese and poached eggs. I don't think I am allowed to even have those yet but it offers me substance that I just can't get with soups. (Is that cheating?) My motivation is slowly in a downward direction with only being on liquids. Thank goodness my first fill is a week from today. I know I can make it till then. I am really looking forward to it. But since today is the start of a new week I have to gather my thoughts and learn from my mistakes this weekend - to start a new week off right!

I realize that when I am in "one of those moods" I can not be alone in the house. Since I live with others there are foods I am not suppose to have and I wanted to eat them out of sheer boredom on Friday. But the interesting thing is it is foods I have never really wanted before that I am drawn too. Friday when I got off of work late it was the start of the bottomless pit. I wanted to eat anything and everything. I had a mini kit-kat, a thin slice of cake for the icing, and a slice of cheese. It lasted the whole weekend. I even wanted ice cream and I am not a big fan of it. I so wanted it but resisted. I knew I could be strong for my mental hunger craving.

Mainly on the weekends I stay with my boyfriend so I have been bringing my shakes and soups with me. We use to go out to eat a lot since we aren't big cooks at his house. It has been difficult because he wants to eat things I can not eat or he wants to go to a certain restaurant that I can not order anything at. I don't think he really understands what my limitations are right now with eating. I have to not only be disciplined with myself, I have to teach him along the way too. I don't mind but in some way I wish he already knew the answer. He has been very patient with me and that I am most thankful for. We ended up going to a Chinese food place and I ordered won-ton soup. He ordered a noodle soup instead of a dish. It was nice of him to have soup with me.

Being out and being social is still the hardest part. I think I am full when we leave the house but then a couple of hours out I get hungry again. Most of the time I don't have anything I can bring with me to snack on. I mean, what can I bring with me that still falls with in my liquid diet that can be put in my purse? Does anyone have any suggestions?

This week I have a support group meeting, physical trainer appointment and then my first group meeting with some existing southern cali bandsters thru Lapbandtalk.com.


Even though I have not lost any weight this week. (maybe this is why I felt so down about things) I did purchase a nice black sweater from Kohl's. A new one opened up near us and since we had never been into one we thought we would walk around. I ended up risking 'severe disappointment' by trying on a smaller size. Instead of an XL which I am normally drawn to... I picked up a Large and it fit perfectly. I was so excited. Now it just needs to get cold so I can wear it.

New discovery... Almond Milk. Instead of soy milk. So yummy blended with Vanilla shake mix, ice, banana.

Goal for this week: Stick to the plan. Stay positive. Walk.

Weight for today: 217

50 Easy Soups

Courtesy of Food Network Magazine

1. Basic Chicken- Chop 1 onion, 1 celery stalk, 2 carrots and 1 tablespoon thyme; sauté in butter until tender. Season with salt and pepper. Add 6 cups chicken broth; simmer 20 minutes. Add 2 cups shredded cooked chicken, 1/3 cup mixed chopped dill and parsley, and some lemon juice.

2. Chicken Rice- Make Basic Chicken Soup (No. 1); omit dill and add chives, chervil and tarragon. Stir in 1/3 cup cooked basmati rice.

3. Italian Wedding- Make Basic Chicken Soup (No. 1) with a rind of parmesan in the broth. Add 1 pound mini meatballs, 1 cup orzo and 3 cups torn escarole; simmer until the orzo is tender.

4. Chicken Dumpling- Mix 2 tablespoons softened butter, 1 beaten egg, 1/2 cup farina cereal and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Drop half-teaspoonfuls into simmering chicken broth; cook for 3 minutes after the dumplings float.

5. Escarole and White Bean- Cook 3 chopped garlic cloves and some red pepper flakes in olive oil. Add 3 cups chicken broth, 1 head chopped escarole and a parmesan rind; simmer 15 minutes. Add 1 can white beans, parmesan and salt.

6. Butternut Squash- Sauté 1/2 sliced onion with a pinch of thyme in butter until soft. Add salt, pepper, 2 pounds diced butternut squash and 5 cups chicken broth. Simmer until tender, then puree.

7. Squash and Sage- Make Butternut Squash Soup (No. 6) using 2 shallots instead of onion. Fry sage leaves in the butter. Replace 1 1/2 cups of the broth with apple cider; add nutmeg. Top with crème fraîche and the fried sage.

8. Parsnip-Bacon- Make Butternut Squash Soup (No. 6); substitute 2 pounds parsnips for the squash. Top with crumbled bacon and crème fraîche.

9. Asian Chicken- Puree 2 garlic cloves with a 2-inch piece peeled ginger; fry in oil with 1 bunch sliced scallions. Add 3 cups each chicken broth and water, 1 tablespoon each soy sauce and sherry, and a pinch of sugar; boil. Add shredded cooked chicken, sliced carrots and snow peas; drizzle with sesame oil.

10. Spicy Dumpling- Make Asian Chicken Soup (No. 9); add frozen dumplings instead of chicken. Top with Asian chili sauce.

11. Spicy Tortilla- Puree 2 seeded, soaked ancho chiles, 1 onion, 2 tomatoes and 2 garlic cloves; fry in oil. Add 6 cups chicken broth, 4 torn corn tortillas, some shredded cooked chicken and 1/2 cup cilantro; simmer until thick. Add salt; garnish with crisp tortilla strips, Mexican cheese, avocado, cilantro and lime juice.

12. Stracciatella- Beat 2 eggs with 1/3 cup grated parmesan. Drizzle into 6 cups simmering chicken broth; cook 2 minutes.

13. Egg Drop- Cook 1 tablespoon chopped ginger and 3 chopped scallions in sesame oil. Add 6 cups chicken broth and 2 tablespoons each soy sauce and sherry; bring to a simmer. Slowly pour in 2 beaten eggs and cook 2 minutes.

14. Sausage-Bean- Make Escarole and White Bean Soup (No. 5); sauté 4 chopped sweet Italian sausages with the garlic.

15. Egg-Lemon- Cook 1/2 cup pastina in 6 cups simmering chicken broth with 3 tablespoons lemon juice. Beat 2 eggs, 2 yolks and 3 tablespoons lemon juice; whisk in a little hot broth, then stir the mixture into the soup. Cook over low heat until thick.

16. Potato Chowder- Sauté 4 ounces chopped bacon; add 2 tablespoons butter, 2 sliced leeks and 2 teaspoons each sage and thyme. Add 4 cups chicken broth, 1 1/2 cups cream, a bay leaf and 3 chopped potatoes. Simmer until tender; top with chives.

17. Potato Cheese- Make Potato Chowder (No. 16); stir in 8 ounces grated sharp cheddar.

18. Clam Chowder- Make Potato Chowder (No. 16); omit sage and use 2 cups each clam juice and water in place of broth. Season with cayenne. Add 2 cups clams during the last 5 minutes of cooking.

19. Corn Chowder- Make Potato Chowder (No. 16); omit sage. Stir in 2 cups corn during the last 5 minutes of cooking. Garnish with diced roasted red peppers.

20. Minestrone- Chop 3 garlic cloves, 1 carrot, 1 onion, 1 celery stalk and 1/4 head cabbage; sauté in oil. Add 1 can each white beans and diced tomatoes, 4 cups chicken broth and a parmesan rind; simmer 20 minutes. Add 1 cup ditalini pasta and simmer until tender. Add salt and pepper.

21. Fish Chowder- Make Potato Chowder (No. 16) with just 2 ounces bacon. Omit sage; swap the cream with half-and-half. Add 1 pound white fish chunks and 1/2 pound flaked smoked trout during the last 5 minutes of cooking.

22. Pistou- Make Minestrone (No. 20); add 1 sliced zucchini and 1 cup diced butternut squash with the vegetables. Swirl in pesto.

23. Tortellini- Make Minestrone (No. 20); substitute 1 cup tortellini for the ditalini.

24. Sweet Potato- Sweat 2 chopped onions, 4 chopped garlic cloves, 3 peeled and cubed sweet potatoes, and 1 teaspoon coriander in olive oil. Simmer with 6 cups chicken broth until soft. Puree; top with salsa.

25. Curried Sweet Potato- Make Sweet Potato Soup (No. 24); use butter instead of oil and add 1 tablespoon curry powder with the potatoes. Top with chutney.

26. Curried Red Lentil- Cook 3 chopped garlic cloves, 1 each chopped onion and carrot, 1/2 tablespoon chopped ginger and a pinch of cayenne in oil. Add 6 cups water, 1 can coconut milk, 1 cup red lentils and 1/2 cup rice; simmer 20 minutes. Garnish with lime, cilantro and scallions.

27. Split Pea- Simmer 1/2 pound split peas with 1 each chopped celery stalk, onion and carrot, a ham hock and a bundle of fresh herbs in 5 cups water until tender. Remove ham and bone; pull off the meat. Puree the soup; stir in ham.

28. Vegetarian Pea- Make Split Pea Soup (No. 27); omit the ham hock. Puree just half of the soup and mix it back in; add 1 cup diced carrot. Top with croutons.

29. Cheddar-Horseradish- Sweat 2 each diced carrots and leeks in butter. Add cayenne, salt, 3 tablespoons flour and 2 tablespoons dry mustard; cook 2 minutes. Add 1 bottle beer, 1/4 cup horseradish, 3 cups water and a dash of Worcestershire; simmer until thick. Whisk in 2 cups half-and-half and 1 1/2 cups cheddar.

30. French Onion- Cook 4 sliced onions and 2 thyme sprigs in butter, covered, 20 minutes. Uncover; cook 1 hour, or until caramelized, stirring occasionally. Add 6 cups beef broth; simmer 10 minutes. Add cognac, salt and pepper. Top with gruyère toasts.

31. Tomato Alphabet- Boil 3 cups chicken broth, 2 cups tomato juice and a pinch of dried oregano. Add 1/2 cup alphabet pasta, and season with salt and pepper. Cook until tender. Stir in grated parmesan.

32. Tomato Orzo- Make Tomato Alphabet Soup (No. 31) with orzo instead of alphabet pasta. Omit parmesan; top with feta and dill.

33. Carrot-Ginger- Sweat 2 sliced shallots and 3 tablespoons minced ginger in butter; season with salt and pepper. Add 1 pound sliced carrots, 2 tablespoons rice, 2 cups chicken broth and 3 cups water. Simmer until the rice is tender, then puree.

34. Carrot-Dill- Make Carrot-Ginger Soup (No. 33); omit the ginger and add chopped dill. Garnish with sour cream.

35. Pappa al Pomodoro- Sauté 1 chopped onion in oil until tender; add 3 chopped garlic cloves, some red pepper flakes, 1 large can chopped tomatoes, 1 cup water and a basil sprig. Add 2 cups stale bread cubes; simmer 20 minutes.

36. Thai Coconut- Sauté 3 sliced garlic cloves, 3 tablespoons grated ginger, 1/4 cup chopped lemongrass, 1 teaspoon each cumin and coriander, and a Thai chile in oil. Add 1 sliced raw chicken breast and 1 sliced onion; cook 5 minutes. Add shredded bok choy, 4 cups water, 1 can coconut milk, cilantro and 2 tablespoons fish sauce; simmer 8 minutes.

37. Black Bean- Soak 1/2 pound dried black beans overnight; drain. Sauté 1 each chopped celery stalk, onion and carrot and 2 smashed garlic cloves in oil. Add beans, thyme, a bay leaf, a ham hock and 5 cups water; simmer 40 minutes. Remove ham and bone; pull off the meat. Puree the soup; stir in the ham.

38. Mexican Bean- Make Black Bean Soup (No. 37); omit thyme and add 1 teaspoon each chipotle chili powder and cumin. Puree just half of the soup and mix it back in. Mix in the juice of 1 lime; top with sour cream, cilantro and salsa.

39. Curried Cauliflower- Cook 4 sliced leeks with 1 tablespoon curry powder in butter. Add 1 head chopped cauliflower and 1 garlic clove; cook 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Add 5 cups chicken broth; boil until soft, then puree. Simmer with 1 cup cream.

40. Thai Shrimp- Make Thai Coconut Soup (No. 36); omit the chicken and add 1/2 pound peeled small shrimp during the last 5 minutes of cooking.

41. Potato-Leek- Sauté 3 cups each sliced leeks and cubed potatoes in butter. Add 1 sliced garlic clove and a pinch each salt, pepper, thyme and nutmeg; cook 5 minutes. Add 5 cups chicken broth; boil until potatoes are tender, then puree. Reheat with 1
cup cream.

42. Beef Borscht- Sweat 1/2 head chopped cabbage and 2 each chopped celery stalks, leeks, carrots and parsnips in oil. Add thyme, 1 tablespoon tomato paste, a bay leaf and 10 cups beef broth; simmer 30 minutes. Add 4 diced roasted beets and 2 cups shredded cooked beef; simmer 15 minutes. Top with sour cream and dill.

43. Potato Broccoli- Make Potato-Leek Soup (No. 41); add 3 cups broccoli and simmer 5 minutes before pureeing.

44. Vichyssoise- Make Potato-Leek Soup (No. 41) with water instead of broth. Strain after pureeing, then chill. Omit the cream; stir in half-and-half and top with chives.

45. Watercress- Make Potato-Leek Soup (No. 41); add 2 bunches chopped watercress and simmer 3 minutes, then puree until smooth.

46. Garlic Broth- Sweat 2 heads garlic (smashed and peeled) in olive oil. Add 8 cups chicken broth and a bundle of fresh herbs; simmer 40 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.

47. Garlic-Chorizo- Make Garlic Broth (No. 46); add 1/4 pound sliced chorizo during the last 10 minutes. Add chopped spinach.

48. Garlicky Broccoli- Rabe Make Garlic Broth (No. 46); add chopped broccoli rabe and small pasta during the last 10 minutes. Top with grated parmesan.

49. Tomato-Lime- Make Garlic Broth (No. 46); add 3 chopped plum tomatoes during the last 3 minutes. Stir in lime juice and chopped cilantro.

50. Peas and Pesto- Make Garlic Broth (No. 46); add 1 cup frozen peas during the last 5 minutes. Stir in pesto and grated parmesan.

Week Two

I am on the path to getting healthy. I still cough a bit but I am somewhat feeling normal again. My antibiotics are done with and so that means I can not say I am sick anymore! I really want my lung strength to come back so I can go for longer walks or even to the gym. I don't have a trainer appointment until next week. So by then I gotta get some activity in there so I can feel productive with my recovery.

My biggest struggle this past week has been social. Attending two birthday parties and Halloween has made it difficult. I think the social aspect of things will be the hardest for me since I am on liquids until my doctors appointment on Nov 16th. Gessh, The Pressure! I have stayed pretty good except I ate a few bites of icing off of a birthday cake, a Starbucks soy chai and a piece of spam. I ended up feeling guilty and like crap after eating those things.

I don't get the same kinda hunger as I once did. I don't get hunger pains or a rumbling really... I seem to get light headed and no amount of water makes it go away. It feels like someone is pressing against my head with two hands. Odd! Since I can't tell when I am hungry or really how long I can go without eating... I am still trying to figure out how my body is reacting... I get light headed or grumpy and need to eat. I think I am pushing it to far. I also got a bacterial infection from my pneumonia antibiotics. I think my body is going thru so much it can't handle the simple things.

On a positive note: Since I have lost 13 pounds so far, my smallest jeans don't fit anymore. I can pull them off without having to unbutton them. Good thing I have a few dresses for work I can wear. It is a great feeling to have clothes be too big instead of too small. The bummer part is right before I was approved for my banding, I gave up thinking I would ever fit into certain clothes and I donated a bunch of things. All of my smaller jeans, shirts and bras that I never wore. My current wardrobe is size 18-20. Looks like I will have to shop for some cheep transition clothes.

This coming week's goal is to drink more water.

Weight for today: 217 (I passed the 10 pound mark and I didn't even know it!)

Meet "Lulu" the Lapband

I felt naming my band is a good idea. I was going to name it Claire after the nurse I had while in the hospital but then it didn't fit. So with some research on names I shall name my band.... Lulu!

- The meaning of the name Lulu is: Pearl(Tanzanian)
- Lulu is also derived from the name 'Luyando'(Zambian) which means love
- Origin of name: African

So in a lump sum: She may be pearly white, shinny bright and new, but her love will keep me strong and dedicated, as well as her sassy attitude.

Week One

So it is now officially over one week after my surgery. I am officially banded! I wish I could be really excited about the whole process until this point but it has been really hard this past week. From having the surgery, to the flu, to the pneumonia, to the allergic reaction of and my skin burning and itching... it has been hell.

Last week it was very easy for me to not really think about food because I was sick and isolated at home. But now I am now back at work. Shouldn't be that hard for someone who just sits at their desk all day, but I work for a company that owns some hotels and restaurants. I am working on designing new fall menus and even offered taste tests of the new food items. I am surrounded by food. I see and smell all of this yummy food but I can't even have a bite. The Chef was so excited to share his new creations too. I had to tell him I can't keep anything down. (liar) But then he stated he would be back next week with something else. Crap, what do I tell him then?

I am still on my clear liquid diet and feeling down about it. I need a change. I am feeling light headed and need something else in my tummy. I only eat per day 3-4 chocolate protein shakes, protein water, regular water, hot teas, 1 cup jell-o. Occasionally I will have broth but it just makes me sad to even look at it.

My boyfriend has decided that he isn't shaving until I am better. Boy, he is sure gonna be harry by the end of this all. Pneumonia isn't an overnight recovery. The funniest thing is he doesn't grow hair continuously all over his face, it is patchy. Adorably cute. But I would rather have a smooth surface to kiss. So I guess I better get well soon... I think that is his goal in all of this. Gotta Love the guy :-)

Weight for today: 221.5 lbs.

----
After posting this, I got a call from my clinic and they stated I could eat soup or something as long as it had no more than the consistency of split pea soup. After work I stopped at the store and purchased some home made soups. Went home and pureed them. I swear it felt so good to get something in my stomach. I ate 1 cup of tomato bisque and I was full the whole night. No rumbling of my stomach. It was great!

Photos of first week

Here are the oh so sexy socks that they give you to wear while you are in the hospital. I hate socks too. I like to be barefoot but they came in handy since my feet were cold the whole time in hospital. I ended up wearing them out of the hospital. So I kinda stole them.

This is my first meal. Chicken broth, Hot tea, Orange Jell-o, Apple juice. You can't have juice at this stage so why did I get it?

Some items that got me thru the week: A bear with exercise band tied like a bow - given to me by Doctor and staff, A cool water bottle my dear friend gave me, Kleenex, my sexy socks, a heating pad, the bariatric binder with all that I needed to know this week and forever, pink nail polish, my incentive spirometer and a M-S pill traveler to put my vitamins in.

Then my tummy shot. Looks gross and bloody but not painful. The spot that is bloody is the port. The largest cut. Notice my skin is really red - that is the allergic rash I got. Compare it to my hand's skin color. Big difference. It is strange they went thru my belly button. But now I can't put my belly ring back in until that sticker comes off around the area. Hope it doesn't close. Fingers crossed.

My First Week

Tuesday: First part of morning was woken up by nurses to get vitals, go pee for the first time, and to eat something. Broth, jello and hot tea. Not that bad but I really only ate the broth. Laid around all day with my mom until I was released at 3pm Tuesday. I was told to use my incentive spirometer every hour as I had the following day. I did it while I was in the hospital but once going home I wasn't as disciplined. By the time I got home the meds where wearing off and I was in the most pain ever. And was getting a temp. I tried to sleep but kept waking up to pee. I am no longer on high blood pressure medicines. This whole time my blood pressure has been low which is a shock t me because it has been so high the past few months.

Wednesday: I was starting to cough a lot and had shortness of breath. This made it hard to blow into the spirometer. My temp was 102* and called my surgeon to ask what to do. He stated I should drink plenty of liquids. I napped and walked a few times to the corner and back. But never felt any better this day. It felt like I had the flu. Ding Ding! I had a flu shot while in the hospital! I think that was a big mistake.

Thursday: I ended up going to urgent care today since my temp had not changed. It was now 103*. While I was there they had me to a chest cat scan to rule our blood clots and see in detail what was going on in my lungs. I had to do the test twice b/c the first time i guess I moved. They inject you with a fluid called Contrast Dye. So since I had to do the test twice - i got twice the dye. I didn't think much of this at this time. After the tests came back and a lot of waiting I was told I have phenomena. I was then reminded that I probably got his sick b/c I didn't use my spirometer like I should of.

Friday: On meds now and blowing every half an hour on my spirometer... I was itching and my skin started to burn. Now what it is!?! One thing after another. The rash didn't go away at all today. So in the evening I went back to the urgent care b/c I thought I might be allergic to the meds they gave me. Come to find out the dye they injected me with I am allergic to that. And I have twice the amount in my body. It is suppose to fade away with in a few days. I was told if it gets to bad to take benadryl for the itchy burning in all my hot spots. So when I gt hot - it burns. The good thing was I didn't have a temp at all and was feeling better aside from the skin burning. I weighted myself today: 224lbs. Only -3 pounds. I would of thought it would of been more.

Saturday and Sunday: I felt depressed by this time of the week. I was bored of being in the house and being sick. Sick of being sick! I have had very little pain from my surgery and now was able to sleep on my sides. I kept up with the blowing part to bring my lungs back to life. Just overall down on myself. Plus I then started my period! After 6 months of not having it. Wholly cow another thing to deal with.

God is totally testing me this week. Bright side of things: I think my face and ankles look thinner.

Day of Surgery

I was up at 4am to shower with the anti bacterial soap and then off to the hospital to be there at 5am. My mom drove me but my boyfriend met us there. No one was around and the main lobby entrance was just opening up. I checked myself in and then was lead to the pre surgery waiting area. I was to be the first operation of the day so i didn't wait long in that lobby. I was called to the back to put on my gown, get an IV going and get one last scrub of my surgery area. It was kinda weird being in there. I had not known what to expect. So I kept asking a lot of questions. Me and my IV was lead back into the lobby to sit and wait for a nurse to take me to my next destination.

We were escorted towards the recovery area, only one person is allowed to go into this area with you. So I briefly kissed my boyfriend goodbye and said I loved him. I knew he couldn't handle going into this next room. There were people preparing and recovering from surgery in here. It was kinda scary. As soon as I walked in, I knew i could barely handle it. I laid in my gerny that would soon take me to the surgery room. This is when i started to cry. I got really nervous and my mom just held my hand as she stood over me. Soon the anesthesiologist came and gave me some calming drugs and then everything got really fuzzy. I remember being wheeled into the room, moving to the op table, and telling them if i could go anywhere in the world I would go to the movies. That was it! Next thing I knew I was walking up back in the first room. The nurses were really nice and comforting too. Once more alert I was able to go to my room. The rolled me down the hall to get my mom and boyfriend. I was taken to my own mini private room.

My dad and brother came to visit later. I felt totally fine. No pain really. I was also told to blow into my incentive spirometer. Later I would find out how important this little plastic thing would be. I started walked around in the later part of the day. Only with assistance.

My day went by quick with a couple of naps. They stayed as long as they could but they both needed sleep as well. At midnight the nurse took out the catheter. So i didn't sleep until that was done. Plus it was kinda scary laying there solo with all the lights off.

Weight for today: 230lbs (water/fluids increased my weight today)

Days up till Surgery

Saturday we ended up in Carlsbad going for a long walk along the lagoon. It was a great opportunity to get outside and have some solo time with the boyfriend. We talked a lot about the surgery that day. For dinner, since I could still eat, we went to one of our favorite spots... The Karl Strauss Brewery Restaurant. I had a wedge salad and some beef skewers from the appetizer menu. It has a wonderful view of Japanese gardens with a koi pond. It is so relaxing and romantic. This weekend has been a great one aside from constantly thinking of my surgery.

Batiquitos Lagoon
http://www.batiquitosfoundation.org/newsite/index.php

Karl Strauss Brewery
http://www.karlstrauss.com/PAGES/Eats/SorrentoMesa.html

Sunday is the day before my big day. I ended up cleaning my room and preparing myself for my recovery period. I also drank the magnesium citrate carbonated drink. This is an oh so innocent looking bottle but dang it packs a punch on your intestines making you flush out anything you have ate all week. I couldn't really sleep that night mainly because I was getting scared. I had to be up and at the hospital at 5am. I think i stayed awake until 1am.

Physical - 3 days before Surgery

Weight for today: 227

Today I had to meet Dr. Wittgrove at his office to do paperwork, meet and greet with staff, weigh in, measurements, body photos, order my Vitamins & shakes. After completing my list at his clinic I have to walk to another doctor for an EKG with general practice doctor named Dr. Dominguez. He even suggested I should get tested for sleep aptnia because of the size and shape of my mouth. Totally strange… I have never had a problem sleeping. I then walked over to the main hospital and admitted myself to hospital for a series of tests: blood, urine, chest xray, pelvic camera, ultra sound. No one told me I would be getting a camera up my crotch so I wasn’t too happy with that one. I took the whole day off and it took all day being there with all of the tests. Now I have one step done and then onto surgery.

Fight Club: Support Group

I went to my first official Support Group meeting last night. I have been too meetings before but this one particular meeting was an actual support group meeting. You know, when you all sit in a circle and share your stories. (Why I am thinking of Fight Club?!?)

I sat there quietly to myself watching people come in and sit or be reunited with other fellow members. Gabbing and catching up. I felt out of place when I realized I am the youngest one there! I am not that young, but there was a noticeable difference in age between myself and those circled around. Most were my parents age or older. Where are the youngsters? Who am I going to relate to?

Totally to my surprise I was one of 3 people who were pre-surgery. Everyone else had bypass or banded. And all had the same doctor. Feeling a bit more comfortable at this time because a woman sat near me and asked me if I had the surgery done and how far out I was. When I told her I have mine scheduled for Monday (wholly cow) she seemed to lift her head a little bit more and stated that she had hers done 2 weeks ago. And this was her first meeting. Now I felt so much better knowing that I wasn't the only newbie in the group.

I sat thru the meeting, not really saying much just listening to testimonials and triumphs. Then it was over. So soon? I realized it went by so fast because I enjoyed myself and took mental notes of what the members were saying. Now I can truly see how Support Group meetings help people. Being able to relate to people going thru the same thing you are or can give advice to new comers is so worth going. I also think spouses or partners should go too. That way they can support you outside of these meetings day to day. Maybe even get a bit healthier on their own too.

So ultimately what I am trying to say is, if you have never gone to a Support Group meeting go at least once or a few times per year. I do agree that people who interact will be more successful. I mean, you have these people's brains to pick or use as cliff notes for your own life. I am for sure going next month when I am banded.

Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt in Fight Club 1999) "Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: if someone yells "stop!", goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: the fights are bare knuckle. No shirt, no shoes, no weapons. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight. "

Saying GoodBye

With the date nearing... I feel it is time to start preparing my farewells. I have to truly say goodbye to all that I have known. The way I have lived my life has got me to this point. I can not blame another soul, except for myself. I don't like the person who I see staring back at me in the mirror. I have lost myself. And it is time to say good bye to the old me. I am not sad to say goodbye, I am just scared.

Since I need to say goodbye to my old-self... I also need to say good bye to wrong food choices. This was my farewell meal this past weekend. The ol' college stomping grounds of Woodstock's Pizza. The pizza that was shared on so many drunkin' nights or dorm gatherings... always Woodstock's Pizza was there. It reminds me of fun college days and the people i met along the way. ...ahhh, so many memories of college past. Good Times. Thanks Woodstocks Pizza for the memories. But so long.... adios my dear friend.

The countdown begins!

It is now officially October and so the countdown begins.
Oct 19th here I come!

How do I feel knowing my life is going to change? I just want it to be over with... to get the show on the road. I am nervous of what will happen on surgery day. I have never been in the hospital. The only time I have ever been "put out" was when I had my wisdom teeth removed. So I am hoping it will be like that... since I have nothing to reference too... you know, how you're alert for one second and then the next you're out cold... Waking up and not feeling a thing... I hope for that. I will call it "la la land". I am just puttin' along reading blogs, testimonial books, online sites and bariatric cook books. Also wondering if my band will be male or female... what I shall call him or her. mmm....

So if anyone reading so desires to give me some advice about what I should expect or what helped them - feel free to comment below.

Daydreaming...

Ever since I have made my surgery date official... I keep day dreaming. Of what you ask? Aww... I am dreaming of the complements I will get from those who can tell I have lost some weight, To prove to those who have doubted me that I can do this, To be just like all the other women's blogs I keep reading (additively) about, to look in the mirror an be able to tell a difference with each passing week and know I made the right choice. There are so many things I am looking forward to that I keep dreaming of. It is even preventing me from getting some serious projects done at work. Shhh, don't tell my boss. :-)

It feels like I am standing on a cliff. And right before you jump into the water, your life should flash before you... but instead I see what lies ahead. Knees are a little wobbly but I know once I dive in - it will all be worth it!

Thank you to all the women who have put their story out there. I have read so many blogs this past week. Knowing that there are people out there that are going thru the same thing as I am, makes this whole process more comforting. I don't know anyone who has had a band or bypass. And now reading tons of blogs I feel like I know those who I read about now. Thanks Ladies!

I can't wait any more... 24 days away and it seems like forever!

29 Days....

After finding out that my insurance approved me for surgery I got excited then scared... the day I have been waiting for is finally here. Should I still go thru with it? Should I just go on a really strict diet? What was I thinking... the opportunity that I have been given is right in front of me!.. But I didn't make the surgery date just yet...

I wanted to go to the hosted introductory/group meeting that Dr. Wittgrove held this past Saturday. I asked my boyfriend to go with me, and I am so thankful he went. It helped him understand more about what it is and why it would help me. Just listening to Dr. Wittgrove and a testimonial by a previous patient of his, made me realize I am doing the right thing. So I called into their office first thing this morning and made an official date... Monday October 19th is the procedure date. 29 days from this very day.

The Friday before, I have to go in all day for a physical exam, which I have to fast for. Not sure what will occur on that date. I do know I have to pay my deductible, purchase my vitamins and protein shakes then. Plus that night prior will probably be the last time I will eat a solid food for the next month. I think out of this whole thing that will be the hardest to deal with. But with having the procedure done in October, I get a whole month before the holidays arrive.

About Banding and Why I am Here

This is the second time of going thru the process of surgical banding. The first time was about one year ago thru another Scripps Clinic. It was the Scripps Clinic of Weight Management in Del Mar. A great group of nurses and doctors that i got to know pretty well after 3 years of attending their clinic. It was such a struggle then because my insurance at the last minute stated I wasn't covered. It was such a let down and made me not want to try again.

Well here I am again and now going thru a new clinic called the Wittgrove Bariatric Center in La Jolla. The center is run by Dr. Allen Wittgrove. His qualifications make me feel comfortable going to this center. On the his website it states :

"Dr. Wittgrove pioneered the laparoscopic approach of gastric bypass surgery, performing the first laparoscopic gastric bypass as primary surgeon in the world, in 1993. He and his program have performed over five-thousand bariatric procedures."

At this clinic they use the Realize band. Another brand similar to "Lapband". Here are some facts that are on the www.realize.com website.

• The REALIZE™ Injection Port has the lowest profile of any injection port to minimize its appearance under the skin, even as you lose weight.

• The REALIZE Band offers a high-volume, low-pressure balloon. It’s designed to reduce the potential for tissue trauma.

• As the widest band available (23mm), the REALIZE Band is designed to decrease the potential for band slippage.

• No adjustable gastric band has a lower leak rate than the REALIZE Band.

• Patients receiving a REALIZE Band may experience less pain and less time under anesthesia than patients receiving gastric bands with sutured ports.

Not only knowing about the actual product - knowing the doctor and staff is the best way to be comfortable. Learning about what the band really does for you - as I hope for it to be a great TOOL in helping my life become healthy.

Right now, I have high blood pressure and i have not menstruated in almost 5 to 6 months. I went off of my birth control to help me loose some weight.(Mmmm, yeah, I stayed the same.) I really want to be healthy and gain my life back. To be the person who I have always dreamed of being. If I don't start now - it is going to keep haunting me and effecting what i really want in life.

I don't want to get any bigger.
I don't want to be a fat bride.
I want to have a period.
I want to be able to have babies.
I want to feel in control of my eating.
I want to feel comfortable and maybe even get a sexy complement. (wink)
I want to be able to paint my own toes.
To not struggle getting up or out of the car.
To be able to buy a bra from Victoria Secret - that would be cool.
Oh, to shop at any store instead of plus sized.
To be able to have my family complement me instead of noticing how much bigger I am.
To lay down and not feel like my boobs are gonna be the death of me.

Wholly Crap!

I told myself that I would start a blog to show my progress with my weight loss. I never thought I would be starting the day i got THE CALL!

I just got a call from my doctor's office stating that my insurance has approved for my gastric banding! So much is running thru my head. I feel like crying. The day that i never thought would come - is really here. It is surreal.

The nurse stated I could schedule an appointment as soon as two weeks. Oh my gosh, my life could change that soon. I know I have to wait a few paychecks to be able to get enough for my deductible due at the time of my physical. I never thought they would approve it so quickly - if not i would of started to save for it a while ago.

It is really time - time to change and face my fears... surgery... healthy habits... happiness about my weight and how i look. The out come is only good but why am I so scared?