Social Drinking & Eating

I seem to be moving  between a 2-3 pound gain/loss the past few weeks. It goes down a few pounds and I feel right on track - then the next day it is back up 1 - 2- 3 pounds and then I am just not happy.

I feel really great about my progress during the week days. I feel in a schedule and routine that I like. I have 1 - 2 shakes a day as meal replacements. I eat fruit and try to eat a protein dinner. Then on the weekends I don't have that schedule at all. I do eat a breakfast, a shake then just have a dinner. I sleep in later so I don't feel the need to eat a lunch.

I need to find that right balance. Some days I have it. Then some days I don't. Being conscious of this everyday is very hard. It comes a lot more natural than it did at first. It became easier and the weight just came off so easy. Now, one and a half years later I still struggle with this. I am looking for an easy fix to keep moving forward but I feel there is this wall that I just keep tying to get over, I keep struggling, I keep falling, but yet I feel like I am hitting the wall each time... over and over... It makes me so mad at myself that I haven't really gone down much. Not sure why it isn't sinking in my head or in my routine. Each day is different and how I feel about myself.

Social eating is always a hard one. I try to make it so it isn't noticeable that I am eating less than everyone. But yet someone always mentions that I am not eating very much or why I am not eating. It is hard being out and not really drinking with my friends. I used to feel very comfortable drinking a few beers- knowing my limits - then driving home after sobering up. Now it takes me a long time to feel sober to drive. So I prefer to not even drink at all. I like to say in certain circumstances that I am the designated driver. 85% of the time it is true. But before I would have one beer and be in the mix and having fun. There is this urge to still have a drink in my hand. This weekend I discovered San Pellegrino Aranciata Orange Soda. It could be a nice alternative to typical soda if one hard that urge. I poured it into a cup so it looked like I had a mixed drink. It seemed to work.

Here is the nutritional information...

I ate so many appetizers at a party this weekend that I didn't feel hungry to even eat my dinner. Even though I had stood in line to put food on my plate, put enough on my plate to fill it up, then sat down and didn't touch it. I felt bad waisting the food but I felt powerful to know when to stop. It was definitely a NSV- Me against food. I know I need to find that limit for social events because I still love to hang out and go do dinners with friends. I don't want to be a social outcast and loose those connections. Just need to keep making mental notes of it to keep me focused in front of temptations.

And yes, I am still working on the no-carb rule. Been a little 'flexible' last week. But refocusing and going to do it. Also contemplating a 3 day cleanse.

Goal this week: FOCUS

Weight for today: 199.2

I Can See The Light

I am trying to remember what it felt like to be heavier... It seems like a faded memory but is slowly becoming harder to remember.

- I had to grip the steering wheel to pull myself out of the car
- Tying my shoes (oh wait I always wore flip flops since I hated not being able to breathe bending over)
- Having people give me quick hugs since they couldn't get their arms completely around me
- How my shirts always bunched up on my back side and how long they looked on the hanger - but they looked short on me since my tummy used all the fabric to cover it
- I had to extend my arms further out to be able to grab a box and carry it in front of the boobs
- Not being able to cross my legs like a girl - I could cross my legs but it was more like how a guy can
- I was always the funny girl who felt in the shadows of her friends
- If things were shitty I would comfort myself with hitting up a junk food drive thru
- I thought it was okay just to be present not part of things
- I thought being on prescription medicines was the way of life

I wondered what I would feel like down the line once I was banded. I always wanted to be a certain person in my mind. But today I am somewhat the person I want to be. I am still not there 100%. I wonder if I will ever be that 'perfect' image of myself. Today, I can tell you I am trying my hardest to get there. Today, I am a hell of a lot better person, stronger, passionate, caring and very thankful for those around me. Life is such a precious gift and not to be taken for granted. I know that some of my friendships have faded but I also feel that those who have stuck with me - our relationships have grown. These people make me stronger. I couldn't of gone this far and been this disciplined if I didn't have those people around.

Each day is hard. It is a constant battle to count calories. To be 100% accountable for my actions and consequences. It is hard to find a healthy mindset when being tempted. But being banded is helping me get to this 'perfect' person I so much want to be. I know she is in reach now. This person is who motivates me and who I see in my head when I need to step it up at the gym or my mindset. When I need that little boost.

What is it that motivates you?
Who do you see in your head?

Right now I am trying to get down to a size 12 so I can buy some new clothes. To loose 10 pounds before my vacation in July. To feel good about myself and how I look at my brother's wedding in November - I want to knock'em dead when I see my family and friends. I also feel like even though I have not lost much weight for a LONG time now I am still improving my strength mentally and physically. I am also trying to have better posturer - I hunch over when I sit at my desk all day. I have tummy muscles now, So I need to use them. The light is getting easier to see at the end of my tunnel. I just have to stay on track and I will eventually get there.

Goal for this week: Keep being positive and strong at the gym. Don't let the fat girl mentality ruin a good day.

Weight for today:

Shootin' Hoops and Eatin' Dogs

Things are definitely going in the right direction for not just one week but now 2 weeks.... I am keeping up with my new protein shakes. I managed to get a 3-day cleanse in - even thought I did it wrong. I will need to do it over again. But having a thicker shake instead of the usual protein shakes I was drinking is really helping me stay focused, full and motivated. Three things that are a must! I plan to do the 'real' cleanse in a few weeks. I am really being diligent about sticking under my 1300 calorie diet.

As for the working out, I am pushing myself harder at the gym still. I started to do running intervals to increase my heart rate and burn higher calories. It helps! Plus it keeps me from getting bored on the treadmill. I keep attending the Tuesday Spin class even though the instructor sucks. I just do what I feel is right when she does something that isn't correct. I also take what she is doing and push myself harder or add more resistance. So far so good. It is kicking my ass and I am am honestly there for ME not the instructor... so I have to do my part. I don't see how an instructor who is so bad has a prime time for her class... 6:15pm on weekdays!?! 


Funny work out story.... My boyfriend asked me to shoot hoops with him at the gym before going to run on treadmills. Well short version.... I ended up with getting hit with the basketball as it came down rebounding off the rim... TO MY FACE.... right between the eyes as I was looking up. I was trying to get the 1st ball that was shot since we were rotating between the 2 basketballs - not seeing he had already thrown the 2nd ball.... Luckily it didn't break my $400 pair of glasses just slammed against face instead! I have a swollen face right between the eyes, bump on my nose and 2 black eyes. And yes, I cried like a baby in public. It hurt that bad but the story is pretty funny today.


I was able to climb the steep stairs at the baseball stadium all the way up to our nose bleed seats without panting! I also was able to walk all around downtown that night without being tired. We walked over 12,000 steps! I wore my BodyMedia arm band to the game.... so I can count how much we walked per hot dog, 1 cup of nachos and 3 light beer consumed. It seemed to balance out since I didn't gain anything on my weight in this morning. The guy next to me asked why I was eating my hot dog so slow. I literally took 10 minutes to eat it. Granted, I was savoring it and all its calories... but I was having a hard time eating it without some resistance to my band. Think it was the bread. Since I didn't want to blurt out that I was having this problem... I just told him that since I had been thinking about the damn hot dog and having one a the game all day - that I wanted to savor it so it would last. Then he proceeds to tell me recently entered a hot dog eating contest but lost!?!

I needed this crazy chaos and fun since I have been so stressed with work and I need to chill the hell out so my blood pressure can go down. Yoga anyone?


Goal for this week: Keep it up and void playing basketball with my face!

Weight for today: 197.4

In the Right Direction

Today is a great day, I am down a few pounds from last week. I weighted in today at 196.4! This is such a great feeling to see the scale moving and to see in my BodyFit Media log that when it states "weight loss trend" that it really is accurate. Yey me! 

Since my last post I have been on a no carb plan. Which means so no bread/white carbs and limited my fruit intake. But I figured that eating fruit is a must and even though the 4 hour Body suggests no fruit. I well, have been eating some fruit here and there. I made it thru most of the last week without carbs.. except for Saturday's Cinco de Mayo celebration festival. I ate a whole basket full of tortilla chips with salsa and a rolled taco. I also celebrated with a Mango margarita. I only had one. But the next day I went right back to no carbs.

Yesterday I received my Shakeology shipment. I ordered Chocolate and Greenberry mixes. Granted it was not cheap to buy both. But I wanted to be able to not get bored with only one flavor. They are about $110 each for 30 servings. I might need to limit myself with these shakes so I can make them last longer. But we will see how it goes. The company you buy these shake mixes from match you up with a Beach Body Coach. Mine, happens to be someone I know. Its kinda like an Avon rep. ha ha ha Anyhow she suggested I do a cleanse right when I first start drinking these shakes. I had been wanting to do a cleanse anyhow .... so why not use something that I already have. It consists of 1 shake 3x's a day, with fruits/veggies/nuts for snacks. Today is my first day. Sounds easy enough.

I saw my general doctor last week for an annual. Joy. She was very concerned with my blood pressure. It was at Stage 2 levels. Wholly Shit! Not good. I have to monitor it for 3 weeks and then go back to her for a follow up. The reason why she didn't put me on meds right then and their was that I told her I didn't want to be on any meds again. I have worked really hard to not be that unhealthy person anymore. Going back on BP meds is a slap in the face. I know it would only be temporary but it is my pride. I have monitored my BP for one week - it is high. I might just have to suck it up. But I have 2 more weeks to keep tracking it so maybe it will turn in my favor. I have been going to this doctor for a few years now, she is nice, always seems in a hurry... but once i told her I was considering weight loss surgery - she proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions about if it is right for me or not. Each time I am there she asks me questions about how things are going. Her tone when she asks me questions, I get the feeling she is anti-weight loss surgery. I just tell her how happy I am and i feel it was the right choice for me. Then she moves onto the next subject. Interesting. So with my blood pressure, I hope to have it under control and stop stressing about and being a worry wart. I worry about everything and anything - even things that are out of my control. Lately it has been mainly with work projects and a few things in my personal life.

Goal for this week : Finish cleanse and keep up with water

Weight for today: 196.4