I was looking back at some photos me me from the past few years and really took a second to think that what I look like now, is what I thought I looked like then. Boy my own perception was waaaay off! It never occurred to me how BIG I really was until now. It saddens me to know that I didn't even see me own self as 230 pounds.
Here is how I recall it:
High school in 1996 I weighed 170.
My freshman year in college I gained 15 pounds. At the end of my Freshman year 1997 I took phen-pen and lost 25 pounds within 2.5 months. I remember weighing almost 150lbs then. I was so happy, guys were paying attention to me and always complementing me. I thought I was on top of the world.
Over the years thru college I gained the weight back but wasn't ever above 190. I think it was b/c I walked or rode my bike all the time. Where I lived everything was in walking distance or you rode your bike.
After college I started working at jobs that I sat all day. Plus I then had the money to eat out a lot. So I gradually got myself to be above 200.
In 2005 I did a liquid diet thru a weight loss clinic. I had lost less than 25 pounds and got down to 190.
Over the next few years I was in a relationship and all we did was eat eat and eat. He was a big guy , over 300 pounds and 6'3. I thought I could eat like him. I gained all the weight I had lost plus more back. Not putting blame to him but just the fact I could eat the same about as a guy of that size. Pretty crazy! Glad him and his eating habits are outta my life! ha ha ha
In 2007 I worked my way between 220 and 235. I tired doing the liquid diet again but i kept failing. Loose 5 - Gain 10. I attempted to get banded at this time but my insurance declined me at the last minute. I think it was because I was on Cobra a the end of this process. I was really bummed about not being able to proceed. Nor did I have the money. I even consulted a financial planner to see how I could take my 401k out! Call me crazy!
2007 is also when I met my current boyfriend! My life I was so happy, so in love with my boyfriend, so UNhappy about my weight. He is a positive person and small eater :-) Skinny his whole life and for sure doesn't understand the word Dieting. He is no more than 160 and has a metabolism that we are all jealous of. I love him tons! He thought I could loose weight on my own. He stuck by my side this past year even though it wasn't something he wanted me to do. He didn't want anything wrong to happen.
End of 2009 I was approved - started this blog - and less than 2 months later was banded in October 2009. My weight at that time was 230. Even though the scale said those numbers I really never felt that big in my mind.
Today my perceptions are so much different of myself and who I was, who I am now, and who I will become.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Setting Goals
I feel as if I need to set some goals. I think if I add them to my blog it will make it official. Then I HAVE to do them. My weight loss has been pretty darn slow lately. Mentally struggling and scale struggles... Argh!
Goal 0.5:
(I can have half goals right?) To get a fill next week.
Goal 1:
My birthday is at the end of August - I would like to loose 10 pounds by then (190 lbs.) Turning 32 I would love to be in the 100s. Start a new year off right.
Goal 2:
Cruise in Sept - I would like to be able to wear my striped bikini bottoms then. Currently they are a bit snug as mentioned in previous post.
Goal 3:
October is my 1 year mark - I would like to loose 20 pounds by then (180 lbs.) This isn't my grand goal weight but for now I think this is a manageable mark to start with. I have 4 months and counting....
Goal 0.5:
(I can have half goals right?) To get a fill next week.
Goal 1:
My birthday is at the end of August - I would like to loose 10 pounds by then (190 lbs.) Turning 32 I would love to be in the 100s. Start a new year off right.
Goal 2:
Cruise in Sept - I would like to be able to wear my striped bikini bottoms then. Currently they are a bit snug as mentioned in previous post.
Goal 3:
October is my 1 year mark - I would like to loose 20 pounds by then (180 lbs.) This isn't my grand goal weight but for now I think this is a manageable mark to start with. I have 4 months and counting....
Monday, June 7, 2010
All Ears!
I am really making a BIG effort to slow down when I eat and listen to the band telling me I am full. I have get my mind fixed on it and in that mode of working with her! I just am feeling like even though my body is still changing I just want the scale to change as well. I am still holding on to the 200s for WAY TOO LONG! It's a new week and new rules!
I have mixed up my work out routine to some new weights and focus areas. I am hoping that doing more circuit training will help. I feel it has so far. The first circuit I did was really hard but not it is a bit easier and i can move thru it quicker. This is great but i think if I mix it up more often my body will benefit from it.
A funny thing happened when I went to Costco this week. Once I was at the register and placing my items on the counter, I really took a look at what I was buying. I looked like a health conscious person. There was no junk in my cart. Soy Milk, Vita water, plums, blackberries, Acai juice, Turkey jerky. It made me feel pretty great that I was making great choices for myself and the new life I lead!
Goal for this week: Listen
Weight for today: 201
I have mixed up my work out routine to some new weights and focus areas. I am hoping that doing more circuit training will help. I feel it has so far. The first circuit I did was really hard but not it is a bit easier and i can move thru it quicker. This is great but i think if I mix it up more often my body will benefit from it.
A funny thing happened when I went to Costco this week. Once I was at the register and placing my items on the counter, I really took a look at what I was buying. I looked like a health conscious person. There was no junk in my cart. Soy Milk, Vita water, plums, blackberries, Acai juice, Turkey jerky. It made me feel pretty great that I was making great choices for myself and the new life I lead!
Goal for this week: Listen
Weight for today: 201
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
June Already!
It is June, Can you believe how time has flown by. Summertime has officially begun. Bikini Here I come... well maybe not yet...
I think I spent the whole weekend eating. No, Seriously. And what do I get... I get a 1 pound weight loss. Mmmm I don't get it. I swear I ate like no other. So when I try I don't loose but when I am eating like a little oink oink I loose a pound. Something wrong here. Here is the run down of all of my sins...
Friday was pizza and movie night. I had three slices.
Saturday had two slices of pizza for breakfast. Then it was off to a little kids birthday party full of high calorie bites. 2 cups of Noodles, 1 Cupcake, pineapple and grapes, 3 mini sweet rolls, 2 short ribs, cake, 2 rice crispy treats. All over a time period of 4 hours.
Sunday was the gym with only 15 minute cardio but my bootie buster work out and weights. Followed by dinner out for Pho noodles, 2 egg rolls, Halo Halo (shaved ice with sweet beans and coconut milk).
Monday we went shopping and ate out at a seafood restaurant. A few hours of strolling followed up with 3 scallops, veggies and coleslaw. Later on having 2 sugar cookies, a slice of pound cake, and pineapple. I tried on a bunch of clothes but didn't really buy anything since I kept trying on size 14. Not there just yet.
I am looking forward to my fill appointment on the 17th.
Goal for this week: So close... can I loose 2 more pounds this week?
Weight for today: 201
I think I spent the whole weekend eating. No, Seriously. And what do I get... I get a 1 pound weight loss. Mmmm I don't get it. I swear I ate like no other. So when I try I don't loose but when I am eating like a little oink oink I loose a pound. Something wrong here. Here is the run down of all of my sins...
Friday was pizza and movie night. I had three slices.
Saturday had two slices of pizza for breakfast. Then it was off to a little kids birthday party full of high calorie bites. 2 cups of Noodles, 1 Cupcake, pineapple and grapes, 3 mini sweet rolls, 2 short ribs, cake, 2 rice crispy treats. All over a time period of 4 hours.
Sunday was the gym with only 15 minute cardio but my bootie buster work out and weights. Followed by dinner out for Pho noodles, 2 egg rolls, Halo Halo (shaved ice with sweet beans and coconut milk).
Monday we went shopping and ate out at a seafood restaurant. A few hours of strolling followed up with 3 scallops, veggies and coleslaw. Later on having 2 sugar cookies, a slice of pound cake, and pineapple. I tried on a bunch of clothes but didn't really buy anything since I kept trying on size 14. Not there just yet.
I am looking forward to my fill appointment on the 17th.
Goal for this week: So close... can I loose 2 more pounds this week?
Weight for today: 201
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Holdin' Steady
I am feeling semi frustrated since I am taking the effort to not over eat and really pay attention to my hunger, but yet I am still at 202 for a couple of weeks now. Grumble, grumble, Grumble.... What is a girl to do. Granted I have to continually hike my pants up since they are falling off of me now - you can only shrink jeans to a point in the dryer as I have learned... And I received the BEST complement from one of my close friends who I haven't seen in a month... "Whoa April, girl, yer Boobs look so small!" (I loved it)
I notice these differences in my body but yet not the scale. I feel like I could be less than what I weigh from the week before based upon these clothes but the flippin' scale is stuck on 202!
I had an emotional cry for about 5 minutes this weekend... for no reason... my poor boyfriend probably wonders if I am crazy... I feel hormonal a lot now... it comes and goes in waves thru the month. My sensitivity level is really high. I know it has to be my hormone levels now that my body is starting to get back on track. I am just not use to having these feelings. I was told that after surgery your hormone levels change and your sex drive increases along with fertility... totally true! I agree! Be warned :-)
Have a great weekend in those Bikinis Ladies!
Goal for this week: Keep on Truckin'
Weight for today: 202
I notice these differences in my body but yet not the scale. I feel like I could be less than what I weigh from the week before based upon these clothes but the flippin' scale is stuck on 202!
I had an emotional cry for about 5 minutes this weekend... for no reason... my poor boyfriend probably wonders if I am crazy... I feel hormonal a lot now... it comes and goes in waves thru the month. My sensitivity level is really high. I know it has to be my hormone levels now that my body is starting to get back on track. I am just not use to having these feelings. I was told that after surgery your hormone levels change and your sex drive increases along with fertility... totally true! I agree! Be warned :-)
Have a great weekend in those Bikinis Ladies!
Goal for this week: Keep on Truckin'
Weight for today: 202
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
7 Months
I saved my Monday blog post to write today at my 7 month Bandaversary date. It really doesn't seem that long ago but time does fly by. No photos until 9 months.
The past few weeks I have been doing a liquid diet. I rated myself last week at an 80%, this past week I would say I did much better at about 90%. I eat more solids though but it has really helped me. It isn't completely liquids, so forgive me if I have made you seem as if I was going crazy and trying to go against my band. I have been doing protein shakes in the mornings, some days I have a shake for lunch too, but most of the time now I don't because I don't like the mix just with water, I prefer Soy milk. If I don't have a shake; I now have Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, beef jerky, an apple, sting cheese, or some sort of other small item to hold me to dinner. I have been drinking a lot of vitamin waters in the mid afternoon. Either the ones from Trader Joe's or Vitawater brand. I try to get the ones that are the light version to avoid the extra calories. Doing the new so-called liquid diet has really helped me regain some restriction. Plus pay attention to my hunger.
For dinner I have been revolving my meal around a protein. I do my best with this by having something like scallops, meat balls, turkey meat, tuna or chicken burger (no bun). And of course with a veggie too. I have been really bad with eating sweets. I know it is all mental since I am normally not hungry when I reach for something bad. As of today there is nothing in my fridge that can temp me. So I will be good for a bit longer.
I have switched up my workout some and I know it is making a difference. My pants are fallin' off of me. I am slowly losing pounds but inches are decreasing much quicker. I think the new work outs have helped. This weekend I tried a crazy ass routine that is cardio and toning in one. Check it out.. it seems pretty harmless but I sweat like no other! Squat Thrusts - damn you!
http://exercise.about.com/library/blcardiostrengthcircuit2.htm
Try it - I dare you :-)
Goals for this week: STILL ONEDERLAND! No secret sweet treats! Go to Spin class Tuesday and Thursday, walk at the bay/beach on Wednesdays.
Weight for today: 202
The past few weeks I have been doing a liquid diet. I rated myself last week at an 80%, this past week I would say I did much better at about 90%. I eat more solids though but it has really helped me. It isn't completely liquids, so forgive me if I have made you seem as if I was going crazy and trying to go against my band. I have been doing protein shakes in the mornings, some days I have a shake for lunch too, but most of the time now I don't because I don't like the mix just with water, I prefer Soy milk. If I don't have a shake; I now have Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, beef jerky, an apple, sting cheese, or some sort of other small item to hold me to dinner. I have been drinking a lot of vitamin waters in the mid afternoon. Either the ones from Trader Joe's or Vitawater brand. I try to get the ones that are the light version to avoid the extra calories. Doing the new so-called liquid diet has really helped me regain some restriction. Plus pay attention to my hunger.
For dinner I have been revolving my meal around a protein. I do my best with this by having something like scallops, meat balls, turkey meat, tuna or chicken burger (no bun). And of course with a veggie too. I have been really bad with eating sweets. I know it is all mental since I am normally not hungry when I reach for something bad. As of today there is nothing in my fridge that can temp me. So I will be good for a bit longer.
I have switched up my workout some and I know it is making a difference. My pants are fallin' off of me. I am slowly losing pounds but inches are decreasing much quicker. I think the new work outs have helped. This weekend I tried a crazy ass routine that is cardio and toning in one. Check it out.. it seems pretty harmless but I sweat like no other! Squat Thrusts - damn you!
http://exercise.about.com/library/blcardiostrengthcircuit2.htm
Try it - I dare you :-)
Goals for this week: STILL ONEDERLAND! No secret sweet treats! Go to Spin class Tuesday and Thursday, walk at the bay/beach on Wednesdays.
Weight for today: 202
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
New Motivation
My ass looks like that right?
Granted I thought I could fit into these when I picked these up at Target this weekend. Size XL. So cute! I didn't try them on prior to buying. They do fit, but they are a little snug so it makes my chub on my sides stick out like a muffin top. I could return them but I think I will hold onto them as my new motivation. I am going to hang them on a hanger to view everyday. I know I can't wear them in public BUT maybe when I go on my cruise in September.
(I just realized that it is the same time as the BOOBS events. Dang, I so wanted to go too! Hope you ladies have tons of fun.)
130 Days till Cruise! Fingers crossed. X
Monday, May 10, 2010
Gotta get to Onederland!
My first week of liquids went okay. I wouldn't say that I was perfect the whole time, but I did really and honestly try to eat better... Until this weekend. Mid week I had lost two pounds (woo hoo, GREAT) but didn't weigh myself for the rest of the week until this morning for my weekly weigh-in. I gained one pound from the two I lost. Um okay that is alright I guess. It was a sad morning but I know what my issue is with last week!?!
I am great while at work, I am in my controlled environment, I don't really take any time for a lunch and eat what I bring. Last week was protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. I had two scoops of protein mix in my breakfast shake to help me thru the day more. It seems to work. If I could go thru the whole day without a dinner I would of, but I went home to eat a dinner. I made somewhat of an effort to eat a good meal. Aside from a few sweet treats thru the week... I would say I did an 80%.
I would say that the way I eat today from when i was first banded is a lot more. I think I am being more lenient with what I put in my mouth versus being so strict upon my self as I once was. Maybe that is because I don't really feel much restriction compared to then. I feel like I am struggling with eating the right foods.
As for the weekend it was a different story. The two pounds must of been to my head and I must of thought I was skinny... but having a mother's day dinner, then popcorn at the movies, ice cream before bed... then eating out for dinner on Sunday followed by more ice cream... well that is the reason for the one pound gain.
It is like I want to be less than 200 pounds so bad, but I am not working as hard as I should (and know I am capable of). I lived, I learned, I am now in a new week... Gotta get to Onederland!
Goal for this week: Continue liquids thru the WHOLE week
Weight for today: 202
I am great while at work, I am in my controlled environment, I don't really take any time for a lunch and eat what I bring. Last week was protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. I had two scoops of protein mix in my breakfast shake to help me thru the day more. It seems to work. If I could go thru the whole day without a dinner I would of, but I went home to eat a dinner. I made somewhat of an effort to eat a good meal. Aside from a few sweet treats thru the week... I would say I did an 80%.
I would say that the way I eat today from when i was first banded is a lot more. I think I am being more lenient with what I put in my mouth versus being so strict upon my self as I once was. Maybe that is because I don't really feel much restriction compared to then. I feel like I am struggling with eating the right foods.
As for the weekend it was a different story. The two pounds must of been to my head and I must of thought I was skinny... but having a mother's day dinner, then popcorn at the movies, ice cream before bed... then eating out for dinner on Sunday followed by more ice cream... well that is the reason for the one pound gain.
It is like I want to be less than 200 pounds so bad, but I am not working as hard as I should (and know I am capable of). I lived, I learned, I am now in a new week... Gotta get to Onederland!
Goal for this week: Continue liquids thru the WHOLE week
Weight for today: 202
Monday, May 3, 2010
Back on Liquids
... Well until I get a jump start.
Today is my first day back on liquids since I have been eating poorly these past few weeks. I really need to kick my butt in gear and focus. I figure I will do a few days of liquids and see how long I can go until the weekend. I need to do something. I have to be more motivated and set some goals that I need to be more serious about. I have the working out part down, I just need the calorie intake to be fixed. Carbs and sweets don't fit into this goal. I have been feeling un-motivated the past few weeks, things have been a bit fuzzy. I think the weight loss had gone to my head, then I realized even though people have been noticing more and complementing me, I am really not focusing. I am no where near my set goal and being 6 months out and only down less than 30lbs is not want I want.
Help me to be strong and disciplined!
Maybe I was feeling in a funk because of my period. Not too sure. But whatever it was only spotting for 8 whole days and not really having a period told me that my body is not quite there yet. Gotta stick to my routine, protein waters and staying busy.
Again... Help me to be strong and disciplined!
Goal for this week: Liquids
Weight for today: Kickin' it at 203 still
Today is my first day back on liquids since I have been eating poorly these past few weeks. I really need to kick my butt in gear and focus. I figure I will do a few days of liquids and see how long I can go until the weekend. I need to do something. I have to be more motivated and set some goals that I need to be more serious about. I have the working out part down, I just need the calorie intake to be fixed. Carbs and sweets don't fit into this goal. I have been feeling un-motivated the past few weeks, things have been a bit fuzzy. I think the weight loss had gone to my head, then I realized even though people have been noticing more and complementing me, I am really not focusing. I am no where near my set goal and being 6 months out and only down less than 30lbs is not want I want.
Help me to be strong and disciplined!
Maybe I was feeling in a funk because of my period. Not too sure. But whatever it was only spotting for 8 whole days and not really having a period told me that my body is not quite there yet. Gotta stick to my routine, protein waters and staying busy.
Again... Help me to be strong and disciplined!
Goal for this week: Liquids
Weight for today: Kickin' it at 203 still
Monday, April 26, 2010
Feeling Normal Again
I really need to cut back on my calories since I have been lingering around these few pounds. It is getting very frustrating. But I honestly know what I have to do. I gotta kick myself in gear. I have been a snacking more and that isn't really me since I don't do that. But wanting to eat everything things in sight and being a bottomless pit is not a good thing... I figured out why though! I finally am allowing visitation rights to Auntie Flo! I hope that it now comes regularly each month so my body knows what the heck is going on. I have only have my period a handful of times this past year.
The last time I went to see my doctor I had blood tests done. I do this every year as part of my annual. This time I compared my test from last year to this time... I am 100 percent normal range in all of my results. Whoo hoo. So with me getting my period that means my body has less percentage of fat, there for my estrogen levels are leveling out thus allowing my period to come. This means that if I can get my period to keep coming back that I would be regular again and be able to get pregnant in the coming years. That is a big deal to me since one of my biggest reasons for doing gastric banding...to be healthy enough to have kids and then after that be able to keep up with them. I was afraid I just was too heavy and it would not be something possible to do. My fingers are crossed that my body knows it is on the right track.
I bought new bras this weekend. I treated myself since I really needed new ones. I spent a lot of money but it is worth it since I wear them everyday. Now I am in the right size bra and my boobs look even smaller. I feel kinda flat chested. I know I am not but it is the smallest my boobs have been in a REAL long time. If you live in the San Diego area there is a great place called "Enchantress" in Mission Valley. It is a bra, naughties, bridal store. They help you find the right bra and offer great one on one service. If you allow them they will come int he dressing room to help you. Seeing you topless is nothing to them since they look at boobs all day long anyhow. Totally sweet staff. I went from a 38 to a 34 band! Stoked!
Goal for this week: consume less calories
Weight for today: 203
The last time I went to see my doctor I had blood tests done. I do this every year as part of my annual. This time I compared my test from last year to this time... I am 100 percent normal range in all of my results. Whoo hoo. So with me getting my period that means my body has less percentage of fat, there for my estrogen levels are leveling out thus allowing my period to come. This means that if I can get my period to keep coming back that I would be regular again and be able to get pregnant in the coming years. That is a big deal to me since one of my biggest reasons for doing gastric banding...to be healthy enough to have kids and then after that be able to keep up with them. I was afraid I just was too heavy and it would not be something possible to do. My fingers are crossed that my body knows it is on the right track.
I bought new bras this weekend. I treated myself since I really needed new ones. I spent a lot of money but it is worth it since I wear them everyday. Now I am in the right size bra and my boobs look even smaller. I feel kinda flat chested. I know I am not but it is the smallest my boobs have been in a REAL long time. If you live in the San Diego area there is a great place called "Enchantress" in Mission Valley. It is a bra, naughties, bridal store. They help you find the right bra and offer great one on one service. If you allow them they will come int he dressing room to help you. Seeing you topless is nothing to them since they look at boobs all day long anyhow. Totally sweet staff. I went from a 38 to a 34 band! Stoked!
Goal for this week: consume less calories
Weight for today: 203
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