Perception

I was looking back at some photos me me from the past few years and really took a second to think that what I look like now, is what I thought I looked like then. Boy my own perception was waaaay off! It never occurred to me how BIG I really was until now. It saddens me to know that I didn't even see me own self as 230 pounds.

Here is how I recall it:

High school in 1996 I weighed 170.

My freshman year in college I gained 15 pounds. At the end of my Freshman year 1997 I took phen-pen and lost 25 pounds within 2.5 months. I remember weighing almost 150lbs then. I was so happy, guys were paying attention to me and always complementing me. I thought I was on top of the world.

Over the years thru college I gained the weight back but wasn't ever above 190. I think it was b/c I walked or rode my bike all the time. Where I lived everything was in walking distance or you rode your bike.

After college I started working at jobs that I sat all day. Plus I then had the money to eat out a lot. So I gradually got myself to be above 200.

In 2005 I did a liquid diet thru a weight loss clinic. I had lost less than 25 pounds and got down to 190.

Over the next few years I was in a relationship and all we did was eat eat and eat. He was a big guy , over 300 pounds and 6'3. I thought I could eat like him. I gained all the weight I had lost plus more back. Not putting blame to him but just the fact I could eat the same about as a guy of that size. Pretty crazy! Glad him and his eating habits are outta my life! ha ha ha

In 2007 I worked my way between 220 and 235. I tired doing the liquid diet again but i kept failing. Loose 5 - Gain 10. I attempted to get banded at this time but my insurance declined me at the last minute. I think it was because I was on Cobra a the end of this process. I was really bummed about not being able to proceed. Nor did I have the money. I even consulted a financial planner to see how I could take my 401k out! Call me crazy!

2007 is also when I met my current boyfriend! My life I was so happy, so in love with my boyfriend, so UNhappy about my weight. He is a positive person and small eater :-) Skinny his whole life and for sure doesn't understand the word Dieting. He is no more than 160 and has a metabolism that we are all jealous of. I love him tons! He thought I could loose weight on my own. He stuck by my side this past year even though it wasn't something he wanted me to do. He didn't want anything wrong to happen.

End of 2009 I was approved - started this blog - and less than 2 months later was banded in October 2009. My weight at that time was 230. Even though the scale said those numbers I really never felt that big in my mind.

Today my perceptions are so much different of myself and who I was, who I am now, and who I will become.