Today I am offically removed from the Revision program through Kaiser. I feel sad but relieved at the same time. I just know that mentally having a bypass done, well I’m just not right in my mind for it. Not that I don’t want / need to loose weight because you know I do BUT I am truly afraid of going from throwing up with a lapband to dumping with a bypass. I just feel like right now my body and mind need time. And yes, I did cry about it. Many times in fact.
Today also is my first day of trying something new. A day by day program of using TruVision system. It sounds super simple of 2 pills twice a day. It is supposed to give me energy and curve my eating/cravings. I just need that little boost to get going. I believe in my heart it’s the right time for all of these choices.
In addition to dropping out of the revision program, I’m on a waiting list for a series of nutrition classes. I guess that it has become a popular class therefore it has a waiting list of 2-3 months. From the description it may be something very useful to do. Risk my comfort zone level. Eak!
Has anyone ever heard of Fatty Liver? Welp, my surgeon mentioned after my surgery that my liver seemed large. So I asked my primary care doctor to re-read my bloodwork and past tests to see if something was wrong. In my trip to the ER before there was a notation on my MRI that I may have possible fatty liver. Yeah thanks fuckers for not telling me. So with me persuing info about my own body to the doctor I now have to look into this issue. An ultrasound , fatty liver scan and a 2 hour fatty liver class. Now are on my calendar.
Please lord, help me as I need to loose this weight so it doesn’t turn into anything else.
Thursday, October 4, 2018
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
2 Weeks Post Op
I am now 2 weeks post op and I’m getting back to normal life. The first week is very clear you should take it easy with light walking. I’m so thankful for my mom and husband who helped with the kids. I couldn’t even pick up our youngest. I think she was mad at me all week. The second week I had no help. It was a good thing though as I needed to move my body, get use to my core muscles and eating solid foods.
So far my cuts have healed very quickly compared to stitches. I have some glue coming off each day. Two smaller insisions are now glue-less. The two biggest things I notice is where the top of my stomach is, there is not lapband so it is no longer firm under my rib cage. I never noticed it but now it’s gone I can not feel it’s tightness. The second thing is I can not rush eating or eat larger portions. I’m thankful for this. Even though there is no band I feel full with smaller amounts & if I swallow to large of food I feel a light pain. I guess when your body is in a constructed form it will take awhile to ‘feel normal’
Life is moving on...
I’m going to with drawl from the revision program. I’m just not mentally ready to do gastric bypass. I feel as if I’d go from lapband life of throwing up to bypass life of dumping. I just want to be healthy with mind and body. The surgery did scare me so I’m just not ready to continue with a revision.
Weight today : 219
So far my cuts have healed very quickly compared to stitches. I have some glue coming off each day. Two smaller insisions are now glue-less. The two biggest things I notice is where the top of my stomach is, there is not lapband so it is no longer firm under my rib cage. I never noticed it but now it’s gone I can not feel it’s tightness. The second thing is I can not rush eating or eat larger portions. I’m thankful for this. Even though there is no band I feel full with smaller amounts & if I swallow to large of food I feel a light pain. I guess when your body is in a constructed form it will take awhile to ‘feel normal’
Life is moving on...
I’m going to with drawl from the revision program. I’m just not mentally ready to do gastric bypass. I feel as if I’d go from lapband life of throwing up to bypass life of dumping. I just want to be healthy with mind and body. The surgery did scare me so I’m just not ready to continue with a revision.
Weight today : 219
Friday, September 21, 2018
I Made It To The Other Side
I have had no energy to post but it has been 4 days since I’ve had my lapband removed! It is definitely a different experience than having it put in.
Surgery Day:
Check in was at 5:30am. The operation time was 7:30am. My husband was with me and he doesn’t like hospital settings. So he cracked jokes or said things that were not nice. I know it was because of nerves but definbdid not make me feel supportive. Once checked in, you wait till they call you back to prep you for the OR. Gown change, IV set up & overall stats done. Made me very nervous I actually started to cry. It didn’t feel like I was there getting ready for very long but I was prepping for that hour. Once my husband came back to wait he got freaked out. I think he needed a setative more than me. I asked for one right before they rolled me into OR. I just got super scared & said my goodbyes to my hubby. Not a good feeling.
In OR I moved to a table and laid at a down ward angle. I think it was because it stretched my stomach area. But felt very odd. I made small talk with one dr about why he went into what he did. Then I heard part of his answer then was out.
After I remember waking up on and off to the sound of someone snoring. I asked if I woke up like that too. But faded in and out. I was told it was about an hour. I recall the snoring man, an older woman and then another man moaning really loudly clearly in a lot of pain. They all were in the spot next to me at some point. After my surgeon was done he consoled my husband I was okay but wouldn’t let him back until I was completely awake. That was upsetting to him.
The next step was to take you to another bed, back where the prep room was. To change out of the gowns and to get help putting your clothes back on. This is where I saw my husband. The checkout nurse then takes you to a sitting area where you just kinda chill for a bit & wait for hubby to bring car around. I walked out of hospital which was a big walk and I owe it to my meds that made me able to do that.
Since then:
I have been napping less each day, finally pooped, went from clear liquids to soft foods. The first bite of eggs was amazing. It hurts to burp or clear my throat. I am glued shut versus stitches so I can shower. That has helped greatly. It’s been a struggle but each day is better and more mobile. I’m debating if I want to even have the revision done now. It’s hard to step away from being a mom/wife duties and effects my entire family. I’ve got a lot to think about while I recover.
Surgery Day:
Check in was at 5:30am. The operation time was 7:30am. My husband was with me and he doesn’t like hospital settings. So he cracked jokes or said things that were not nice. I know it was because of nerves but definbdid not make me feel supportive. Once checked in, you wait till they call you back to prep you for the OR. Gown change, IV set up & overall stats done. Made me very nervous I actually started to cry. It didn’t feel like I was there getting ready for very long but I was prepping for that hour. Once my husband came back to wait he got freaked out. I think he needed a setative more than me. I asked for one right before they rolled me into OR. I just got super scared & said my goodbyes to my hubby. Not a good feeling.
In OR I moved to a table and laid at a down ward angle. I think it was because it stretched my stomach area. But felt very odd. I made small talk with one dr about why he went into what he did. Then I heard part of his answer then was out.
After I remember waking up on and off to the sound of someone snoring. I asked if I woke up like that too. But faded in and out. I was told it was about an hour. I recall the snoring man, an older woman and then another man moaning really loudly clearly in a lot of pain. They all were in the spot next to me at some point. After my surgeon was done he consoled my husband I was okay but wouldn’t let him back until I was completely awake. That was upsetting to him.
The next step was to take you to another bed, back where the prep room was. To change out of the gowns and to get help putting your clothes back on. This is where I saw my husband. The checkout nurse then takes you to a sitting area where you just kinda chill for a bit & wait for hubby to bring car around. I walked out of hospital which was a big walk and I owe it to my meds that made me able to do that.
Since then:
I have been napping less each day, finally pooped, went from clear liquids to soft foods. The first bite of eggs was amazing. It hurts to burp or clear my throat. I am glued shut versus stitches so I can shower. That has helped greatly. It’s been a struggle but each day is better and more mobile. I’m debating if I want to even have the revision done now. It’s hard to step away from being a mom/wife duties and effects my entire family. I’ve got a lot to think about while I recover.
Monday, September 3, 2018
It’s offically Lapband Removal Month
T-Minus countdown days starts NOW!
It is September and I am offically getting nervous for my surgery date that is quickly approaching ! To have this lapband removed will be a coordinated effort between what little I can do, what my husband can take on, and then how much my Mom can step in to help out. We have 2 small children to coordinate in the mix too. Both of which are too small to understand what will happen. I’m not wanting them to visit me while I’m in the hospital. I think that would scare my eldest too much. It will all work out in the end but just this anticipation is nerve racking.
This week I see my surgeon for a pre op appointment as I’m hoping to get a clearer run down of what I need to do to prepare. I also have to do a few remaining bloodwork. Im going to make a list of questions I need to ask when I’m there because I typically forget most of them.
One question in particular I’m curious to find out is how many patients who have the lapband removed choose gastric sleeve versus gastric bypass? Another Doctor mentioned to me that 75% of lapband revision patients who choose the sleeve end up coming back for another revision to gastric bypass! That number is astonishing to me. It definitely makes me consider bypass now. I haven’t found much online about it but coming from a Doctor who sees thousands of gastric cases per year, well it makes it something to consider. I’m a bit more nervous thinking bypass could be a better option but messing with the intestines and dumping syndrome makes me timid. Dumping is still present in the sleeve but percentages are lower.
I’ll post once I learn my next step!
It is September and I am offically getting nervous for my surgery date that is quickly approaching ! To have this lapband removed will be a coordinated effort between what little I can do, what my husband can take on, and then how much my Mom can step in to help out. We have 2 small children to coordinate in the mix too. Both of which are too small to understand what will happen. I’m not wanting them to visit me while I’m in the hospital. I think that would scare my eldest too much. It will all work out in the end but just this anticipation is nerve racking.
This week I see my surgeon for a pre op appointment as I’m hoping to get a clearer run down of what I need to do to prepare. I also have to do a few remaining bloodwork. Im going to make a list of questions I need to ask when I’m there because I typically forget most of them.
One question in particular I’m curious to find out is how many patients who have the lapband removed choose gastric sleeve versus gastric bypass? Another Doctor mentioned to me that 75% of lapband revision patients who choose the sleeve end up coming back for another revision to gastric bypass! That number is astonishing to me. It definitely makes me consider bypass now. I haven’t found much online about it but coming from a Doctor who sees thousands of gastric cases per year, well it makes it something to consider. I’m a bit more nervous thinking bypass could be a better option but messing with the intestines and dumping syndrome makes me timid. Dumping is still present in the sleeve but percentages are lower.
I’ll post once I learn my next step!
Monday, August 13, 2018
Date Is in the books
Surgery scheduler called and I now am the proud owner of a Sept 18th surgery date. This will be my first to remove my Realize Gastric Band.
Scared it’s becoming a reality. Excited to move on.
Scared it’s becoming a reality. Excited to move on.
Friday, August 10, 2018
Poop-in-a-Bag
Today I completed my lab work. Blood, stool and EKG.
I knew I had to do a stool sample. Eww. Normally they give you all your poop collection items as you leave. They request you do it at home then bring it back. I’m ahead of the game today. I pooped in a ziplock and brought it with me. Something about a bacteria that lives in your intestinal area is what they need to test.
(I’ve been collecting my child’s poop all week as she swallowed a marble. Something like that they don’t remove. Come on, I had to make sure it was out. 5 days later.)
Any how, me being an overachiever kinda grossed out the lab tech. Ha ha ha. Never again, but saved the extra trip. Man, it was stanky!
Next I await my lab results and hopefully schedule an appointment with the Doctor that gives me clearance to move forward in the program.
Weight for today: 228.0
I knew I had to do a stool sample. Eww. Normally they give you all your poop collection items as you leave. They request you do it at home then bring it back. I’m ahead of the game today. I pooped in a ziplock and brought it with me. Something about a bacteria that lives in your intestinal area is what they need to test.
(I’ve been collecting my child’s poop all week as she swallowed a marble. Something like that they don’t remove. Come on, I had to make sure it was out. 5 days later.)
Any how, me being an overachiever kinda grossed out the lab tech. Ha ha ha. Never again, but saved the extra trip. Man, it was stanky!
Next I await my lab results and hopefully schedule an appointment with the Doctor that gives me clearance to move forward in the program.
Weight for today: 228.0
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
And So It Begins
I’m offically enrolled into the Gastric Revision Program.
Nutrition class 2hr
Orientation class 2hr
This means I’m waiting for a surgery date to remove my lapband in one surgery, then a second surgery will be scheduled for the gastric Sleeve at a later date. I have to go through the 6 months process to do the second half because of Kaiser’s process. I think that is extremely long but rumor has it some patients clear early.
I went to 2 classes thus far. An orientation class & general nutrition class. Each 2 hours. I learned a few new things from the Nutrition class & id like to learn more. The other class was just an over view of the 2 surgeries they offer & steps that need to be completed. All very familiar but a bit more lengthy than when I got my lapband 9 years ago.
I went to 2 classes thus far. An orientation class & general nutrition class. Each 2 hours. I learned a few new things from the Nutrition class & id like to learn more. The other class was just an over view of the 2 surgeries they offer & steps that need to be completed. All very familiar but a bit more lengthy than when I got my lapband 9 years ago.
Things I’ve got to do now are blood & stool lab work. Then start the classes for bariatric surgery. Unfortunately for me, Kaiser’s bariatric Program is booming so I won’t start these classes until October.
It’s kind of a waiting Point right now. I don’t have to do anything for the lapband removal BUT I do have to wait until the surgery scheduler calls. It’s a holding period in my life because you have to stay available for a date to come up. That’s frustrating as I’d like to know so I can plan it around my life.
Nutrition class 2hr
Orientation class 2hr
Blood lab work
Stool lab work
Meet with Dr to be approved for surgery
Sleep study or clearance of
Classes 24 weeks
Lapband removal surgery
Gastric sleeve surgery
Monday, July 9, 2018
It’s my Surgeons Fault
Finally! I had my surgeon follow up appointment from all of the abdominal pain I’ve been having for over a month now. In my last post I mentioned I went to the ER and left with the diagnosis of a swollen esophagus. Well today in my appointment I stood over the surgeons back and asked him to show me my CT Scan & explain the swelling. He looked at me confused as the ER evaluation he was looking at stated there was no swollen esophagus but swelling in my fat under my ab muscles.
Now why was I told one thing the. The paperwork says something different???
I’m visual so I asked him to show me in the CT imagery. Well it showed the swelling there kinda like a storm cloud when the coloring of the scan should of been black. Clearly my body was pissed about something .... The Dr took total blame and said it seems like when he tried to do the fill last time that maybe he injected the 5cc’s into the scar tissue instead. Poking and injecting in the scar tissue or he caused me to bleed... well which ever one of his assumptions has sucked because of the pain it has caused me.
He then asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I want him to take it out and possibly do a gastric sleeve. The magical internet has shown me that both can be done in the same opporation... but Kaiser does not do them together. I’m looking at 2 surgeries and up to 6 months of hoops to jump through just to get it all done. Now if I just want the band removed that can be done just by scheduling and could be done as little as 2 months. Just a matter of when he has an opening.
Sigh...
I left there disappointed. Still in minimal and mild pain. Now with 2 very big surgeries to consider. Since doing this entire process now puts a hold on my husband changing his job. New job would mean new insurance and more delay. I’m suppose to start looking for work after 3 years of enjoying my stay at home mommy mode. Where does this surgery land? I can’t put off finding work either. My husband never agreed with me getting the Lapband so once these issues started he chimed in and said “i told you so” kinda crap. He has been thin his entire life and never once had to worry about weight loss so he does not get it at all. I love him dearly but positive support is what I need.
Another long sigh...
Weight today : 225.0 lbs
Now why was I told one thing the. The paperwork says something different???
I’m visual so I asked him to show me in the CT imagery. Well it showed the swelling there kinda like a storm cloud when the coloring of the scan should of been black. Clearly my body was pissed about something .... The Dr took total blame and said it seems like when he tried to do the fill last time that maybe he injected the 5cc’s into the scar tissue instead. Poking and injecting in the scar tissue or he caused me to bleed... well which ever one of his assumptions has sucked because of the pain it has caused me.
He then asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I want him to take it out and possibly do a gastric sleeve. The magical internet has shown me that both can be done in the same opporation... but Kaiser does not do them together. I’m looking at 2 surgeries and up to 6 months of hoops to jump through just to get it all done. Now if I just want the band removed that can be done just by scheduling and could be done as little as 2 months. Just a matter of when he has an opening.
Sigh...
I left there disappointed. Still in minimal and mild pain. Now with 2 very big surgeries to consider. Since doing this entire process now puts a hold on my husband changing his job. New job would mean new insurance and more delay. I’m suppose to start looking for work after 3 years of enjoying my stay at home mommy mode. Where does this surgery land? I can’t put off finding work either. My husband never agreed with me getting the Lapband so once these issues started he chimed in and said “i told you so” kinda crap. He has been thin his entire life and never once had to worry about weight loss so he does not get it at all. I love him dearly but positive support is what I need.
Another long sigh...
Weight today : 225.0 lbs
Sunday, June 24, 2018
My 9 Hour ER Visit
Could not stand the pain last week so I drove myself to the ER. I went in for abdominal pain.
They drew blood and a urine test, then hooked me up to an IV for dehydration. Now this is over a span of 9 hours, mind you. The doctor recommended I do a CT scan of my belly. Check out in detail of what may be going on with my lapband that is causing pain. Now, this causes a major concern for me because I am allergic to contrast dye. Red flag for me. Tons of back and forth between one doctor to the next and then a radiologist finally allowed me to get one done. BUT then I had to have a standard X-ray to see if there was any Barium fluid from my Upper GI X-ray the day before. My oh my. THey then gave me some allergy medicines to help prevent any reaction to the contrast dye. At the end of 2 sets of X-rays and the CT Scan I now know my lapband has caused my esophagus to swell where it is attached.
Pain in my entire abdomen and my lower back is caused by a single area of swelling. It has now been a total of 3 weeks. The pain is less as I took it upon myself to read a bit online about what others have gone through. Some stated to do a soft foods or liquid diet to help the irritation go down. So that is what I have been doing since Friday. I'm 3 days in to soft foods and protein shakes. (I really don't know how I lasted so long before not eating in Pre-Op). This will get me through till my July appointment with the GI Surgeon... Which is another 2 weeks away!
Weight : 217
They drew blood and a urine test, then hooked me up to an IV for dehydration. Now this is over a span of 9 hours, mind you. The doctor recommended I do a CT scan of my belly. Check out in detail of what may be going on with my lapband that is causing pain. Now, this causes a major concern for me because I am allergic to contrast dye. Red flag for me. Tons of back and forth between one doctor to the next and then a radiologist finally allowed me to get one done. BUT then I had to have a standard X-ray to see if there was any Barium fluid from my Upper GI X-ray the day before. My oh my. THey then gave me some allergy medicines to help prevent any reaction to the contrast dye. At the end of 2 sets of X-rays and the CT Scan I now know my lapband has caused my esophagus to swell where it is attached.
Pain in my entire abdomen and my lower back is caused by a single area of swelling. It has now been a total of 3 weeks. The pain is less as I took it upon myself to read a bit online about what others have gone through. Some stated to do a soft foods or liquid diet to help the irritation go down. So that is what I have been doing since Friday. I'm 3 days in to soft foods and protein shakes. (I really don't know how I lasted so long before not eating in Pre-Op). This will get me through till my July appointment with the GI Surgeon... Which is another 2 weeks away!
Weight : 217
Friday, June 22, 2018
Sitting and waiting in pain
Yep, that’s right... Pain. I feel like my lapband May have slipped? Im not really sure though. I feel like the more I read online the more confused I am getting.
I had met with my new surgeon at the end of May. His attempt to do a fill was unsuccessful. I was okay for a week. No pain, could eat more with less restriction. A week after seeing him the pain began. It fluctuated through the day, couldn’t lay on my left side, port pain & swelling. I had even called in to get an appointment since the pain was so bad. The earliest appointment is July 9th. I’m pissed about how long away it is to get in. So sitting in pain for 3 weeks isn’t fun for anyone. I even had a nurse relay information about my pain to the dr. she said take pain meds. And if it’s gets worse to go the ER.
During my waiting period I had a standard X-ray 2 weeks ago & this week I had an upper GI X-ray. You know, when you swallow the thick liquid and they record it going through your throat - stomach. Nasty. But was able to watch part of the monitor to see what was going on. Clearly I was looking at the port and loop around my stomach. It wasn’t clear enough to see if it was in done or out of place.
Not cool waiting. Sigh
Weight : 222.2
I had met with my new surgeon at the end of May. His attempt to do a fill was unsuccessful. I was okay for a week. No pain, could eat more with less restriction. A week after seeing him the pain began. It fluctuated through the day, couldn’t lay on my left side, port pain & swelling. I had even called in to get an appointment since the pain was so bad. The earliest appointment is July 9th. I’m pissed about how long away it is to get in. So sitting in pain for 3 weeks isn’t fun for anyone. I even had a nurse relay information about my pain to the dr. she said take pain meds. And if it’s gets worse to go the ER.
During my waiting period I had a standard X-ray 2 weeks ago & this week I had an upper GI X-ray. You know, when you swallow the thick liquid and they record it going through your throat - stomach. Nasty. But was able to watch part of the monitor to see what was going on. Clearly I was looking at the port and loop around my stomach. It wasn’t clear enough to see if it was in done or out of place.
Not cool waiting. Sigh
Weight : 222.2
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Coming up on YEAR 9
As my 9th year of being banded is quickly approaching I tried to remember what got me through the beginning stages of my banded life. I then remembered I had THIS BLOG! I forgot about it through the years. Life got busy. Married, 2 Kids, and ALL of my weight gained back. No ones fault but my own. I have made many bad choices on what I ate. Well I kinda feel like I eat like a 4 year old does... gold fish, cottage cheese, snacks for 'lunch'.
We all control what goes in our bodies, right?
I realize that I haven't had an adjustment since 2012 right before my wedding (eak!). So I schedule an appointment with a GI doctor. I clearly went to the wrong doctor as he proceeded to book me an appointment to have a camera placed into my throat while sedated. Red Flag - Clearly he wasn't the GI I needed to do a standard fill. He thought something was wrong with me as if the band was making me sick. I came across this doctor by a referal from a primary doctor who thought throwing up on purpose because of restriction wasn't normal with a band. Or maybe she didn't know anything about it. This was round 1 and soon my insurance changed... therefore new appointment with new GI doctor.
This second doctor, who I am currently seeing, acted as if I shouldn't of even got an appointment. That I should of been directed to a support group. But 'since I was there' he went along with doing a fill. He struggled finding the port, moaned and groaned about placement, and in the end with multiple tries he was unable to pull any fluid out to empty it and then place new fluid in. Claiming I may have a hole. His quick comment was to just have it replaced or removed as the Lapband technology is kinda diminishing. People are getting them removed and possibly a bypass under same surgery... AND This hospital doesn't even place Lapbands. CRAP!
So where does that leave me?
Instead of jumping right into the operating room, I am refereed to a Post Surgery Clinic. They follow up and guide you in the right direction after weight loss. WOW I kinda wish that I had that available to me 9 years ago. It would of been very helpful to have a counselor to talk to versus an odd group of strangers at a support group. The counselor called and set me up with X-rays of my band to check placement. Then another appointment to do an upper GI X-ray. This one I will swallow contrast dye and watch the restriction live.
Now my mind wonders... Do I have it replaced, removed, removed and have gastric bypass?
Weight : 222 lbs.
We all control what goes in our bodies, right?
I realize that I haven't had an adjustment since 2012 right before my wedding (eak!). So I schedule an appointment with a GI doctor. I clearly went to the wrong doctor as he proceeded to book me an appointment to have a camera placed into my throat while sedated. Red Flag - Clearly he wasn't the GI I needed to do a standard fill. He thought something was wrong with me as if the band was making me sick. I came across this doctor by a referal from a primary doctor who thought throwing up on purpose because of restriction wasn't normal with a band. Or maybe she didn't know anything about it. This was round 1 and soon my insurance changed... therefore new appointment with new GI doctor.
This second doctor, who I am currently seeing, acted as if I shouldn't of even got an appointment. That I should of been directed to a support group. But 'since I was there' he went along with doing a fill. He struggled finding the port, moaned and groaned about placement, and in the end with multiple tries he was unable to pull any fluid out to empty it and then place new fluid in. Claiming I may have a hole. His quick comment was to just have it replaced or removed as the Lapband technology is kinda diminishing. People are getting them removed and possibly a bypass under same surgery... AND This hospital doesn't even place Lapbands. CRAP!
So where does that leave me?
Instead of jumping right into the operating room, I am refereed to a Post Surgery Clinic. They follow up and guide you in the right direction after weight loss. WOW I kinda wish that I had that available to me 9 years ago. It would of been very helpful to have a counselor to talk to versus an odd group of strangers at a support group. The counselor called and set me up with X-rays of my band to check placement. Then another appointment to do an upper GI X-ray. This one I will swallow contrast dye and watch the restriction live.
Now my mind wonders... Do I have it replaced, removed, removed and have gastric bypass?
Weight : 222 lbs.
Friday, April 20, 2012
2 Years 6 Months
How time flies... 2 years and 6 months since my surgery.
As a quick summary... I am not where I want to be but back on track. If you have been reading this blog you will see that this past year has been a big struggle for me and how to eat right and find what works. I unfortunately have missed out on the restriction boat. Maybe I am just not meant for the band since 80 percent of the time this past year I have not been full when I should. I have battled the head hunger and physical hunger every day. It hasn't been easy.
Sometimes I feel disappointed of my weight since I hoped to be further along. Would I still do the surgery knowing I could only loose 30 pounds? I would have to say YES! My life has improved greatly. I am so much healthier than I was. I have a lot more motivation and confidence in myself. With the little bit of weight coming off these past few weeks it has recharged me.
What to strive for in the next 6 months... well in shorter terms I have a wedding dress fitting at the end of May. I want to keep off my 10 pounds... maybe get rid of a little bit more. Sure for the wedding... BUT also since we would like to try to have a baby after we are married. Sometimes it isn't as easy as 'one time is a charm' so we hope for the best outcome to happen for us. We will be married at the end of July. So not too far away!!! Aside from the weight loss I really want to push myself with working out and feeling happy thru my work days. I don't work out as hard when I am by myself so I want to work on that. The with work I am feeling lazy and lacking motivation. I need to recharge my brain for a better more efficient workday. In my relationship I need to be more patient. Since we now live together, I need to understand that we are getting used to one another in a new way and finding out each others living habits and quirks. It is a great feeling to come home to him each day.
Weight for today: 196
As a quick summary... I am not where I want to be but back on track. If you have been reading this blog you will see that this past year has been a big struggle for me and how to eat right and find what works. I unfortunately have missed out on the restriction boat. Maybe I am just not meant for the band since 80 percent of the time this past year I have not been full when I should. I have battled the head hunger and physical hunger every day. It hasn't been easy.
Sometimes I feel disappointed of my weight since I hoped to be further along. Would I still do the surgery knowing I could only loose 30 pounds? I would have to say YES! My life has improved greatly. I am so much healthier than I was. I have a lot more motivation and confidence in myself. With the little bit of weight coming off these past few weeks it has recharged me.
What to strive for in the next 6 months... well in shorter terms I have a wedding dress fitting at the end of May. I want to keep off my 10 pounds... maybe get rid of a little bit more. Sure for the wedding... BUT also since we would like to try to have a baby after we are married. Sometimes it isn't as easy as 'one time is a charm' so we hope for the best outcome to happen for us. We will be married at the end of July. So not too far away!!! Aside from the weight loss I really want to push myself with working out and feeling happy thru my work days. I don't work out as hard when I am by myself so I want to work on that. The with work I am feeling lazy and lacking motivation. I need to recharge my brain for a better more efficient workday. In my relationship I need to be more patient. Since we now live together, I need to understand that we are getting used to one another in a new way and finding out each others living habits and quirks. It is a great feeling to come home to him each day.
Weight for today: 196
Friday, April 13, 2012
Speeding Past 10
Could be a figment of my imagination since it is Friday the 13th... but this morning I was down a half a pound... sure that isn't much from the day before... but you know what this means...?
I am past the 10 pound mark!!!
Sweet!
Oh little half pound, How I love thee..
Onto 15, then maybe 20 next? You never know. They say the first 10 is the hardest. Not sure who 'they' is but I will definitely vouch that 10 is a hard number to get to but feeling the rewards today. Shit, I have been waiting a year for this moment.
Weight for Today: 196.5
I am past the 10 pound mark!!!
Sweet!
Oh little half pound, How I love thee..
Onto 15, then maybe 20 next? You never know. They say the first 10 is the hardest. Not sure who 'they' is but I will definitely vouch that 10 is a hard number to get to but feeling the rewards today. Shit, I have been waiting a year for this moment.
Weight for Today: 196.5
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Down 10 Pounds
I think this is how I should of been eating all along. Wow, imagine that... Do you see my stupidity light bulb above my head?
Yes, I am admitting everything that I have been bitching about and not loosing weight was really just me with very bad habits and overeating. Not that I am on top of the world right now. But just getting things into perspective on what I have been doing wrong. It all boils down to - to many calories... every single day. Sure I kept my same weight for the last year and maintained it, but I haven't been happy with myself and still falling back into bad choices. In some way I thought the pounds would still come off just as easy as it did the first few months. Reality check! It never did.
Not say that it has been easy the past 2 weeks... and I haven't struggled... It is just easier to get past it when you see the results day to day versus giving up when there are no results for months on end. I am officially down 10 POUNDS as of this morning! I have been holding onto that last pound before I would blog about the loss. In the last 2 weeks I have cut my calories in half or more on some days, drank more water, worked out harder and thus RESULTS... 10 wonderful results.
The lowest I have been since being banded was 196. And that was when I had the flu. So with not being sick and sticking to the new plan I am one happy person today. And with the complements and people noticing makes it even more spectacular.
I can now check off my list of to-do's before wedding... loose and inch in my waist to fit into my wedding dress. With only 10 pounds I think I have lost it has been more than an inch. Aww Yeah! Goal is completed and all before I have even scheduled my dress fitting. I am ahead of things... not to be boastful but maybe I can get down another 5 or more in the coming weeks.... Cross those fingers! And even more motivation I am coming up on two and a half year mark.
I have given in a 3 times to bad foods. I had smaller portions to get my fix. I ate pasta, rice and even french fries. The next few weeks, until my bachelorette weekend, I will be just as good. Cause you know I am not going to stick to a low calorie plan that weekend with all those pool side cocktails. After that weekend - Back on track.
Things I have learned to GAIN weight:
- Drink a lot of fruit juice.
- Visit Starbucks multiple times a week for drink and pastries.
- Eat till its gone - Not eat till I am full.
- Compare what I eat to others.
- Not go to the gym - It is harder to get back into the groove once you missed it.
- Negative thoughts and actions - In the end you just hurt yourself.
- Make for dinner what he wants versus what we can eat together.
- Add too much sugar to your over-sized portion of oatmeal.
- Over sleep on weekends - lazy is contagious.
Goal for this week: Keep it going - No pasta, rice or bread.
Weight for today: 197
Yes, I am admitting everything that I have been bitching about and not loosing weight was really just me with very bad habits and overeating. Not that I am on top of the world right now. But just getting things into perspective on what I have been doing wrong. It all boils down to - to many calories... every single day. Sure I kept my same weight for the last year and maintained it, but I haven't been happy with myself and still falling back into bad choices. In some way I thought the pounds would still come off just as easy as it did the first few months. Reality check! It never did.
Not say that it has been easy the past 2 weeks... and I haven't struggled... It is just easier to get past it when you see the results day to day versus giving up when there are no results for months on end. I am officially down 10 POUNDS as of this morning! I have been holding onto that last pound before I would blog about the loss. In the last 2 weeks I have cut my calories in half or more on some days, drank more water, worked out harder and thus RESULTS... 10 wonderful results.
The lowest I have been since being banded was 196. And that was when I had the flu. So with not being sick and sticking to the new plan I am one happy person today. And with the complements and people noticing makes it even more spectacular.
I can now check off my list of to-do's before wedding... loose and inch in my waist to fit into my wedding dress. With only 10 pounds I think I have lost it has been more than an inch. Aww Yeah! Goal is completed and all before I have even scheduled my dress fitting. I am ahead of things... not to be boastful but maybe I can get down another 5 or more in the coming weeks.... Cross those fingers! And even more motivation I am coming up on two and a half year mark.
I have given in a 3 times to bad foods. I had smaller portions to get my fix. I ate pasta, rice and even french fries. The next few weeks, until my bachelorette weekend, I will be just as good. Cause you know I am not going to stick to a low calorie plan that weekend with all those pool side cocktails. After that weekend - Back on track.
Things I have learned to GAIN weight:
- Drink a lot of fruit juice.
- Visit Starbucks multiple times a week for drink and pastries.
- Eat till its gone - Not eat till I am full.
- Compare what I eat to others.
- Not go to the gym - It is harder to get back into the groove once you missed it.
- Negative thoughts and actions - In the end you just hurt yourself.
- Make for dinner what he wants versus what we can eat together.
- Add too much sugar to your over-sized portion of oatmeal.
- Over sleep on weekends - lazy is contagious.
Goal for this week: Keep it going - No pasta, rice or bread.
Weight for today: 197
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Back On Track
Last week I was frustrated and upset that I was still at 206/207 lbs. It has just been too long that I have been at this weight. Granted I haven't been focused on what I put into my mouth no matter how hard I did work out. I figured the more I pushed myself the scale would move. It never did.
I thought a fill was my answer. I kept my check up appointment with my surgeon and went in to see him. Hoping for a small fill, he told me that he didn't want to give me a fill. He didn't want the area above my port to expand and even cause me acid reflux or heart burn. At first I was kinda disappointed but all in all I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WRONG! I am eating too many calories.
At the surgeon's office I weighted in at 207lbs. Ouch. Time for a reality check.
The bad thing about the gastric band is you don't have that satisfying feeling once you eat. Sure you loose weight but in the end you do more effort than it doing it for you. It took me awhile to get this. The first 30 came off fairly easy within that first year. Then the next year - nothing. Now I am almost at 3 year mark wit October slowly approaching.
Going back to the basics of what allowed me to loose the first 30 pounds, I realized how little I ate. So since last Thursday I reduced my calories greatly. I am not counting the exact calories since when I do I try to squeeze in random and not healthy things just 'because there is left over calories'.
No rice or breads
Lots of water
Protein shakes
Fruits
Veggies
Chicken / Fish / Beef (for dinner)
Yogurt
Salads
(and of course no Starbucks visits)
I am feeling full on what I am eating. If I am hungry I do eat - just not as much. Not eating out helps. It is working... I am down to 200 LBS... only 5 days later! I am excited.
Goal for this week: Keep it up!
Weight for today: 200 lbs
I thought a fill was my answer. I kept my check up appointment with my surgeon and went in to see him. Hoping for a small fill, he told me that he didn't want to give me a fill. He didn't want the area above my port to expand and even cause me acid reflux or heart burn. At first I was kinda disappointed but all in all I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WRONG! I am eating too many calories.
At the surgeon's office I weighted in at 207lbs. Ouch. Time for a reality check.
The bad thing about the gastric band is you don't have that satisfying feeling once you eat. Sure you loose weight but in the end you do more effort than it doing it for you. It took me awhile to get this. The first 30 came off fairly easy within that first year. Then the next year - nothing. Now I am almost at 3 year mark wit October slowly approaching.
Going back to the basics of what allowed me to loose the first 30 pounds, I realized how little I ate. So since last Thursday I reduced my calories greatly. I am not counting the exact calories since when I do I try to squeeze in random and not healthy things just 'because there is left over calories'.
No rice or breads
Lots of water
Protein shakes
Fruits
Veggies
Chicken / Fish / Beef (for dinner)
Yogurt
Salads
(and of course no Starbucks visits)
I am feeling full on what I am eating. If I am hungry I do eat - just not as much. Not eating out helps. It is working... I am down to 200 LBS... only 5 days later! I am excited.
Goal for this week: Keep it up!
Weight for today: 200 lbs
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Starbucks es mi diablo!
Not loving where I am at... I am up to 206 this week. I have been hanging around this number for a few weeks. it is amazing how quickly one can gain back some weight but it is so hard to get rid of.
Starbucks is the Devil!
I blame my addiction to Starbucks as my problem. I have been a major addict the past month or two. I have a Grande Soy Chai a few times a week. Not only do I get the Chai, I always seem to find myself ordering a pastry. Three of the mini vanilla Scones. Damn you cute little treats. I either need to not go at all or mix it up with a hot plain tea... if I go. Or just take more efforts in making a breakfast the night ahead. I know what I have to do but I just feel stuck mentally int he wrong place.
Today I have an appointment with my Surgeon. In about an hour. I hope that he will give me a little maintenance fill to put me right back on track. You would think a wedding would be motivation but yet it hasn't been one at all. Now even more of a motivation it should be to have some babies... we want to start trying right after the wedding. I ideally wanted to be down 20 pounds pre-wedding... instead I am up 6 - 8 depending on the day. The odd thing is, my body is toning up more. I am a little less flabby so I hope the working out differently is helping me tone and just not showing on the scale. I highly doubt my 6 pounds is due to muscle gain either. I always get a BIG reality check when I go see my doctor.. I am sure I will get one today. Wish me luck.
p.s. I bought a Shakeweight.... silly but try it.. you will feel that burn.
Weight for today: 206
Starbucks is the Devil!
I blame my addiction to Starbucks as my problem. I have been a major addict the past month or two. I have a Grande Soy Chai a few times a week. Not only do I get the Chai, I always seem to find myself ordering a pastry. Three of the mini vanilla Scones. Damn you cute little treats. I either need to not go at all or mix it up with a hot plain tea... if I go. Or just take more efforts in making a breakfast the night ahead. I know what I have to do but I just feel stuck mentally int he wrong place.
Today I have an appointment with my Surgeon. In about an hour. I hope that he will give me a little maintenance fill to put me right back on track. You would think a wedding would be motivation but yet it hasn't been one at all. Now even more of a motivation it should be to have some babies... we want to start trying right after the wedding. I ideally wanted to be down 20 pounds pre-wedding... instead I am up 6 - 8 depending on the day. The odd thing is, my body is toning up more. I am a little less flabby so I hope the working out differently is helping me tone and just not showing on the scale. I highly doubt my 6 pounds is due to muscle gain either. I always get a BIG reality check when I go see my doctor.. I am sure I will get one today. Wish me luck.
p.s. I bought a Shakeweight.... silly but try it.. you will feel that burn.
Weight for today: 206
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I'm ALIVE!
It has been since DECEMBER since I have posted. I just have been so busy with life that I never made any time to focus on myself and blogging. Normally work is slow and I play on the internet most of the day... Lately that is not the case. Work has picked up a lot and I now have an employee.
So much has happened since December. Good and Bad. A lot has changed in my relationship with my husband-to-be. We are even closer now than before. Really being there for one another and it definitely takes you to a new level in one's relationship once there is marriage in the near future. One can't understand it until you go thru it. I never understood it before BUT now it is way different. With all that has been going on we communicate better and just appreciated one another more. We have had a lot go on with his family not agreeing with his choice to get married. I will just leave it at that. It is just way to much to go into. What is a wedding without drama, right?
Wedding planning is going smoothly. I am enjoying it. I am in the process of booking my last vendor. The catering company. I think I put it off the longest since it is the most expensive thing to pay. Overall the wedding is on track and now the main vendors are picked... now the small details are next. It is very easy to design items for other people's weddings for freelance work BUT once you do your own... I am so damn picky or can't pick what I like. Funny how things are. You would think you would know your oneself best!?! July is coming very quick and soon I will be a wife.
I am getting in touch with my inner chef too. I have been cooking at home for the two of us. I find it very rewarding to cook for us. We save money eating in, we eat lower calorie meals and just the overall eating together is a good bonding time. It is down time at the end of a busy day. I love having the kitchen to myself and getting into the cooking zone. It is fun to see the results and prepare myself for 'wife' duties.
Aside from eating well at home, I eat crappy any other meal. I over eat and with stress at work mixed in. Not a good combo for me. I never went for my fill appointment. I had put it off since I have been eating like crap and felt kinda tight the last month or so. I have been so hungry all the time and eat whatever is in front of me. Not good when a wedding is months away. Well I rescheduled my appointment until next week. I go in for a check up and possible fill. I have not weighted myself in almost a month. I know I have gained and I am afraid of what that evil scale will tell me.. aside from the truth.
I feel like I am just waiting for the damn bell to ring and I will be out of my funk. I work out more but eat poop. I don't snack but I do drink near meals. A big no-no. I have to find that happy medium. Hoping the time change will help me as well with doing a small walk or run after work. I enjoy the day more with the sunshine up when I am done for the day.
Now it is time to catch up on my favorite blogs I have missed so very much.
So much has happened since December. Good and Bad. A lot has changed in my relationship with my husband-to-be. We are even closer now than before. Really being there for one another and it definitely takes you to a new level in one's relationship once there is marriage in the near future. One can't understand it until you go thru it. I never understood it before BUT now it is way different. With all that has been going on we communicate better and just appreciated one another more. We have had a lot go on with his family not agreeing with his choice to get married. I will just leave it at that. It is just way to much to go into. What is a wedding without drama, right?
Wedding planning is going smoothly. I am enjoying it. I am in the process of booking my last vendor. The catering company. I think I put it off the longest since it is the most expensive thing to pay. Overall the wedding is on track and now the main vendors are picked... now the small details are next. It is very easy to design items for other people's weddings for freelance work BUT once you do your own... I am so damn picky or can't pick what I like. Funny how things are. You would think you would know your oneself best!?! July is coming very quick and soon I will be a wife.
I am getting in touch with my inner chef too. I have been cooking at home for the two of us. I find it very rewarding to cook for us. We save money eating in, we eat lower calorie meals and just the overall eating together is a good bonding time. It is down time at the end of a busy day. I love having the kitchen to myself and getting into the cooking zone. It is fun to see the results and prepare myself for 'wife' duties.
Aside from eating well at home, I eat crappy any other meal. I over eat and with stress at work mixed in. Not a good combo for me. I never went for my fill appointment. I had put it off since I have been eating like crap and felt kinda tight the last month or so. I have been so hungry all the time and eat whatever is in front of me. Not good when a wedding is months away. Well I rescheduled my appointment until next week. I go in for a check up and possible fill. I have not weighted myself in almost a month. I know I have gained and I am afraid of what that evil scale will tell me.. aside from the truth.
I feel like I am just waiting for the damn bell to ring and I will be out of my funk. I work out more but eat poop. I don't snack but I do drink near meals. A big no-no. I have to find that happy medium. Hoping the time change will help me as well with doing a small walk or run after work. I enjoy the day more with the sunshine up when I am done for the day.
Now it is time to catch up on my favorite blogs I have missed so very much.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
X-Ray Live Recording
Monday I checked into the hospital to get my fill done under the X-ray. Before I had it done where they insert the needle into your side to do the fill right after you drink contrast fluid. They watch it live on a monitor so they know they have the right amount and flow of the fluid versus the amount in the new fill. It was really cool last time since it was live feed and I could watch. Granted I didn't look at the larger needle they stuck in my side. As long as I am numbed I am fine with all of this.
This time I didn't have the fill done as I thought I was going to have done that day. I was taken to the X-ray room where they took one still image of my mid-section. Then angled the table so I am basically standing up with the video machine in front of me. I drank the fluid - let gravity do it's thing while they recorded the fluid moving thru my throat into stomach. I had to angle myself a few different ways and drink more contrast fluids. This time it was a thick white creamy paste like drink since I am allergic to contrast dye. I guess less people have a reaction to this kind. Tastes pretty damn gross and doesn't come out very nicely either... sorry TMI.
The second half of the recording they had the machine tilt me back to be laying down on my back. I had to drink two big gulps of the fluid and roll 180 degrees around. They wanted the fluid to coat my stomach. Kind of funny but it makes sense. After that I then laid on my stomach, drinking more fluid while they recorded the fluid go down this way.
I kept asking them when they were going to do the fill. They looked confused as much as I was. I honestly was expecting a fill under he X-ray again. But this time they just wanted to record the data and then send it to my surgeon. At that time he will check to see if I need a fill based upon the footage. The still shot X-ray was to compare the present location to the implant date. They told me right away that it hadn't moved or developed any irregularities.
So here I wait, till I hear back from my doctor to see what I should do next. Mean while I am still juicing, still having big salads for lunch and making an effort when we eat out not to eat fried or bread/pastas. I really would like to be down to 180 for the wedding. Most of all I would like to be 180 to start trying to get pregnant shortly after the wedding. That is only 20 pounds... and some change. I know I can do it!
Goal for this week: Sweat it out - "Sweat is fat crying!"
Weight for today: 205
This time I didn't have the fill done as I thought I was going to have done that day. I was taken to the X-ray room where they took one still image of my mid-section. Then angled the table so I am basically standing up with the video machine in front of me. I drank the fluid - let gravity do it's thing while they recorded the fluid moving thru my throat into stomach. I had to angle myself a few different ways and drink more contrast fluids. This time it was a thick white creamy paste like drink since I am allergic to contrast dye. I guess less people have a reaction to this kind. Tastes pretty damn gross and doesn't come out very nicely either... sorry TMI.
The second half of the recording they had the machine tilt me back to be laying down on my back. I had to drink two big gulps of the fluid and roll 180 degrees around. They wanted the fluid to coat my stomach. Kind of funny but it makes sense. After that I then laid on my stomach, drinking more fluid while they recorded the fluid go down this way.
I kept asking them when they were going to do the fill. They looked confused as much as I was. I honestly was expecting a fill under he X-ray again. But this time they just wanted to record the data and then send it to my surgeon. At that time he will check to see if I need a fill based upon the footage. The still shot X-ray was to compare the present location to the implant date. They told me right away that it hadn't moved or developed any irregularities.
So here I wait, till I hear back from my doctor to see what I should do next. Mean while I am still juicing, still having big salads for lunch and making an effort when we eat out not to eat fried or bread/pastas. I really would like to be down to 180 for the wedding. Most of all I would like to be 180 to start trying to get pregnant shortly after the wedding. That is only 20 pounds... and some change. I know I can do it!
Goal for this week: Sweat it out - "Sweat is fat crying!"
Weight for today: 205
Friday, December 16, 2011
Wedding Boot Camp - Start Button
I have been looking forward to this day where I can actually say I AM GETTING MARRIED! Oh my god... ecstatic really! We just got engaged over this past weekend. Totally perfect day; sunny and warm walk on the beach. Couldn't image a better proposal.
I am so happy!
The one thing this means is that even before setting a date or any planning has begun... the first thing on my mind is loosing some weight. How sad it that! Now I have to get into Wedding Boot Camp mode to focus on what I am eating and how much calories I am burning at the gym.
Fresh juices, Protein Shakes, Lean meats and no carbs are in my near future.
This past week I spoke with my surgeon about how frustrated I am that even though I am eating better than I have in a long time, the scale isn't moving. So instead of having a fill in his office I am going to have it done under the X-Ray on Monday. I have had this done before right when I was first banded and it went great. It is expensive but since I met my deductible for the year I have to have it done before the end of the calendar year.
I am concerned that even when he gives me a decent fill it doesn't last and why doesn't it last? Sure, it looses it's luster but how can I eat 2 cups of dense meat in one sitting and 1. Be able to eat that amount and 2. Where is my restriction? Then at times I take one bite of something and poof 'I am stuck'. There just isn't any consistency. And when I do have restriction it is only maybe 30% of the time. I just don't get it.
Wish me luck on Monday! A fill and starting my Wedding Boot Camp. Eak! A BIG day.
Goal for the week: Water (yes still I suck at it and have to remind myself daily)
Weight for today: 205
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Mean Greens and Energy
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I have a Brevelle Juicer. They can be pretty expensive but I have the lower cost version that is a compact style. I found it on amazon for under $90.
I didn't have a set recipe I wanted to follow so I just got a bunch of items and threw it in. The first time I made this version of juice I didn't put that many apples in it. I think the apples are a must if you have a lot of greens. I used.... kale, chard, celery, carrots, cucumbers, ginger, green and red apples, a but of lime. I also defrosted some strawberries and berry medley mix I had in the freezer just to see what it could add to the flavor. Next time I will add fresh strawberries since it didn't do much for sweetness. There is a lot of produce here since I made enough to yield 2 portions.
I drank some for dinner and couldn't even finish the one glass. When you first make it, the juice is kinda frothy but really filling. The remaining I drank the next day wasn't as good tasting but still very filling. I have never had kale or chard in my life and now I am interested in making them in a meal for a side.Last week I juiced for 4-5 meals. And I even got up early a second day. I got up to run the hill by my house. I felt great that I got up and ran at 7am. I made some coffee before I left the house so I can have a cup of hot coffee when I got back from the cold morning air. I felt so energetic thru my whole day. It is such a great feeling. I have a lot more energy!
Over the weekend we also did the "bootie buster hill" that I would always have to stop half way when I weighted 230. I didn't even stop or breathe heavy. Even managed to run part of the dirt trail at the top of the hill. The area is called Torrey Pines State Beach. At the top of this hill that most tourist drive up, is an outlook of the coastline, a state park and a bunch of walking trails. I think it is one of San Diego's hidden gems. My boyfriend kept saying how proud of me he was that I just kept going and then how surprised he was that all of a sudden I started to run on the trail. It made me feel great that I did it and also he was shocked.
Goals This Week: So this week I will get up early two more days and run the hill near my house, I will juice thru the week. I think my blood pressure is down as well! Whoo hoo
Weight For Today: 203 lbs.
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