I'm ALIVE!

It has been since DECEMBER since I have posted. I just have been so busy with life that I never made any time to focus on myself and blogging. Normally work is slow and I play on the internet most of the day... Lately that is not the case. Work has picked up a lot and I now have an employee.

So much has happened since December. Good and Bad. A lot has changed in my relationship with my husband-to-be. We are even closer now than before. Really being there for one another and it definitely takes you to a new level in one's relationship once there is marriage in the near future. One can't understand it until you go thru it. I never understood it before BUT now it is way different. With all that has been going on we communicate better and just appreciated one another more. We have had a lot go on with his family not agreeing with his choice to get married. I will just leave it at that. It is just way to much to go into. What is a wedding without drama, right?

Wedding planning is going smoothly. I am enjoying it. I am in the process of booking my last vendor. The catering company. I think I put it off the longest since it is the most expensive thing to pay. Overall the wedding is on track and now the main vendors are picked... now the small details are next. It is very easy to design items for other people's weddings for freelance work BUT once you do your own... I am so damn picky or can't pick what I like. Funny how things are. You would think you would know your oneself best!?! July is coming very quick and soon I will be a wife.

I am getting in touch with my inner chef too. I have been cooking at home for the two of us. I find it very rewarding to cook for us. We save money eating in, we eat lower calorie meals and just the overall eating together is a good bonding time. It is down time at the end of a busy day. I love having the kitchen to myself and getting into the cooking zone. It is fun to see the results and prepare myself for 'wife' duties.

Aside from eating well at home, I eat crappy any other meal. I over eat and with stress at work mixed in. Not a good combo for me. I never went for my fill appointment. I had put it off since I have been eating like crap and felt kinda tight the last month or so. I have been so hungry all the time and eat whatever is in front of me. Not good when a wedding is months away. Well I rescheduled my appointment until next week. I go in for a check up and possible fill. I have not weighted myself in almost a month. I know I have gained and I am afraid of what that evil scale will tell me.. aside from the truth.

I feel like I am just waiting for the damn bell to ring and I will be out of my funk. I work out more but eat poop. I don't snack but I do drink near meals. A big no-no. I have to find that happy medium. Hoping the time change will help me as well with doing a small walk or run after work. I enjoy the day more with the sunshine up when I am done for the day.

Now it is time to catch up on my favorite blogs I have missed so very much.

X-Ray Live Recording

Monday I checked into the hospital to get my fill done under the X-ray. Before I had it done where they insert the needle into your side to do the fill right after you drink contrast fluid. They watch it live on a monitor so they know they have the right amount and flow of the fluid versus the amount in the new fill. It was really cool last time since it was live feed and I could watch. Granted I didn't look at the larger needle they stuck in my side. As long as I am numbed I am fine with all of this.

This time I didn't have the fill done as I thought I was going to have done that day. I was taken to the X-ray room where they took one still image of my mid-section. Then angled the table so I am basically standing up with the video machine in front of me. I drank the fluid - let gravity do it's thing while they recorded the fluid moving thru my throat into stomach. I had to angle myself a few different ways and drink more contrast fluids. This time it was a thick white creamy paste like drink since I am allergic to contrast dye. I guess less people have a reaction to this kind. Tastes pretty damn gross and doesn't come out very nicely either... sorry TMI.

The second half of the recording they had the machine tilt me back to be laying down on my back. I had to drink two big gulps of the fluid and roll 180 degrees around. They wanted the fluid to coat my stomach. Kind of funny but it makes sense. After that I then laid on my stomach, drinking more fluid while they recorded the fluid go down this way.

I kept asking them when they were going to do the fill. They looked confused as much as I was. I honestly was expecting a fill under he X-ray again. But this time they just wanted to record the data and then send it to my surgeon. At that time he will check to see if I need a fill based upon the footage. The still shot X-ray was to compare the present location to the implant date. They told me right away that it hadn't moved or developed any irregularities.

So here I wait, till I hear back from my doctor to see what I should do next. Mean while I am still juicing, still having big salads for lunch and making an effort when we eat out not to eat fried or bread/pastas. I really would like to be down to 180 for the wedding. Most of all I would like to be 180 to start trying to get pregnant shortly after the wedding. That is only 20 pounds... and some change. I know I can do it!


Goal for this week: Sweat it out - "Sweat is fat crying!"

Weight for today: 205

Wedding Boot Camp - Start Button

I have been looking forward to this day where I can actually say I AM GETTING MARRIED! Oh my god... ecstatic really! We just got engaged over this past weekend. Totally perfect day; sunny and warm walk on the beach. Couldn't image a better proposal. 

I am so happy!

The one thing this means is that even before setting a date or any planning has begun... the first thing on my mind is loosing some weight. How sad it that! Now I have to get into Wedding Boot Camp mode to focus on what I am eating and how much calories I am burning at the gym. 

Fresh juices, Protein Shakes, Lean meats and no carbs are in my near future.

This past week I spoke with my surgeon about how frustrated I am that even though I am eating better than I have in a long time, the scale isn't moving. So instead of having a fill in his office I am going to have it done under the X-Ray on Monday. I have had this done before right when I was first banded and it went great. It is expensive but since I met my deductible for the year I have to have it done before the end of the calendar year. 

I am concerned that even when he gives me a decent fill it doesn't last and why doesn't it last? Sure, it looses it's luster but how can I eat 2 cups of dense meat in one sitting and 1. Be able to eat that amount and 2. Where is my restriction? Then at times I take one bite of something and poof 'I am stuck'. There just isn't any consistency. And when I do have restriction it is only maybe 30% of the time. I just don't get it.

Wish me luck on Monday! A fill and starting my Wedding Boot Camp. Eak! A BIG day. 

Goal for the week: Water (yes still I suck at it and have to remind myself daily)

Weight for today: 205

Mean Greens and Energy

Last week I blogged about how better I am feeling and how ODD it was I woke up at 6:30am to do chores around the house with such joy. Well later on that day I even started my juicer up. I have been wanting to juice since I saw the Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead movie. Luckily I already had a juicer so it didn't really cost me much to start it. When I first was banded I thought that I would constantly make my own juices while on my liquid diet. So I bought a juicer. I had only made fresh juice twice then stored my juicer away. Two years later here I am using it again....

I have a Brevelle Juicer. They can be pretty expensive but I have the lower cost version that is a compact style. I found it on amazon for under $90.

I didn't have a set recipe I wanted to follow so I just got a bunch of items and threw it in. The first time I made this version of juice I didn't put that many apples in it. I think the apples are a must if you have a lot of greens. I used.... kale, chard, celery, carrots, cucumbers, ginger, green and red apples, a but of lime. I also defrosted some strawberries and berry medley mix I had in the freezer just to see what it could add to the flavor. Next time I will add fresh strawberries since it didn't do much for sweetness. There is a lot of produce here since I made enough to yield 2 portions.

I drank some for dinner and couldn't even finish the one glass. When you first make it, the juice is kinda frothy but really filling. The remaining I drank the next day wasn't as good tasting but still very filling. I have never had kale or chard in my life and now I am interested in making them in a meal for a side.

Last week I juiced for 4-5 meals. And I even got up early a second day. I got up to run the hill by my house. I felt great that I got up and ran at 7am. I made some coffee before I left the house so I can have a cup of hot coffee when I got back from the cold morning air. I felt so energetic thru my whole day. It is such a great feeling. I have a lot more energy!

Over the weekend we also did the "bootie buster hill" that I would always have to stop half way when I weighted 230. I didn't even stop or breathe heavy. Even managed to run part of the dirt trail at the top of the hill. The area is called Torrey Pines State Beach. At the top of this hill that most tourist drive up, is an outlook of the coastline, a state park and a bunch of walking trails. I think it is one of San Diego's hidden gems. My boyfriend kept saying how proud of me he was that I just kept going and then how surprised he was that all of a sudden I started to run on the trail. It made me feel great that I did it and also he was shocked.

Goals This Week: So this week I will get up early two more days and run the hill near my house, I will juice thru the week. I think my blood pressure is down as well! Whoo hoo

Weight For Today: 203 lbs.

Is This What Motivation Feels Like?

Today I woke up at 6:30 am which is kinda odd to me since I love my sleep. I woke up right away and started laundry, cleaned up, even made myself breakfast at home... All before work. Now, if you know me this is very rare that I get up before 8am to go to work. I don't have to be to work until 9am. And even then I am late. I hate being late to things but for some reason WORK I am ALWAYS late for no matter how much I try. Today, something different happened... phases of the moon, the red sea dividing, pigs flying... whatever it was I feel very proud that I have done so much today before work and don't feel sluggish one bit. Very energetic - feels kinda off but right at the same time.

Last night I stocked up on veggies and fruits to start making a few fresh juices for the week. The Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead movie has inspired me in a way. I figured with protein shakes, juices, big salads, yogurts, nuts... that I would be good to eat healthy for the next 2 weeks. Might even shoot for a goal of eating better until Christmas. You know, as time frame for motivation. Cause it has been way to long since I have ate like a perfect bandster.

If I can keep myself getting up early on the days I don't go to the gym... which would be only 2 week days. I could make a huge difference in my work out schedule and motivation. I think if I am eating the right foods, get plenty of exercise, and not over sleep... I could feel this great (or better) everyday. You are what you eat right? If I eat good then I will feel good. Seems logical.


For some greatness to God, I am down 2 pounds and I didn't really try that hard. I just have stopped eating out as much. For awhile there, I was eating out like an old habit that made me 230 pounds. Not good one bit. Now I am mentally back and determined. I gotta run with it... I gotta stick to it... I gotta be accountable for my food choices. I have the working out part down but eating right is a must. They work hand in hand.

To top things off I am still pretty pissed off at myself that I had creeped back into the 200's so easily. It came back so easy after I had worked hard to get the last bit off just to get into the 190's.

Now today I am 204lbs. 
Not proud of that number one bit. 
Not proud that I am 2 years out of being banded and I was at -32 now at -26. 
That isn't where I want to be and nor should I be.
Come on... 2 year I have only lost -26 pounds when I should be down to my goal weight of 150lbs.
Motivation Folks, Motivation!


Goal for this Week: Make some really great tasting fresh juices.

Weight for today: 204lbs.

Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead

I highly suggest everyone to watch a documentary called "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead". Sounds like some kooky crazy film but in all actuality it was pretty informative and has changed the way I see what I am eating. My little light bulb is a bit brighter.

Granted I love to eat bad foods but now I am seriously thinking about busting out my juicer and at least having one homemade fresh juice per day or a few times a week.

_

Joe Cross (right)  juicing up on the road with his
battery powered Juicer!
Now who says you can't eat right while traveling!

100 pounds overweight, loaded up on steroids and suffering from a debilitating autoimmune disease, Joe Cross is at the end of his rope and the end of his hope. In the mirror he saw a 310lb man whose gut was bigger than a beach ball and a path laid out before him that wouldn't end well— with one foot already in the grave, the other wasn't far behind. FAT, SICK & NEARLY DEAD is an inspiring film that chronicles Joe's personal mission to regain his health.

With doctors and conventional medicines unable to help long- term, Joe turns to the only option left, the body's ability to heal itself. He trades in the junk food and hits the road with juicer and generator in tow, vowing only to drink fresh fruit and vegetable juice for the next 60 days. Across 3,000 miles Joe has one goal in mind: To get off his pills and achieve a balanced lifestyle.

While talking to more than 500 Americans about food, health and longevity, it's at a truck stop in Arizona where Joe meets a truck driver who suffers from the same rare condition. Phil Staples is morbidly obese weighing in at 429 lbs; a cheeseburger away from a heart-attack. As Joe is recovering his health, Phil begins his own epic journey to get well.

What emerges is nothing short of amazing – an inspiring tale of healing and human connection.

Part road trip, part self-help manifesto, FAT, SICK & NEARLY DEAD defies the traditional documentary format to present an unconventional and uplifting story of two men from different worlds who each realize that the only person who can save them is themselves.

_

Check out the movie and let me know what you think!

http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com/index.html

Rent it on Netflix for free this thanksgiving weekend.

Silk Number

It has been a few weeks since I have last posted. There has been a lot going on in the personal life but not much going on in my band life. 

I have stuck to the new work out routine until the time changed and I dont feel safe running in a dark street anymore. I have to find a way to still be able to fit in my hill run. It isn't as easy to do it after work like before. I get out of work when it is dark now. If I had more motivation and wasn't such a sleeper I would do it before I went to work. That I would really have to try to do. I think I would fail within the first week. 

It has been a crazy past 2 weeks. my brother got married and we have had lots of family in town for more than just the weekend. All week. Granted they aren't high maintenance but we just ate out more. The whole deal with my brother's wedding that really bothered me was that I wasn't in it. I had helped out with the invitations and the signage - even hosting the rehearsal dinner. Since I was kinda hurt about it - I figured to make up for it I would get even more dressed up. I hoped that people would of kept the focus on how I looked versus 1. Not being in the wedding and 2. "When are you and your boyfriend going to get married" question. I swear every person I spoke with that night asked. It was very annoying. No need to ask when they already know we are on that path. So all in all my plan of looking great only went so far. The master plan didn't work....

.. or maybe it did? I felt great. Got a good buzz on. Danced. Visited with both sides of my family. Had lots of fun.

I may be struggling with my weight loss but the band has allowed me to fit in this size 14 satin number and feel as radiant as it is blue. I would of never worn it before. Cheers to that!

In my last post I told you I was going to wear that purple dress... It fit perfectly BUT it was to casual. So I went out and found the blue dress. The purple dress I wore to the rehearsal dinner. After the dinner, I ended up ripping the side seam area chasing after my neighbors dog that ran across our busy street, in the rain. The things we do for cute fluffy dogs... It was pretty funny but now I have to learn how to sew it.

Goal for this week: Drink lots of water and find time to fit in the new hill run.

Weight for today: 205

Shabby Apple - Fit to Flatter Dresses

I am so excited to share this with you. I have found a website that has nothing to do with banding but all to do with the joy of dress shopping!

I came across this site from GroupOn. Last year I used my GroupOn web code to get a 2 for 1 price on these adorable dresses. Today I purchased another dress and I can't wait for it to be shipped.

I know I hate finding clothes online since you never know what will fit and if it is the right dress. This site has a great selection and very honest about their sizes. Even if you are plus sized - they have tons of sizes and dazzling dresses. They even have a Fit to Flatter section that helps you select a dress that will fit your body type. It is a very personal purchase experience that keeps me coming back for more. Its just the waiting for it to ship I don't like... I want instant gratification cause I love it so much. 

Here is the dress I just got for my brother's wedding. Its much better than the typical cocktail dress from JCPenny's. I can see myself wearing this dress A LOT!

Happy Shopping!


Check it out....

ShabbyApple.com

We’re an online dress boutique selling women’s dresses, casual dresses, skirts, and women’s apparel. 


We recognize that finding the perfect dress can sometimes be challenging, which is why strive to design highly fashionable dresses for all types of women. So please, feel free to have a look around. 


Whether you’re looking for evening dresses, blouses, or the perfect skirt, we should have something that is right for you! And keep in mind that we are always designing new dresses for women, as well as coming out with entirely new fashion lines.

2 YEARS

This week marks year 2 since I was banded. I'd have to say this is the best 2 years of my life. Of course it isn't all happy days, there are many frustrating ones... but I am referring to the person I have come to be. That is really what this journey is all about. Sure I may bitch about how frustrated I am that I am not seeing the scale move this part year... but who I am on this inside is definitely shinning thru. I am seeing more and more of my ideal self.

Not so much the fat girl mentality any more... Year one is really finding and adjusting to the new lifestyle. A little bit bumpy and unsure. But by the time you are onto year 2 you find your place, you find out how far you are willing to push yourself, you find out a lot more than what you ever expected of who you are to become.

I know that my journey is a bit slower than some. But I have come to be realistic that the weight wont magically come off as it did the first few months. You truly and honestly have to work at it.

Without being banded I wouldn't have done most of the things I have in the past 2 years.
Even thought of going to a gym
Spin Class
Yoga Class
Zip Lining
Mountain Bike riding
Kayaking (in my bathing suit)
Vacation in my bathing suit
Wear a size 14
Think about my outfits versus throwing on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt
Wake up happy
Acupuncture
Meditation
Fit into a plane seat
Wear tank tops
Wear Skinny Jeans
Enjoy Shopping (probably too much sometimes)
Eat organic
Dance without being drunk (you know what I am takin' about)
Dance solo on the dance floor
Wear fun bracelets
Wear a watch

There is so much more to life than just the scale. I guess if you aren't happy with yourself no matter what that damn scale says... you just wont be happy. Cheers to another year and more fun things ahead...

Focus on Self

The last couple of weeks I have been watching a lot of 'fat shows'. I am not sure what to call them. You know shows like Biggest Looser, I Used to be Fat, Chelsea Settles. Granted I have spent more time watching TV than my normal reading at night. Sometimes I get sucked in to reality TV. One thing that has come out of all this TV craze is that I am watching these people go thru these life changing opportunities... I am watching others go thru it instead of focusing on my own opportunities. I shouldn't be sitting there - I should be doing!

I have started to think more about what I am doing wrong and how to fix it. I mean simple stuff that will make a difference. Not eating a scone or muffin but eating an apple instead. Having quick bites of good things versus evil things. What I see I eat. So if I see the right choices I will do it instead of searching out quick fixes or bad food choices. Saving the 300 calorie mistake.

Another thing I have made a change is in how many times I work out and what I am doing. For example, I went to my first Spin class since July. It felt great to go. I burned tons of calories and sweat like no other. I have been doing 2 yoga classes each week since my injury. I think I have babied it way too long and I have to do more. Spin is that answer. I have enjoyed my yoga classes so I will keep going but now only once a week. I am trying to get back to what I was doing before July. This includes weights. I can't forget to do them - I have to make time for them. Definitely can tell my muscle tone has gone down since I haven't been doing it. 

Stress is a big factor in way I am unhappy and always gained weight. I notice the days I don't go to the gym I am very lazy or more stressed. I always feel better and make wiser choices if I work out. I want to be one of the people who do something each day. If I really want to be a certain person then I need to act upon it. With that said this week I have started a new routine.

Monday: 1 hour cardio (outside or gym)

Tuesday: 1 hour Spin Class, 1 hour weights

Wednesday: 1 hour cardio (outside or gym)

Thursday: 1 hour Yoga Class, 30 min cardio, 1 hour weights

Friday: Off day

Saturday: 1 hour cardio, 1 hour weights, Swim Laps or Spin Class

Sunday: 1 hour cardio, 1 hour weights, Swim Laps or Spin Class

I am logging everything down and how many reps again. That way I can visually see progress and push myself each time. I haven't been doing that and that is why I have gained 7 pounds since my Maui trip in July. It disappoints me and I am mad at myself. I have to get my 199 back. I have to earn it once again.

Next week is my 2 year bandiversay. Wow 2 years!

Goals for this week: Follow Simplicity

Weight for today: 204.5