Shame On Me

I am in full gear ramping up for my cruise and still a bit peeved at myself for missing my birthday goal last week. So now I am onto my next goal - THE CRUISE GOAL! I leave in 22 days and counting. I want to loose something - anything before then. I don't know if I will make it into my bikini bottoms that I wanted to. But dammit I am gonna try!

So with that said, I did a 3 hour workout yesterday. That much because I missed my Thursday workout. I did a toning and cardio routine that has tons of squats and makes you sweat! Then did back and shoulders for my muscle focus. Then did so many ab crunches. We came across a magazine that is all about abs. So I did a few different suggestions from there. With that said today I really feel sore in my legs from all the damn squats. I am walking around so slow and standing up from my desk like an old lady. The sore feeling I like because then I know I am doing something that is working.

Each time I go to the gym I have been working on my triceps. I do pull down pulleys, solo pulleys, and overhead triceps press. I notice a difference even though I am not doing heavy weights I am just doing something.

I am really trying to eat better foods since my birthday. I am focusing on my proteins and drinking more water. Which reminds me gulp, gulp.... I really need to change what I am doing because whatever I have been doing for months now isn't working. Shame on me. I guess you can say I am taking all that anger about still being in the 200's and refocusing it in a positive. It just pisses me off that I am not where I want to be when losing the first 25 pounds was so much easier. It came off really easy. Every week I saw a loss. The last 5 pounds and 5 months have been a real struggle.

I question if my band has slipped and that is why I dont have that restriction.
I question why I don't feel that satisfied feeling.
I question why I am hungry.

I read everyone's success stories of how far everyone has come and I feel everyone is passing me by. That can be very hard to see when you are on the other side. We have all been given this gift of having a band, and I just feel like with all my struggles I am the girl that you read about that is on the lower end of the weightloss scale.

The one that they say...
"The band just isn't for everyone"
"It works slower than gastric bypass."
"Everyone's journey is different"
"The band works different for everyone"
...and so on.

Goal for this week: Water!

Weight for today: 201

Birthday Goal Missed

Yep, I missed my birthday goal of losing 10 pounds but on the flip-side I am back to 200 from my little gain of 4 pounds. Thank goodness. I spent my birthday at Disneyland yesterday. It was a great day and we didn't eat to bad. Being there you can get caught up in the sweet treats and junk food. But I think I did pretty well from giving into that temptation. I even bought a $2 white peach just to get some fruit in my day. It ended up being the best peach but for $2... mmmm pricey. We drank a lot of water and only ate meals versus snacking thru the day. Our focus was staying hydrated and out of the direct sun light. But damn turning 32 is kinda scary. I am O-L-D!

The last week or so I have felt very tight. I haven't been stuck but just that tightness if I don't chew enough before I swallow is enough to make me stop and let it pass. Makes me a bit nauseous... It has made me really eat slower and chew more. It can hurt pretty bad. It is like a burp that is really intense. A couple weeks from now I have my next fill appointment. I am not sure if this tightness is related to my period and will loosen but for now even though it can hurt I am actually enjoying my band reminding me it is there.

Tonight is a gym night so even though I am tired from Disneyland I have to go and really push myself. Even though I ate okay there I still exceeded my calorie intake. I have to make up for it with some ass kickin'

Goal for this week: Drink protein water to get me thru the day.

Weight for today: 200.4

10 Months

Yesterday was my 10 month mark. As of today.... I finally got my period that has been long over due. And I have not lost the 10 pounds that I wanted to by my birthday goal mark. Well unless I loose 10 pounds by Monday when it really is my birthday. Kinda of mad at myself about not getting to a mini goal but what can a girl do... 'try harder dammit!' ha ha ha

So I leave you with my 9 month progress photo that I meant to send last month. And a few fun photos from the last few weeks.

Hiking in Big Bear with old College Roommates


Dinner for my boyfriend's birthday in July

Try Harder Dammit!

Last night I was thinking about what to write about in the blog for this week. I didn't want to write about being down on myself for the scale telling me I am back at 204 and no period to be the reason. It never came. But instead my new book got me thinking. I am reading Eat Pray Love. I am about 50 or so pages into it. It is about self discovery while this woman travels. I am sure there is more to the story but I am just starting this read.

In the book she talks about meeting someone who gives her a drawing of what came from a prayer. It was of a 4 legged person, with no head but flowers coming from the spot where a head should be, then in place of the heart there was a happy face. It basically represented being steady on your feet, making your heart happy first, then to not think with your head. (If that at all made any sense.)

Didn't really hit me at first, but then I was thinking about my blog and me not being where I am wanting to be weight wise. Then it dawned on me that I am over thinking and second guessing myself. I am thinking too much with my head and not my heart. My head tells me things I shouldn't do, snacking, liquid calories, being lazy. But my heart tells me I need to be strong, push myself and make right food choices for my future. Things that seem very obvious but I have gotten off track the past few weeks and it is time to take a few steps back and make better choices.

For me.
For my happy heart.
For who I want to be.

As a follow up to the iphone food log app. I am very good about typing in all of my food and exercise. It has really helped to have easy access to track my ins and outs. Since I have started I have gained back 4 pounds. I have basically exceeded my calories 8 out of 10 entry.

No more:
Starbucks Soy Chai
doughnuts
sneaking M&M candies
snacking thru the day
liquid calories
junk food
mushy food
bread
ice cream

Goals For This Week: Try harder Dammit!

Weight For Today: 204.6

The Walk from Obesity

Join a walk in your area! The one closest to me is in Long Beach, California... but there are walks all over the US. Check out the site to see if there is one near you. My surgeon's office sent this to me.

If you can't make it to the Chicago BOOBS event - this might be something for you.

In cities across the United States, individuals affected by obesity, their family members and friends, healthcare professionals and many others come together and proudly walk to raise awareness of the disease of obesity, childhood obesity and morbid obesity in the annual Walk from Obesity

http://www.walkfromobesity.com/index.php

Tap & Track

My new iphone app is called Tap & Track. I paid $3.99 for this and so far after one week it is worth every penny. Now sure if anyone uses an online food log or an app to track their In take and Out take.

When I was first banded I logged into fitday.com. A great site that will help you track all your foods and exercise. Even does pie and bar charts! I used it for about 3 months. THEN I stopped. Not sure why - maybe it was the weight loss going to my head or the ability to log in everyday before I forgot what I ate. (that is when entries go into this imaginary world and you forget to put the 10 mm&m's you consumed while driving)

I needed something better, something that I could log in anytime I wanted... something meant for my life.... I came across Tap and Track.

What Does the Tap & Track App Do?

The Tap & Track app will allow you to keep a track on your calorie by calculating your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) and finding the daily calorie needs of your body based on your gender, age, weight and height. The app also considers the type of the job you are into and applies the very well-known Harris Benedict Equation while doing the calculations. The application features can be divided into 4 parts; Food, Exercise, Graphs and Report. You will find the app very easy and pleasant to use. You can find the food list, the exercises, the graphs and of course the final report by simply tapping the iPhone screen with your fingers.

Food calorie tracker, daily weight tracker, burned calorie tracker, diet plan organizer, daily BMI calculator, setting goal weight, viewing and editing of calorie and exercise logs, SI and US unit support and viewing of nutrition data (protein, calorie, fat, carbohydrate and Glycemic index) are the amazingly useful features that you can enjoy on the Tap & Track application.

Goals for this week: Get into the groove with new food log, no stressing about work, attend spin this week.

weight for today: 204.2 (WTF... mmmm must be my period!)

The Burger Won

I haven't been a stress eater since I have been banded. I have avoided the Jack In The Box runs for a cheese burger and fries. Damn, I used to eat a lot of that. It was my default - my way to escape.

Well yesterday I fell right back into it. I have been really stressed with work. I have been behind and just barely treading water. I haven't been this behind since I have been at this job, I didn't know how to handle it... except for a Wendy's burger stop on the way to the gym after work! Talk about being completely out of my mind...
1. For wanting a burger
2. For getting it on the way to the gym
3. For talking myself into it being okay as long as I just got a burger instead of adding fries!

WHAT THE HELL! I felt in this zone and totally wanting to devour the whole thing in seconds. Just to rid myself of it quickly - knowing it was so wrong! I started to eat the damn thing and I just couldn't even swallow... I was so tight! I chewed and chewed just so I could get it down to feel that satisfaction and power. But I just couldn't. I didn't even eat half of it.

Talk about Karma! My band was pissed that I was even trying to do this to myself! The tightness hurt so much. I have never felt that before.

So I wrapped up the remaining burger and put it back into the bag. I ended up eating a few bites after the gym when I got home.

Argh, so discussed with myself.(shake of head in shame)

The burger won this battle!

Kinda 199?

Today I stepped on the scale and it said 199! WOW to my disbelief I went to go grab my iphone to take a photo of this amazing number! But yet when I went back to re-weight myself it didn't give me that lovely number. It went back to 200. How can that be that I gained 1 pound in 10 seconds!?! So I proceeded to weigh myself another 5 times until I left the house this morning for work. It still gave me 200. Argh!

(Can my iphone weight 1 pound?)

And I thought I did pretty well this week with what I ate. I totally cut back on quantity and carbs. I guess this is a sign I need to try harder. Too keep on Truckin'.

Thanks Tina and Colls for the honest words last week!

Goals for this week: Think One, One, Onederland!

Weight for today: 200