SSDD

Thank goodness I made it thru Christmas without going too crazy with the food consumption! I didn't really stick to too many healthy foods but I managed to come out from this weekend weighing what I did going in. (That was close - Remind me to never do that again!) No more sweet treats, fried, buttered up items for me. I have sinned and now I am movin' on!

This coming year will be a year of fitness. With my new Wii Fit and my boyfriend's new gym membership... I think I will definitely increase my working out. We went for the first time together this weekend. We each did our own thing. But seeing him do weights and be so meticulous and routine with what he was doing... made me realize that I could really learn from him. Cheers to a healthy 2010.

I feel like I am wearing the same three pairs of pants over and over. Oh wait, I am. They are the only pants I have that fit me right now. So I think I might need to invest in some work slacks to mix it up some. My other clothes are just overall fitting better. The tops are getting a bit baggier. And I finally broke down and purchased two new bras. I went down two cup sizes. So with the right bra I feel slimmer and better about myself. It is amazing when you have the right fitting bra how differently you carry yourself and look. I have had a large chest since I was in 7th grade. I never realized until I was 29 that I was wearing the wrong sizes my whole life. I was properly fitted in a specialty store since I couldn't find a bra in the typical bra section. The wrong size bra was making me look so much bigger than I was. Even though I am in a larger bra size than I thought I was... since it fits right my chest looks smaller. It is amazing how that works. Go get fitted ladies!

Goals for this week: Get back on track with my eating

Weight for today: 210 (still here)

"Your hair looks great"

We have friends and family come every year to my family's hosted party and everyone kept giving me complements about how nice my hair looked. Not the fact I have lost a bunch of weight but out of all things... my hair? Seriously, like 20 complements on my hair! My hair did look nice that night but don't they look down? Is that what people say when they don't want to offend you?

This week following my second fill I have no more restriction than I did before my fill. I am kinda disappointed that it didn't make any difference. Granted it was only 1cc added so now I am at 5cc. I hate to say I rely on it, but I do. It reminds me something is inside of me, reminds me my little helper is there rooting for me. When I don't feel any restriction I feel like I could force myself to eat more even when I shouldn't. (that is so bad, but true!) I have to slow down and chew more. It seems like such a little step but I really have to be conscientious of it. I am trying to eat better proteins after stocking up on some chicken, ahi tuna, salmon, edamame, hummus and a few others. Not down any more on the scale and just trying to make it thru Christmas without overeating or indulging in to many cookies. Day by day is all I can say!

Goals for this week: To not make excuses for not going to the gym. We all do it! I have days off this week and a long weekend so I have to take advantage of it.

Weight for today: 210

... it is just another road to take

Ever feel when you explain weight loss and your struggles to those who have never had a weight problem... that they just don't get it?

I am not sure if my weight loss is enough for some. Like it should be more. Granted I do feel a little greedy some days wishing it was more myself. But if it comes off to quick I don't want a jiggly ass or else where. That isn't healthy. And getting to 150 won't happen over night. I would of thought the person who would be the hardest on me would be myself. Today, I don't think this is true. Granted, I do get a lot of support from those I do tell... but come on people... see how far I have come! I don't have high blood pressure, no more migraines, I have got my period back and have been regular thus far, I religiously take my vitamins, I am down two sizes, and most of all very happy with my progress. I never thought I could be here even so soon.

I guess I need to be careful with my words when I explain things to those who are thin their whole lives. I have to teach and give more insight to my struggles cause Weight loss surgery isn't an easy way out... it is just another road to take.

Second Fill

I just got back from the clinic for my second fill. Let's just say he took extra precaution in numbing me since the last fill was so painful and not successful until an x-ray. Thank goodness it was more numb this time because he was really pushing into my side with a lot of pressure. The port seems to move around as he added pressed down with his hand. The nurse kept me distracted my asking me questions about life and work. It really helped. Every so often I would feel a prick but I just took a deep breath and all was okay. I knew I had to have a positive mind set this time. Plus he kept calling me "kiddo". Just as he was saying he might have me go to Radiology, he hit the port just right. He was so relieved. He only put in 1cc this time. I don't know if I was hoping for more or not I was just relieved he actually hit my port.

I learned I am eating too much cheese and I need to eat more proteins. It is okay for cottage cheese but anything else I need to cut back on. I really need to re-evaluate my eating so I can form better habits. Plus my activity needs to increase. I just can't go to the gym 2x's a week - I need to make more of an effort. Going into the clinic is a big reality check and I need to step back and realistically try harder.

Month Two

First, the outfit I wore to the holiday party was a hit. Even though it was my boyfriend's holiday party - It was kinda like my own as well since I used to work there too. So I had not seen some people for awhile. It was great to see everyone, but even more of a reward that I received so many complements. "stunning" "sparkly" "gorgeous" "amazing"... words that I never thought anyone would describe me as. It felt so good. A big boost!

A big success at two months, being down two sizes and down 20 pounds. I never thought I would of been here only two months after. It was a big goal of mine to be down 20 before Christmas... and here I am two weeks before. Wow! What a great accomplishment.

I have my second follow-up appointment this week. I hope to get a fill. Not looking forward to the actual poke, but the feeling afterward. I haven't felt much restriction the past two weeks. I feel as if I have ate a lot more food. I need to remind myself to eat slower and chew more. I have been braver with the things I have eaten. But trying not to fall back into foods that are not nutritious or filling. It isn't an easy route. But just knowing I am 10 pounds away from the 100 digits is VERY encouraging. I just need to remind myself that when I am feeling greedy about the weight loss and wishing it was more.

I need to go to the gym more often than I do. I have been disciplining myself and pushing myself to run harder and longer on the treadmill. Mind you, I am not a runner at all. I feel the machine shake when I run too. But with headphones on - who cares! I jog most of the time, or I push myself to run at each 1/4 mile marker. I think if I keep this up, I will be able to run the whole mile. I have a close friend who has been a big motivator in my active goals. She is a great friend over the years and a huge supporter with my journey. She has her own weight loss goals but I have looked up to her since she has been very strict on her running. She has went to not being able to run a mile, to running a half marathon. I am so proud of her. Maybe one day I can run along side of her. You know who you are and I thank you, girl!

Goals for this week: Gym! Gym! Gym!

Weight for today: 210 (adios 20 pounds!)

Follow up to my horror of dress shopping....

My frown is now upside down :-)

I found something to wear to the holiday party! Hooray! I opted for a skirt instead of a dress. I liked what the manichean at the store was wearing so started off copying it - then turned it into my own. I am glad I found this skirt. It fit perfectly. It even has little glittery goodness sown into it so it makes it more cocktail party appropriate. I also purchased a shinny purple thin scarf, purple clutch and so little crystal earrings. I have a pair of black flats... to pull off the "after hours librarian look". hahaha (and yes, I am a dork who took a photo of myself in the dressing room)

Thanks for the positive posts! It made me feel warm and fuzzy.

Testing Patience

I know, I know... The gastric band is meant for us to loose weight slower but I am sure feeling greedy. I wish each week when I weigh myself that it is going to be more than 2 pounds. But this week I have no weight loss so Miss Little Lulu, my gastric band, showed me who was boss. (We are still in the getting to know you phase)

Also testing my patience this week was shopping for a holiday dress. I bought one before my surgery and now it doesn't fit and looks old lady-ish. I am not a big shopper but now I need to find a dress to wear. I like to go in and get what I need and then onto the next store. I dislike malls for a many of reasons. But I think I don't like them because there is never stores that I can fit into their clothes. I attempted to look in stores I wouldn't normally.. feeling all good about myself. I started out with my normal Ross and Marshalls trips... but didn't find anything. We went to the mall since I know I can fit into a size 16. Some stores carry that size so I figured what the hell. Me, again getting greedy and ahead of myself, I got really disappointed b/c I couldn't fit into anything I tried on. All of the joy of being able to wear 2 sizes smaller.... all went to hell and shopping in hip stores made me feel like a totally fatty.

Goal for this week: Turn my frown upside down.

Weight for today: 211