Working Back To Me

Happy people are people that work out! That is totally true. I am back at the gym and it feels great. I feel less stressed and when I am in the gym... it is all about that moment. No bullshit about my personal life or work. It is a place to escape. I am working my way back into getting into that work out mode and making sure I push myself to get back to where I was. I have to work around my injury and not over strain myself. Easy to say. Hard to do. I know that having a month off was not good. I am not starting over with my endurance but I can definitely feel a difference. I know being injured play a huge roll in that but not being active for a whole month... I enjoyed it but I missed my gym time.

I took my second yoga class at my gym. It was many moons ago I took the class. Last time It kicked my ass and wasn't relaxing at all. I think it was because of the instructor was just about the moves and not the stretching and breathing. The class this time was taught by some one my own age and actually took the time to stretch into the positions. The hour went by very quick but I am sure not as limber as I once was. The perfect person to me that I want to be in life is a limber one. I want to be one of those women who can touch their toes and stretch in a downward dog. Me, today, not that person. I am stiff as a stick. I am more focused on trying to follow along than doing the pose right. I really need to practice and work at my flexibility.

I have my first acupuncture session this week! Scared but excited to see if it can help me bring down my blood pressure. I will post if something interesting happens. With trying to chill the F out... I am also trying to learn more about meditation. I don't have a prayer spot just yet. But just reading up on the how-to-do-it. Does anyone else do meditation? I have a few free books on my Kindle that I have started to read. I've got my ambient music ready to go. I just get so tense and internally stressed that I get frustrated, irritated, snippy or build it up to the point I cry. This isn't good. It isn't me. I don't want to be a worry-wart or someone ready to snap. The interesting thing about my journey is that I have feelings now. Before I guess I just played along and masked them with food. Now, I get stressed and worry a lot. I worry about things that aren't even in my own control. I really hope meditation will get me focused and back to my easy going self.

Taking This Serious

The last week has been a huge realization that I need to really be motivated and be healthy. I thought that being banded would be the key to my success. It has, but to a point. You do still need to work at loosing and constantly reminding yourself of the dream you have. It has been very difficult to be 100% aware of every bite and calorie. In or out. I thought I would feel this sense of freedom from forever being hungry or food dependent. But in all honesty... It still is a battle. I have stopped watching the Food Network and collecting recipes that aren't something I would make. I am trying to switch my brain and learn a new me.

I feel as if I am in this grey area and I feel sometimes stuck.. just waiting for my brain to kick in. I know what I need to do and a dream of this person who I want to be. I am frustrated I am not there yet. I am coming up on my 2 year band date and in the last year I haven't lost any weight. Hoe fucking annoying is that!?! I can't blame anyone or any one thing except for myself. It is hard to not see a difference in the scale when you work out, log foods, suffer and constantly aware of things you "can't eat". It is very tiring.

I guess what has triggered this little grey cloud over my head, is that I went to the doctor for my leg injury and the Dr was more concerned with my blood pressure. I have been fighting going back on medication for over a year. Going back on it is a huge slap to my pride. Being on meds means I am not healthy... Aka What I have not been striving for. It pisses me off. It is genetic.

The pisser is that when I finally agree to taking it, the doctor prescribed me a medicine that causes birth defects. What the fuck! Why would I put that into my body. I hope that there is a different medicine that I could take that doesn't have such a side effect. Definitely read the pharmacy descriptions before taking any medications. Is medicine my only choice for the rest of my life? I really hope that it isn't. I have heard of meditation, herbal supplements and acupuncture could help for a natural cure. I researched it and found a few books. I even have visited and herbalist/acupuncturist this past week for a consultation. I think I am going to try this road for 6 weeks or so, see how it goes, then go from there. Taking prescription drugs just isn't for my any more. Maybe the natural way will work.

So where does this leave me... back into the grey zone of trying to be healthy and to not think about the scale. If I think about the scale and weighing myself too much... I get disappointed. This is not my goal, the goal is to be healthy. Not just try to weight 150lbs. I have been pretty good about not eating carbs. Granted I have ate a few but I am making a larger effort to make sure I follow it.

My bf is very hard on me when I tell him I won't eat carbs, and then he sees me eat something that is bread or rice. He doesn't believe that I can constantly stay focused. He doubts my will power. This really hurts my feelings and makes me feel sad. I tell him I eat better when I am not around him. Which is true. But since he doesn't see me... he doesn't believe me. Ouch! There is always a lot of temptation when I stay at his house or when we go out. He has never had a weight problem and can eat whatever he wants. I wish he had a day in my mind/body so he would understand how it feels to deal with this burden. I think he would understand better, relate, and help me succeed versus scolding me. I don't respond well to that negativity. It makes me want to eat whatever he doesn't want me to eat. How fucked up is that? It is the one thing he is very hard on me about. He wants me to be healthy for us, for our future, for our kids. It is all understandable. I want to be right on the same page with him about that, but battling with the evil me inside... very, very difficult. Still a work in progress and trying to get there.

Man Up.

I have kept up with my no carb rule until Saturday and Sunday. I did really well by not letting it get me down and make me feel like I have failed my whole no carb rule. I ate a small amount.

Saturday was meant to be a 'free' day since I wanted to make a breakfast that had potatoes in it for my bf. So I ate a small amount of potatoes and then late night we had chocolate covered strawberries. Not too bad right? But my 'free' day turned into two days. Sunday I also ate some carb items too. I had a cinnamon roll and then later for dinner I ate part of a bread roll that came as side.  I should of asked for the fruit side but it is sometime just automatic to go for the 'bad' choice. I have to make more aware choices to rule out all of the little things since in the long run it can add up. Still learning. I think I did really well for being out of town for the weekend and not going crazy and letting one bad choice ruin the remaining day.

I made our meals very healthy this past weekend. Granted my bf eats white rice with every meal. It used to temp me all of the time since we ate a lot of the same things. But being the cook - you are in charge. Now, If he wants rice, he has to make it. That is the new rule. So when we travel we bring a mini rice cooker so he can make his rice. I used to have to make it on the stove-top since he didn't know how. But I have out smarted him and bought him the mini travel rice cooker. It is really mini. It only makes like 2 cups of cooked rice each time. It works perfectly for one person and I wont feel obligated to eat the rice to not waste it. It is a win-win situation!

This week will be a good one. ..I am going back to the gym! I have to! I feel so lazy that I haven't worked out because of my bum leg. I can still work out but maybe just not as hard with cardio or my leg workout. I need to work around it. I miss the gym and I feel overall so much better. I know it will be hard at first... but with my new work out shirt motivating me... I will be just fine!

Tomorrow I go back onto my 3 day cleanse. Protein shakes and fruit/veggies. Then to continue the no carb plan for the remaining of the month. My birthday is at the end of the month and I would love to be back at the gym full time and into my perfect routine. I am going to stay focused and positive. Again, I am going to stay focused and positive!


Goal for the week: Gym time!

Weight for today: 199.0

5 Simple Goals

1.  Try not to think of eating right part of a 'diet' and think long term. 
I tend to binge eat or feel guilty when I eat something I know I shouldn't.

2. If we make a 'mistake' don't let it ruin your meals for the rest of the day.
Make note of it and don't repeat.

3. If you have a craving... eat it!
Yeah, you heard me! Eat only a small amount of it though. If you can't control how much, since you get into that zone. Write it down in your food log and how you felt. Usually it is more of a mental reason than really a true craving. I eat when I am frustrated or sad. I know I do this and if I see this in my food log I move on instead of dwell and punish myself. If my mind is negative I will fail.

4. Public Food Log.
I have a chart that I write my food and workouts on. I have it taped to my closet so I see it when I get ready in the morning. This version is my simple log so I stay on track. I still log my foods online thru the BodyMedia website. You can make your own chart in Excel. Mine is a bit more fancy being a Graphic Designer... But as long as you have the basics You are good to go! Add a few positive quotes, photos of yourself or a countdown.

5. Talk to yourself!
As silly as this is, I tell myself to have a positive day and 'think' when I eat first thing in the morning. Even Jillian Michaels talks to herself - We all do. It is proven that staying in a positive mindset - positive things will happen. There was a book written about it called "The Secret". Read it.

Being Aware

I am actually doing it!

Last week I did a 3 day cleanse to get me started on back to eating better. It really helps make me start fresh and get into that mind set. Since then I have been really good about no carbs. Granted a slice a bread was consumed... and two chocolates. But I don't feel bad about eating them. I know that it wasn't the best but I was aware it was not the right choice and then I moved on. I am not going to punish myself. Especially since the scale wasn't effected. I am thinking long term.

I am mainly sticking to a few main meals so I don't have to think to much about what to plan out. Here is a list of my basic meals.

Breakfast:
Shakeology protein shake with So Delicious Coconut Milk
(I make different shakes by adding fruit or coffee)

Lunch:
1 cup of cucumbers and 1 cup of strawberries
Greek yogurt
carrots with hummus

Dinner:
Turkey meatballs (two of course) with marinara sauce
Fajita style chicken with bell peppers & onions + 1/2 cup Pinto beans

Snacks:
Banana
Celery with a Skinny Cow wedge
Mixed nuts
Apple with Peanut Butter

The simple menu is really helpful. I feel as if only buying and having a small amount of selections keeps me focused. When I grocery shop I only carry the basket instead of pushing a cart around. I feel things 'slip' into the cart that aren't on my list. I also tell myself that I can't buy more than 1 re-usable bag full of items. It also makes the grocery bill cheaper and I don't waist any by buying to much. It sounds silly but it works for me to think like this.


I repeat my cleanse next week for another 3 days. Then another 2 weeks of no carbs. It is only until the end of August I am doing this. If I see a difference then I may will keep going. I am actually not really hungry between meals until the end of the night. That is when I feel the need to snack on things I shouldn't. I am being more aware of this and maybe eating a bit more protein for dinner will help me out.

Goal for this week: Keep it positive!

Weight for today: 198

I Have Life To Look Good For!

Since I can't work out, I might as well eat right! Today is the last day of my 3 day cleanse. It basically is a protein shake for breakfast and lunch, fruits & veggies as snacks, protein for dinner. It is going pretty good and it was easier than I thought it would be. I feel good.

While in Hawaii I weighed myself. I was 204 with clothes and tennis shoes on. Day 1 of cleanse I was 199.5. The last 2 days I have been 198.5. Not a bad start. Any bit counts.

I am going to eat right for 1 month and do 2 of my 3 day cleanse. Eating right means very little, if any carbs. No bread and no sweet things. (I recently had Coconut Gelato. It is awesome. I can't have it. Sad.)

I have 3 more months until I get to my 2 year band date! Time has flown by. If I don't loose any weight from today until then... that would mean I haven't lost any weight in 1 year. The lowest I have been down is to 196. I think know I can get past that.

Just going to stay positive until my leg heals, eat the smartest I can, no binge eating of carbs, and lots of water. Then once I am back going to the gym it will be 100% in the works. Feeling like I want to do 1 more day of cardio. That would put me at 3 gym days and 1 outdoor day.

48 POUNDS TO LOOSE
80 DAYS UNTIL 2 YR MARK
-4 POUNDS PER WEEK (Wow!?! That's one might BIG Goal!)

I have LIFE I need to look/feel good for!

Intuitive Eating - Book Share

What is Intuitive Eating?


http://www.intuitiveeating.org/


Intuitive eating is an approach that teaches you how to create a healthy relationship with your food, mind, and body--where you ultimately become the expert of your own body.   You learn how to distinguish between physical and emotional feelings, and gain a sense of body wisdom.   It's also a process of making peace with food---so that you no longer have constant "food worry" thoughts.  It's knowing that your health and your worth as a person do not change, because you ate a food that you had labeled as "bad" or "fattening”.  



The underlying premise of Intuitive Eating is that you will learn to respond to your inner body cues, because you were born with all the wisdom you need for eating intuitively. On the surface, this may sound simplistic, but it is rather complex.  This inner wisdom is often clouded by years of dieting and food myths that abound in the culture.  For example, “Eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full” may sound like basic common sense, but when you have a history of chronic dieting or of following rigid “healthy” rules about eating, it can be quite difficult. To be able to ultimately return to your inborn Intuitive Eater, a number of things need to be in place—most importantly, the ability to trust yourself!  Here is a summary of the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating, from our book, Intuitive Eating, 2nd ed, 2003. With these principles, comes a world of satisfying eating and a sense of freedom that can be exhilarating!

Intuitive Eating Principles

1. Reject the Diet Mentality. Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.
2. Honor Your Hunger. Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.
3. Make Peace with Food. Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.
4. Challenge the Food Police. Scream a loud "NO" to thoughts in your head that declare you're "good" for eating under 1000 calories or "bad" because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.
5. Respect Your Fullness. Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you're comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor. The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence--the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you've had "enough".
7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food. Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won't fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won't solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You'll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.
8. Respect Your Body. Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It's hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.
9. Exercise--Feel the Difference. Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.
10. Honor Your Health--Gentle Nutrition. Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It's what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.

Biggest Looser Resort at Fitness Ridge

Taking the initiative to loose weight is a huge step but when you do it in front of others... now, that takes some balls. 


I am so proud of a friend of mine that is taking this new step in her life. I adore her! She is awesome! One of the happiest and fun going people I know. (You shall remain nameless, don't worry). I have always admired her and even looked up to her. A very successful person who always stayed strong thru the years. A dear friend in deed! 


Now, her and I have always had one thing in common.. Our weight and body issues. She has been given a great opportunity to take control of her life, her mind, her body by going to the Biggest Looser Resort. 


http://www.biggestloserresort.com/


Let's give this gal some props! 


At first I was kinda skeptical and in some small way I thought she was crazy for doing this. But the more I learn about this place, the more awesome it sounds.  I thought she was just too small to participate in this. She is smaller than I am. I would kill to be her size! From the brief contact I have had with her while she is 1 week into the 4 weeks... She tells me that majority are women and are 'normal' sizes. So what this means is that EVEN SKINNY PEOPLE HAVE ISSUES just as us full figured women. 


Just read and see...

Life Changing
Experience a program that gives you the education and tools to change your lifestyle habits and change your life. Learn about your own body - your metabolism, calorie needs, stamina and just how much you are truly capable of. Then, take these tools and apply them to your life when you return home. You will discover your own strength as you push past your own limits and consistently exceed your own expectations. Take the first step toward changing the direction of your life. Experience the program for yourself.

Award Winning
Voted 2nd place in the prestigious 2010 Spas of America Top 50 Spas, as well as the Highest Ranking Destination Spa and the Most Popular Utah Spa! Voted as one of the top ten spas in the prestigious 2009 SpaFinder Readers’ Choice Award competition in Best for Affordability, Best Fitness Program, Best for Hiking, and Best for Weight-Loss.

Results Oriented
Achieve the results of a healthy lifestyle with our comprehensive program of fitness activity, calorie-controlled spa cuisine, and education series. There is something for everyone with over 20 different indoor and outdoor group classes. All meals are prepared by a trained executive chef with emphasis on creativity and flavor. Guests have access to on-site licensed professionals including a registered dietitian and licensed counselor, who teach how to approach meal planning and recognize habits such as emotional and intuitive eating. You will have the tools to take home and incorporate into your new, balanced, healthy way of life.

Relax too!
The Resort employs over a dozen salon professionals who are committed to helping you relax following your intense fitness schedule. Unwind with a body massage or acupuncture treatment, pamper yourself with a facial, or enjoy a visit to our full-service salon.

Download the brochure here... http://www.biggestloserresort.com/sites/www.biggestloserresort.com/files/pages/tblFitnessRidgeBrochureFinalS.pdf

1 YEAR 9 MONTHS

Where is time going and why am I not loosing weight!?! Oh, that's right because I haven't been trying. The date has come and gone and I was just too busy to even notice. In fact, life has been kinda crazy and I haven't wrote on my weekly blog for like 3 weeks! Sorry folks.

As of 1 year and 9 months this is me....

I spent it in Maui for 8 days! It was fantastic. I wish I was there. I ate whatever I wanted there too. I don't think I gained too much either. We stayed pretty active and had long days. Something about Hawaii time that just goes slow and easy. We kayaked, snorkeled with sea turtles and white tipped sharks, rode bikes down a crazy hillside of a volcano!, watched the sunrise from a crater rim, zip lined, found our own personal beaches and just did some major R&R!

The one thing I do love about myself now is that I have more confidence. There would of been no way prior to banding that I would of done all of those active things on vacation. Now, I want to do all of it.

The last day we were there we went zip lining and I ended up getting hurt. I thought I broke my leg. Visited the Maui Memorial as well. It was a bad way to end a trip. One day it will be funny but today not so funny. Been on crutches all week since we got back. And the one thing I am upset about it that I can't work out. I was so into setting myself a goal of getting back into eating right and pushing myself harder at the gym and adding one day to my workout.... but I can't do it since I can't walk and workout. Lame! I hope this week will be a full recovery so I can get back into it.

It is 80-ish days till my 2 year anniversary.... and I HAVE TO LOOSE SOME POUNDS BY THEN! Who's with me?

Thank you to my 70 followers... WOW! Thanks for all of your support.