Only I Will Remain

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. 
- Bene Gesserit "Litany Again Fear", From Frank Herbert's Dune


This quote really got me thinking about my journey to success and where I am on it's path. The previous me wass happy on the outside, but very unhappy on the inside. I put on a face that wasn't me. I felt lost and incomplete. I thought I was in control of my life. I thought I was in control of my eating. How can eating really be all that I was. I was fearful to be any different, I didn't know I could be a better version of myself. I became ashamed and sad. I thought that was all to life and who I would be.

Today, the present me... I am happy inside and outside. I have began to re-love myself and my body. I am healthy and I feel strong. My inner self has changed, I am more willing to do things outside of my box, be daring and courageous. Words I would of never put in one sentence to describe myself. I find myself the first one to dance and not feel that people will judge. I find myself smiling all the time and sometimes for no reason. I want to get out of bed early and do something. Since I am improving my own self, my relationships have also changed. I thought I would of lost a few friends thru being banded since I don't eat out or drink a lot like I use to... But those who were there before are even more present in my life today. My relationship with my boyfriend has grown to. I feel a connection to him and who we will become as a couple in years to come. He has been a strong supporter in my progress and healthy lifestyle. I know at times he doesn't understand why I did gastric banding, But he does see who I have become. This connection to him and others have helped me be strong and to rid myself of fear. I know that no matter what, these people love and care for me, no matter who I was, am and will become. I am forever grateful that they share in this joy.

When I am struggling to get thru my day, hunger or issue I face I really need to face that fear... let it pass over me or through me... because at the end of that day... it is me who has to make it count.

Goal for this week: No Carbs!

Weight for today: 198 (back up again - sad)