I feel bigger than what I look like.
WHAT!
When I see myself in the mirror I see no change most days - I see the fat version of myself. Yep, I am really saying that. But then I look at photos of myself and I don't really look as big as what I think I am. It is so crazy how my own perception of myself is totally off. I am not sure why our mind tricks us.... how it makes us doubt ourselves, how that little devil kickin' it on our shoulder takes over, but most of all why are we so hard on ourselves.
I am enjoying my new body. I am enjoying shopping way too much. I am enjoying complements looks and smiles. I am overall very happy with who I am today. I love my new hair cut.
BUT!
I am not happy with my progress when I compare my success to other bandsters. I keep going to Starbucks for a morning Chai, sometimes even getting a doughnut. I hate my super sweet tooth I now have. I see saggy boobs. I see a gut pooching out. I see a sag of skin under my chin that use to be my double chin. I see so many things that are negative that I wish I didn't have.
How do we change our own perception of ourselves?
How do you turn the negative switch to a positive?
Goal for this week: Think Positive - Think Progress - Think Thin!
Weight for today: 201
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Latest Fill
I went into my surgeon's office this afternoon thinking of so many things but mostly afraid that he would of not given me a fill and I would of left in shame since I haven't had any weight loss worth bragging about. The staff is always very supportive and understanding. I stepped on the scale and it was up 2 pounds since Monday. (bow of head)
The usual run down of what I have done good and bad since the last appointment, a month ago. But something that I said triggered a longer conversation... I had said that I am not feeling that immediate FULL feeling one gets when they are eating to make them stop (a.k.a. the whole point of gastric banding!) I said that most of the time when I eat a dinner versus a small lunch, I don't feel full until a half an hour later. Even with dense foods. I feel I am over eating.
I also mentioned that I keep reading blogs and articles about greater weight loss in others who were banded around the same time as myself... and it irritates me because I should be weighing less as well. The whole 2 pounds per week... not per 2 months. It has been very frustrating for me.
So with that said I got a fill of 1.6ccs so I think that will be a tad above 9cc total. And a reminder to:
- take my vitamins
- drink water
- eat dense foods
- eat proteins first
- eat slow
- no drinking while eating
"Yah Hear dat" - Chelsea Handler
The usual run down of what I have done good and bad since the last appointment, a month ago. But something that I said triggered a longer conversation... I had said that I am not feeling that immediate FULL feeling one gets when they are eating to make them stop (a.k.a. the whole point of gastric banding!) I said that most of the time when I eat a dinner versus a small lunch, I don't feel full until a half an hour later. Even with dense foods. I feel I am over eating.
I also mentioned that I keep reading blogs and articles about greater weight loss in others who were banded around the same time as myself... and it irritates me because I should be weighing less as well. The whole 2 pounds per week... not per 2 months. It has been very frustrating for me.
So with that said I got a fill of 1.6ccs so I think that will be a tad above 9cc total. And a reminder to:
- take my vitamins
- drink water
- eat dense foods
- eat proteins first
- eat slow
- no drinking while eating
"Yah Hear dat" - Chelsea Handler
Monday, July 19, 2010
Only on Weekends...
I think my boyfriend is a bad influence.... okay, I said it..... (I love you honey!)
Granted we should all take responsibility for ourselves but do you feel that there is that one person who supports you 100% but believes that they are not a bad influence upon you? A 'you change, but not me' mentality? I feel this with my boyfriend lately. (He would hate me blogging about this too)
He is the best, a total sweet heart. He is always putting others before himself and works hard for things he has... He loves me and wants me to succeed with my weight loss too. BUT he doesn't understand how it feels to have to worry about weight. It is hard to describe my thought process to someone thin.
First of all he is a guy, but secondly he has the perfect Asian metabolism that we are all jealous of. Fit and tone no matter what he does in his life. This guy could eat pure carbs all day and not gain a pound. (Argh) He is also the person that doesn't think about food and doesn't understand how I think of food thru the day. His mind is occupied by work or life, that he doesn't think of food - he eats when he is hungry. Not just because its dinner time. I am a foodie - He is not.
I really struggle sometimes with his thought process because he feels that he is supportive but tells me that I shouldn't eat certain things... then wants to go out to eat junk food since he wants to eat it or we don't have food to make for ourselves. He says "Eat well on the week days, then on the weekends we with me."
Our situation is unique because we don't live together. I spend every weekend at his house, but his family lives with him too. (A Typical Asian household) He doesn't grocery shop for himself so he eats what is made for him, Unless he eats out. I would have to bring it over if I wanted to eat or make it. I bring my protein shakes, fruit and sometimes other snacks. But I am feeling the need that if I do want to eat better on the weekends then I have to be the one to supply the groceries. Isn't this odd to bring over my own groceries every weekend? I don't want to offend his family by doing this either. I feel that is is a no win situation since I wouldn't want to share my food with them, i would be bringing it for him and I only, then would take the left overs with me. Odd - don't you think?
I really have to eat well every day, I just wish that he would understand a bit what it feels like to struggle. He supports me but wants me to eat unhealthy with him. It is a total contradiction. I wish he would see this. I don't want to nag but not sure how to go about changing his mind set.... or offend his family.
I am confused.
Granted we should all take responsibility for ourselves but do you feel that there is that one person who supports you 100% but believes that they are not a bad influence upon you? A 'you change, but not me' mentality? I feel this with my boyfriend lately. (He would hate me blogging about this too)
He is the best, a total sweet heart. He is always putting others before himself and works hard for things he has... He loves me and wants me to succeed with my weight loss too. BUT he doesn't understand how it feels to have to worry about weight. It is hard to describe my thought process to someone thin.
First of all he is a guy, but secondly he has the perfect Asian metabolism that we are all jealous of. Fit and tone no matter what he does in his life. This guy could eat pure carbs all day and not gain a pound. (Argh) He is also the person that doesn't think about food and doesn't understand how I think of food thru the day. His mind is occupied by work or life, that he doesn't think of food - he eats when he is hungry. Not just because its dinner time. I am a foodie - He is not.
I really struggle sometimes with his thought process because he feels that he is supportive but tells me that I shouldn't eat certain things... then wants to go out to eat junk food since he wants to eat it or we don't have food to make for ourselves. He says "Eat well on the week days, then on the weekends we with me."
Our situation is unique because we don't live together. I spend every weekend at his house, but his family lives with him too. (A Typical Asian household) He doesn't grocery shop for himself so he eats what is made for him, Unless he eats out. I would have to bring it over if I wanted to eat or make it. I bring my protein shakes, fruit and sometimes other snacks. But I am feeling the need that if I do want to eat better on the weekends then I have to be the one to supply the groceries. Isn't this odd to bring over my own groceries every weekend? I don't want to offend his family by doing this either. I feel that is is a no win situation since I wouldn't want to share my food with them, i would be bringing it for him and I only, then would take the left overs with me. Odd - don't you think?
I really have to eat well every day, I just wish that he would understand a bit what it feels like to struggle. He supports me but wants me to eat unhealthy with him. It is a total contradiction. I wish he would see this. I don't want to nag but not sure how to go about changing his mind set.... or offend his family.
I am confused.
Eight Astonishing Benefits of Walking
(Came across this on MSN.com)
Enjoy a better sex life, save money on medication, protect your brain and more—for free.
1. It deflects diabetes
New research links brisk walking to a significant risk reduction for developing type 2 diabetes. Insulin resistance is a predictor of this disease, even in people with normal glucose levels. But a recent British study found that people with a family history of the disease who walked briskly, or performed some other type of moderate to vigorous activity on a routine basis, improved insulin sensitivity.
2.It soups up your sex life
Sex and exercise go hand-in-hand. In a study of women between 45 and 55 years old, those who exercised, including brisk walking, reported not only greater sexual desire, but better sexual satisfaction, too.
3. It saves on gym costs
In this icky economy, people are cutting excesses, and that includes trips to the health club. In an American Heart Association survey, a quarter of the 1,000 people questioned had axed their gym memberships sometime in the previous six months. But no matter where you live, there’s a place you can pound the pavement or trek a trail, and 150 minutes of moderate-intensity walking a week can help manage stress and prevent heart disease. Moderate walking equals an average of about 100 steps per minute. San Diego State University researchers suggest using a pedometer and aiming for 1,000 steps in 10 minutes, and working up to 3,000 steps in 30 minutes.
4. It can get you off meds
Using data from the National Walkers’ Health Study, including more than 32,000 women and 8,000 men, researchers found that those who took the longest weekly walks, not necessarily accumulated the most mileage per week, were more likely to use less medication. This shouldn’t deter you from taking shorter walks more frequently throughout the week, but you should consider squeezing in a longer walk once a week, perhaps on the weekend when you have more spare time.
5. It can help relieve fibromyalgia pain
This chronic condition affects more than 4 percent of the population, and often involves pain, fatigue, and brain fog. A small study found that in women 32 to 70 years old, those who walked 60 minutes, performed light exercises, and stretched three times a week for 18 weeks reported significant improvements in walking and mental capacity, and were less tired and depressed.
6. It helps you beat breast cancer
It helps you beat breast cancer. Women who walk regularly after being diagnosed with breast cancer have a 45 percent greater chance of survival than those who are inactive, according to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology. Yale researchers heading up the study also found that those who exercised in the year before being diagnosed were 30 percent more likely to survive, compared to women who didn’t exercise leading up to their diagnosis.
7. Strolling reduces stroke risk
Walking briskly for just 30 minutes, five days a week can significantly lower your risk of suffering a stroke, according to University of South Carolina researchers. After studying 46,000 men and 15,000 women over the course of 18 years, those with increased fitness levels associated with regular brisk walking had a 40 percent lower risk of suffering a stoke than those with the lowest fitness level.
8. It can save your mind
It can save your mind. Italian researchers enlisted 749 people suffering from memory problems in a study and measured their walking and other moderate activities, such as yard work. At the four-year follow-up, they found that those who expended the most energy walking had a 27 percent lower risk of developing dementia than the people who expended the least. This could be the result of physical activity’s role in increasing blood flow to the brain.
Enjoy a better sex life, save money on medication, protect your brain and more—for free.
1. It deflects diabetes
New research links brisk walking to a significant risk reduction for developing type 2 diabetes. Insulin resistance is a predictor of this disease, even in people with normal glucose levels. But a recent British study found that people with a family history of the disease who walked briskly, or performed some other type of moderate to vigorous activity on a routine basis, improved insulin sensitivity.
2.It soups up your sex life
Sex and exercise go hand-in-hand. In a study of women between 45 and 55 years old, those who exercised, including brisk walking, reported not only greater sexual desire, but better sexual satisfaction, too.
3. It saves on gym costs
In this icky economy, people are cutting excesses, and that includes trips to the health club. In an American Heart Association survey, a quarter of the 1,000 people questioned had axed their gym memberships sometime in the previous six months. But no matter where you live, there’s a place you can pound the pavement or trek a trail, and 150 minutes of moderate-intensity walking a week can help manage stress and prevent heart disease. Moderate walking equals an average of about 100 steps per minute. San Diego State University researchers suggest using a pedometer and aiming for 1,000 steps in 10 minutes, and working up to 3,000 steps in 30 minutes.
4. It can get you off meds
Using data from the National Walkers’ Health Study, including more than 32,000 women and 8,000 men, researchers found that those who took the longest weekly walks, not necessarily accumulated the most mileage per week, were more likely to use less medication. This shouldn’t deter you from taking shorter walks more frequently throughout the week, but you should consider squeezing in a longer walk once a week, perhaps on the weekend when you have more spare time.
5. It can help relieve fibromyalgia pain
This chronic condition affects more than 4 percent of the population, and often involves pain, fatigue, and brain fog. A small study found that in women 32 to 70 years old, those who walked 60 minutes, performed light exercises, and stretched three times a week for 18 weeks reported significant improvements in walking and mental capacity, and were less tired and depressed.
6. It helps you beat breast cancer
It helps you beat breast cancer. Women who walk regularly after being diagnosed with breast cancer have a 45 percent greater chance of survival than those who are inactive, according to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology. Yale researchers heading up the study also found that those who exercised in the year before being diagnosed were 30 percent more likely to survive, compared to women who didn’t exercise leading up to their diagnosis.
7. Strolling reduces stroke risk
Walking briskly for just 30 minutes, five days a week can significantly lower your risk of suffering a stroke, according to University of South Carolina researchers. After studying 46,000 men and 15,000 women over the course of 18 years, those with increased fitness levels associated with regular brisk walking had a 40 percent lower risk of suffering a stoke than those with the lowest fitness level.
8. It can save your mind
It can save your mind. Italian researchers enlisted 749 people suffering from memory problems in a study and measured their walking and other moderate activities, such as yard work. At the four-year follow-up, they found that those who expended the most energy walking had a 27 percent lower risk of developing dementia than the people who expended the least. This could be the result of physical activity’s role in increasing blood flow to the brain.
9 Months
It has been 9 months since I have been banded! Crazy... only a few more months and it will be a year.
I have felt like I have struggled more than the average bandster since my weight really hasn't changed drastically in the past few months. I have been hovering over this 200 marks for way too long. I hate it. I read bloggers who have dropped triple what I have. I don't feel as if I have had the restriction as everyone else feels. I have no problem eating anything I want. I do get a full feeling but not as quickly as some have described how little they can eat. I am upset in a way... I wish it was a higher amount of weight I have lost. But in the grand scheme of things, I have to be happy I am where I am at.
I am down 30 pounds! That is great. There would of been no way I would of been able to loose that amount on my own. I am a size 14/16 from a 20/22. And my boobs have shrunk a great deal. I love my boobs being smaller now. I fit into clothes the correct way. I am very happy with myself and how far I have come. I am no longer the fattest person in the room, no longer do I have to only shop in the plus size section, I can get out of the car with ease, Arms can be reached completely around me when I am hugged! So many great things have come from this. I don't regret any of it.
I have a check up will my surgeon on Wednesday. And really looking forward to getting my hair cut and colored this week too... way over due!
I have not taken my comparison shots yet. I will get to it this week, but for now I leave you with some pictures of my outfits for a wedding I had to go to this past week. I finally fit back into this black pin up skirt I wore more than 3 years ago. Yes, I saved it hoping it would fit one day. It fit perfectly and was even a little loose when I zipped it up.
Goal for this week: Water! Water! Water!
Weight for today: 200
I have felt like I have struggled more than the average bandster since my weight really hasn't changed drastically in the past few months. I have been hovering over this 200 marks for way too long. I hate it. I read bloggers who have dropped triple what I have. I don't feel as if I have had the restriction as everyone else feels. I have no problem eating anything I want. I do get a full feeling but not as quickly as some have described how little they can eat. I am upset in a way... I wish it was a higher amount of weight I have lost. But in the grand scheme of things, I have to be happy I am where I am at.
I am down 30 pounds! That is great. There would of been no way I would of been able to loose that amount on my own. I am a size 14/16 from a 20/22. And my boobs have shrunk a great deal. I love my boobs being smaller now. I fit into clothes the correct way. I am very happy with myself and how far I have come. I am no longer the fattest person in the room, no longer do I have to only shop in the plus size section, I can get out of the car with ease, Arms can be reached completely around me when I am hugged! So many great things have come from this. I don't regret any of it.
I have a check up will my surgeon on Wednesday. And really looking forward to getting my hair cut and colored this week too... way over due!
I have not taken my comparison shots yet. I will get to it this week, but for now I leave you with some pictures of my outfits for a wedding I had to go to this past week. I finally fit back into this black pin up skirt I wore more than 3 years ago. Yes, I saved it hoping it would fit one day. It fit perfectly and was even a little loose when I zipped it up.
Goal for this week: Water! Water! Water!
Weight for today: 200
Monday, July 12, 2010
Scale Reads ERR
I stepped on the scale today right before leaving for work... fully dressed... the scale said 205... WTF.... How can that be?... then the damn thing read ERR... which is ERROR! Thank God! (Sigh)
I re-stepped up, it stated 201... Better but still with clothes on...mmmm....
So even though I am running my usual late, I stripped my clothes off just to see if the scale would give me a number starting with a ONE! Wondering if today would be the day! Should I bust out my camera for this one? (My surgeon's office usually takes off two pounds since you are wearing clothes... I weight in a bra and underwear when I do it myself.) So now I know that my clothes didn't weigh as much as I thought... it only went down 1 pound on my 3rd time weighing myself!
Which means I STILL weight 200.0 pounds... all of my hard work at the gym this past week only moved the scale a few ounces. Better luck next week!
Goal for this week: Water, Water, and mo' Water!
Weight for today: 200.0
I re-stepped up, it stated 201... Better but still with clothes on...mmmm....
So even though I am running my usual late, I stripped my clothes off just to see if the scale would give me a number starting with a ONE! Wondering if today would be the day! Should I bust out my camera for this one? (My surgeon's office usually takes off two pounds since you are wearing clothes... I weight in a bra and underwear when I do it myself.) So now I know that my clothes didn't weigh as much as I thought... it only went down 1 pound on my 3rd time weighing myself!
Which means I STILL weight 200.0 pounds... all of my hard work at the gym this past week only moved the scale a few ounces. Better luck next week!
Goal for this week: Water, Water, and mo' Water!
Weight for today: 200.0
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Work is Work
Being out of town last week went well as far as my eating. Plus it wasn't as a stressful trip as I thought it would be. Granted it was still for work - but overall went pretty smooth... which means I had time to eat and think about my choices. I stuck to some pretty decent and band friendly foods. I didn't go carb crazy. I know that I was able to eat more than I would if I didn't drink right before my meal. I guess I need to make more effort to drink thru the day so when I do slow down, I won't be so thirsty. Makes sense. Gotta do it.
I haven't been to the gym in one week. My first week of not going to the gym since January. It felt good to have a break but I know it will be even harder when I go work out tonight. I have to make up for lost time. Plus I have been working longer hours so I haven't made it to spin class in almost a month. I know when works slows down next week I will be able to get back on that bike.
It is amazing how work is suppose to only be a 9 - 5 job but it seems to consume my life right now. It has been my priority over a lot of things these past 2 weeks. I am the only employee here with my job title so it can be good but bad at times. Overall my job is pretty relaxed but times like this it just has to be first so I can be mellow the rest of the time. Its a give and take. Just like anything else in life right now. I gotta GIVE my band good food choices so it will TAKE my pounds away.
I did manage to do a 5 mile walk this weekend around a lake. I have done this walk before I was banded and I had to stop multiple times. It lasted forever and never seemed that I would reach the end. This time we barely were sweating. My boyfriend was the sore a few days after. And it was a relaxing walk, even manged to jog on and off. The second half we walked the trail versus road. This helped break it up. I felt proud that it wasn't difficult to walk that far.
Goal for this week: Get some good work outs in
Weight for today: 200
I haven't been to the gym in one week. My first week of not going to the gym since January. It felt good to have a break but I know it will be even harder when I go work out tonight. I have to make up for lost time. Plus I have been working longer hours so I haven't made it to spin class in almost a month. I know when works slows down next week I will be able to get back on that bike.
It is amazing how work is suppose to only be a 9 - 5 job but it seems to consume my life right now. It has been my priority over a lot of things these past 2 weeks. I am the only employee here with my job title so it can be good but bad at times. Overall my job is pretty relaxed but times like this it just has to be first so I can be mellow the rest of the time. Its a give and take. Just like anything else in life right now. I gotta GIVE my band good food choices so it will TAKE my pounds away.
I did manage to do a 5 mile walk this weekend around a lake. I have done this walk before I was banded and I had to stop multiple times. It lasted forever and never seemed that I would reach the end. This time we barely were sweating. My boyfriend was the sore a few days after. And it was a relaxing walk, even manged to jog on and off. The second half we walked the trail versus road. This helped break it up. I felt proud that it wasn't difficult to walk that far.
Goal for this week: Get some good work outs in
Weight for today: 200
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