Another Fill

The actual fill process was very painful. He has always had a hard time hitting the silicon area. I have him numb me but I can still feel him hitting the plastic part of the port as he tries to find his way to the silicon area. It slips a lot. Therefor it ca be very painful. It is a grinding type of feeling. Not fun.

I really feel the difference though. I can't eat as much and I get full quicker. I feel fuller longer and I am finally enjoying it. Hoping that this is a start of getting on track and loosing.

Today I had my follow up appointment for my recent fill. Since the last fill was so aggressive he really wants me to get on track to loose. I told him I how much I can eat but yet how much I notice a difference. It has really helped. He still felt that I wasn't quite there yet so he gave me a small, itty-bitty fill today to add to the larger fill recently done. Surprisingly he hit the marker the first time! It was so brief it surprised both of us. Usually the doctor and I talk about how difficult the fills are... today we just laughed in shock. It was great. Even better I didn't have to be there very long since the appointment went so quick. My port has moved as I have lost weight and started to lay at an angle.

As always a reminder to keep up with my vitamins, eat proteins and drink lots of water. I am so bad at the water part. 

This past week I have been working harder at not babying my injury. I still have no feeling in the impact area of my leg .. and I have a permanent indentation as my scar. Can't be a big baby! I am trying my best to get back to working out hard. I jogged 1 mile without stopping (Big Deal) and I also swam laps. I love swimming. It is a work out but it also relaxes you. I am still going to my acupuncture appointments once a week. This last one was amazing! I got that tickling current feeling again all over, but I also twitched a lot. I guess that means that when you flinch the pressure points were hit perfectly. It will have bigger results. Fingers Crossed.

This weekend I am going out for a bachelorette weekend for my new sister-in-law. I have no nice hot slutty clothes anymore. Nor can I afford to go shopping before hand. I am feeling already I will be out of place wearing flats since I can't wear heals due to my injury... and pants... who where pants to a club!?! Hoping my negativity with my clothes isn't a big deal and ruins my fun. Hanging with only a few girls I know and I am not really part of the circle of girls anymore... so it should be an interesting weekend. Wish me luck.


Weight for today: 205

Party Pointers

It has been 4 days since my  last confession  latest fill. I am feeling pretty good so far. I haven't felt hungry and I am trying not to eat too large of portions. Mushy food passes easier but the denser foods I definitely can't eat a lot of. Or if something is too dry. In some way I am kind of scared to force myself to eat too much. I really want this fill to be the one that works.

I went to two parties this weekend and both served lunch. Both parties were a lot of fun aside from the eating part. It is always good to see my close friends and get caught up. It in a way, recharges me. I didn't want to eat too much while there since I didn't want to get stuck. So I ate oatmeal or a yogurt before leaving the house. It really helped to have the right kinda of snack prior. I didn't over do it. But social eating definitely is a downfall.

Party 1: Had a mix of Asian foods from Chinese, Filipino and Hawaiian. It is hard not to eat something fried or a carbohydrate with such a selection. In stead of taking a bit of everything like I normally do... I picked a couple of things that were my favorite and just ate those. The desserts I happen to not be fond of so I didn't feel tempted to eat. The chicken that I did eat almost got stuck. I had to eat a little amount while chewing longer, then waiting a bit to eat more. I was getting a few looks since everyone else around me was devouring their plates. My bf and I now have a hand signal when he sees me stop eating... While no one is looking I point to my chest and then he knows what is wrong. I end up having to use the bathroom to spit up that thick-dog-slobbery-saliva that gathers in back of your mouth when you get stuck. Luckily it didn't turn into me throwing up.

Party 2: No selection except chicken casserole, strawberry salad and bread. I should of skipped on the bread and the casserole. But I managed to eat it. It haunted me the remaining of the day. Just say no to anything baked with mayo, cheese and topped with potato chips. Dessert was cupcakes... I had 2. Not the lowest calorie lunch. But since I ate a larger lunch I ended up eating a small bowl of soup for dinner. So all in all I stayed within my calorie limit for the day. Learned that casseroles may taste good but don't agree with my tummy.

It is always a battle to stay focused with so many temptations at a party. Here are a few party pointers:
- Don't stand near or around the serving area.
- Stay clear of open candy dishes.
- Pick a favorite entree and not entrees.
- Always take more green salad to fill up your plate first - there is less room for unhealthy choices.
- Be social and stay occupied. I know when I am bored I eat more. 
- Drink a lot of water.
- Have a healthy snack before the party. That way you don't over do it.

Goal for this week: Water, Water, Water.

Weight for today: 204 (ouch)

A Very Aggressive Fill

Off to the surgeon I went to have my band filled and a little pep talk yesterday. I told him all about how I can't tell what I had concerns about.... How I can eat a huge meal one day but the next of next meal I end up getting stuck, I feel hungry, I can't tell what that perfect portion would be, my no carb plan, my new Shakeology shakes, the frustrations I feel that each new thing I am trying isn't working, and most importantly how I haven't lost any weight this past year.

So his answer to all of my questions... A very aggressive fill. I had my appointment at 3pm. Way later than usual and therefore when I weighed in I was 209. Wholly Shit! Not good. He wants me to come back in a couple of weeks to see if this large fill really helps. He wants 2 days of liquids and me to continue to write down what I eat.

If this fill doesn't work then he wants to have the next fill adjustment done under an Xray where it is live with contrast dye that I swallow. I have had this done before and it is a pretty cool technology. But is expensive. The last time I had it done which was my first fill, I was already past my deducible so it was covered. Today, I think I would have to pay the full amount. Ouch!

Since my fill, I haven't felt hungry. I had a shake for dinner last night and was fine. This late a morning I am having a packet of watered down oatmeal and some tea. Kinda scared to eat solids but we will try some mushy things first.

So far so good... fingers crossed this works.

p.s. I am burping like crazy. Maybe my band is moving air out to make room for the liquids?

Minus Zero

The last few weeks I have made more of an effort to work on myself mentally and spiritually. I am learning it all comes full circle. From reading more about how to live my life not in that 'diet' mentality - to going to acupuncture sessions - even meditation. I over all feel pretty good so far about these new choices.

But as I reflect on the last few months I become upset at myself that I haven't lost any weight. I get kinda sad and mad at myself. I know that this new positive mindset I shouldn't be... but I do wish I was down at least some. I am gaining two and then losing two. It is frustrating. Normally I weight myself multiple times thru the week. I am trying my best to not do it everyday. A number shouldn't really upset me.. deep down, it does. The funny thing is I keep being told I am looking thinner. My clothes don't fit me any different and with the scale not moving... I am sure confused. 


Year one minus 30lbs. 
Year two minus zero.

I have a fill appointment this week with my surgeon. I really need to see what I can do to get the pounds off. Maybe they have some suggestions to get me out of this rut. My band has been tight at times, then way loose at others. Sometimes the same foods don't go down well or they are to dry. It is hard to pin point what works when it is not consistent. Definitely frustrated.

Yoga, Swimming and Meditations

Wow, I do feel a cloud has been lifted and I feel at ease. You may think it is in my head... but if you believe that acupuncture really works... then you know exactly what I mean.

Aside from sleeping like a baby for multiple nights, I have felt less stressed and more calm about what I have control of. Since I have been sleeping so well I feel refreshed when I get up. I haven't felt groggy and grumpy. And wholly shit, I have even been up before the alarm! If you know me, I love my sleep and I hate getting up. I am not a morning person.

Well, well, well... what is a girl to do when she gets up early on weekend.... go to the gym of course. I ended up randomly at the 9am Aqua Fit class. Yep, me and a bunch of old ladies. It was definitely an odd class. I felt very in shape and very young. I didn't really get much of a workout but it was relaxing. I am a fish. I love to be in the water. I haven't been in a pool in a while... and it just felt like I returned home. I grew up swimming and I wanted to be a life guard in my younger days. Reality sunk in and I knew I physically couldn't do it. I wasn't a fast swimmer. Any how... I relaxed in the pool with my ol' peeps... and then after they re-laned the pool I did laps for about 20 minutes until it started to get crowded. It felt so good to swim. I was in heaven and so overwhelmed with joy thru the remaining of the day. I loved it. I have to return.

Not only with the swimming I have been to yoga class 4 times the past 2 weeks. I am so not flexible and I hate every second of the class since I can't flex as much as everyone else. But even though at a quick glance the other people look like they are workin' the poses... look a little closer... they are all shaky and most likely thinking the same thing about themselves. Once the class is over I feel great. That is what matters. 

I know I really need to be continually working on myself. So I meditated more this weekend. Just as simple as... laying on the bed, headphones in my ears and calmly breathing. I didn't feel silly doing this in a new place. I kinda thought my bf would joke around about it. But he is very supportive of me doing it. He left me alone and let me do my thing. Maybe because he sees a difference in me so far? I hope so, since I feel it. I want to portray it externally. I want it to work.

I can't wait for my acupuncture appointment tomorrow. I am stoked to tell the doctor.. shamen... guru... tech... whatever you call'em... my results of the previous week. I know when I am at the end of my 6 weeks I will see a difference. In 1 week I have... can't wait to see the long term effects.

Goal for this week: Yoga and eat wisely while traveling.

Weight for today: 199.5 (still kickin' it here)

Mellow The F Out

Wednesday was my first Acupuncture appointment. I'd have to say it turned out to be pretty cool and I felt the results. Sounds kinda odd... but I do think this will work to bring my blood pressure down. This is a pretty small company. It is owned by a young couple probably around the same age as I am. I have spoke with both of them and they aren't dirty hippies... ha ha ha... they are very much real medical professionals.

The first initial appointment is set up where the first part of the session is filling out a form for your medical history and the issues you wish to resolve. Then once you go over the forms wit the specialist, they take you into a warm, low lite room. The room is set up for some serious relaxation. I could of fallen asleep in this room. The table you lay on, back down, was so soft. The lights were low and there was some low level ambient music playing. He calmly speaks to you and tell s you each thing he is doing. My session was set up to be in my legs and one needle in my forehead. Right between the eyes. You don't feel a thing.

Once he sets you up with all of the placed needles, he leaves the room.. turns the light off to be a single nightlight and turns the music up slightly. It is warm and cozy now. So you lay there for a certain period of time. You can move but I tried not to since I had never done this before. I took some deep breaths and try to relax. I was in there a total of 30-40 minutes. Within 15 or so... my body started to feel tingly. Like someone was stroking a feather against my skin, a slight tingling began just below my skin. It moved up from my legs to my hips, then up into my arms and chest. It was such a bizarre feeling but felt great one. (And no it wasn't an orgasm dirty birds!) This feeling went on all the way until he removed the needles at the end of the session. I asked him what that was... he smirked and said that I was relaxed and that was my inner Chi.

Whoa buddy! 


I have felt more relaxed, happier when I get out of bed, but the big bonus is that I have fallen asleep rock hard for the whole night... never woke up once. That is worth every cent.


I am definitely going back!


In addition to these treatments I have to take herbal supplements to fix my Yen &Yang levels. I have so many vitamins and now 2 more herbal tablets I can fit them into my traveling vitamin tray anymore. So I have upgraded his this bad boy.... 

Now my vitamins won't make a jingle jangle sound in my purse. Nice and tidy sound proof pouches. Can be found on Magellan's website.