1 YEAR

I have been looking forward to this post since day one. I wondered where I'd be in my life a year after gastric banding. Let's just say it's way better that I could of imagined feeling. Its taken me a few days to gather what I wanted to write.

I am here to Oct 19th 2010, and I was out of words to say. Me, speechless - It does happen. How can that be, you say when I was so anxious to get here. I can't tell you why exactly ... maybe because I am back in the 200's this week after finally getting to 198.6 after many months of struggle. I am disappointed I am not where I want to be with my weight. 25 pounds came off pretty easy - I barely had to try or think much about it. The last 5 pounds have taken like 5 months or longer. I have had multiple fills, never PB'd, been up and down in my restriction, I exercise 3-4 times a week for 2 hours each time. Not really sure how to wrap all of my feelings about the last few months of struggling loosing weight, but I can tell you is how this past year has drastically changed who I am as a girlfriend, sister, daughter and friend.

I am a happier person. I smile way more, I have emotions I never knew I would feel wit my hormone levels back on track. I am not on any medication for high blood pressure, birth control to make myself have my periods, high cholesterol, migraines are gone! I have been better with my finances. I couldn't ever figure out why I lived pay check to paycheck when I was making more money than I have in the past. I ate out for breakfast, lunch and dinner majority of the week. I was eating myself into debt. How freaking crazy is that? Now I treat myself to eating out instead of making it a habit of day to day life. I could tell you what napkin went with what restaurant at the quickest glance - because that is how much I ate out. I also hid how much I ate and where I ate. I would buy a combo meal and add additional items to it. I ate enough for 2 or 3 people - just for lunch. I could of told you who worked the night shift at the drive thru of Jack In The Box. I was killing myself inside and with my own money. I was a sad person on the inside even though there was no real reason why I should be upset. I just got used to being fat and unhealthy.

Since a year ago this week, I have come so far and my journey isn't over yet. I still have weight to loose and maintain for the rest of my life. I am banded for life. This is who I am today and beyond. I don't think I have cheated or taken the easy was with my weight loss by having a band. I don't even think if I didn't have gastric bypass instead. I knew in the beginning that banding was the way for me to go. I knew it would take longer to loose weight, but knowing that there were more benefits to it for my lifestyle - it was right for me. Sometimes I think I am crazy because I have something in my stomach placed there to help me loose weight. That people loose weight every day - but for me, it never stayed away. I would always gain it back and more. Even though my weight loss has been slow- I have maintained. I haven't given up even going to the gym. It's part of who I am today.

I am most thankful this past year because I have really experienced who my friends are and who is there for me no matter what. They may think I was crazy or didn't agree with my choice... but they have stuck with me and I am forever grateful for the support that each person has given me. My parents have been the biggest supporters in all of this - from caring for me last year in the hospital and weeks following - not forcing me to eat with them and allowing me to do my own thing without judgement. My boyfriend I am also grateful for. He has been very supportive with working out. When I am not so motivated he pushes me, he motivates me just by telling me how nice I look which makes me feel like the most beautiful person to him. He wants me to be healthy for 'us' so we can live healthy and happy together. I am still working on him about eating out less. That is a work in progress which I think once our living situation changes it will work in my favor. I have slowly started to bring meals to cook for us on the weekends to his house. I am enjoying cooking and he is enjoying eating it. So with more baby steps we will get there.

This year is the first of many to come. It seems like forever but its just the beginning. So far, I have lost 32 pounds and I am a size 14 from size 22.

I don't regret anything that has happened this past year. It was a year of self discovery. I've been searching my whole life for me and I only have seen glimpses of who I am to become. I am excited to meet this person and I know that this next year will be totally unexpected but a great one indeed.

Thank you for reading along.

Weight for today: 200.2 lbs.