New Motivation

My ass looks like that right?

Granted I thought I could fit into these when I picked these up at Target this weekend. Size XL. So cute! I didn't try them on prior to buying. They do fit, but they are a little snug so it makes my chub on my sides stick out like a muffin top. I could return them but I think I will hold onto them as my new motivation. I am going to hang them on a hanger to view everyday. I know I can't wear them in public BUT maybe when I go on my cruise in September.

(I just realized that it is the same time as the BOOBS events. Dang, I so wanted to go too! Hope you ladies have tons of fun.)

130 Days till Cruise! Fingers crossed. X

Gotta get to Onederland!

My first week of liquids went okay. I wouldn't say that I was perfect the whole time, but I did really and honestly try to eat better... Until this weekend. Mid week I had lost two pounds (woo hoo, GREAT) but didn't weigh myself for the rest of the week until this morning for my weekly weigh-in. I gained one pound from the two I lost. Um okay that is alright I guess. It was a sad morning but I know what my issue is with last week!?!

I am great while at work, I am in my controlled environment, I don't really take any time for a lunch and eat what I bring. Last week was protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. I had two scoops of protein mix in my breakfast shake to help me thru the day more. It seems to work. If I could go thru the whole day without a dinner I would of, but I went home to eat a dinner. I made somewhat of an effort to eat a good meal. Aside from a few sweet treats thru the week... I would say I did an 80%.

I would say that the way I eat today from when i was first banded is a lot more. I think I am being more lenient with what I put in my mouth versus being so strict upon my self as I once was. Maybe that is because I don't really feel much restriction compared to then. I feel like I am struggling with eating the right foods.

As for the weekend it was a different story. The two pounds must of been to my head and I must of thought I was skinny... but having a mother's day dinner, then popcorn at the movies, ice cream before bed... then eating out for dinner on Sunday followed by more ice cream... well that is the reason for the one pound gain.

It is like I want to be less than 200 pounds so bad, but I am not working as hard as I should (and know I am capable of). I lived, I learned, I am now in a new week... Gotta get to Onederland!

Goal for this week: Continue liquids thru the WHOLE week

Weight for today: 202

Back on Liquids

... Well until I get a jump start.

Today is my first day back on liquids since I have been eating poorly these past few weeks. I really need to kick my butt in gear and focus. I figure I will do a few days of liquids and see how long I can go until the weekend. I need to do something. I have to be more motivated and set some goals that I need to be more serious about. I have the working out part down, I just need the calorie intake to be fixed. Carbs and sweets don't fit into this goal. I have been feeling un-motivated the past few weeks, things have been a bit fuzzy. I think the weight loss had gone to my head, then I realized even though people have been noticing more and complementing me, I am really not focusing. I am no where near my set goal and being 6 months out and only down less than 30lbs is not want I want.

Help me to be strong and disciplined!

Maybe I was feeling in a funk because of my period. Not too sure. But whatever it was only spotting for 8 whole days and not really having a period told me that my body is not quite there yet. Gotta stick to my routine, protein waters and staying busy.

Again... Help me to be strong and disciplined!

Goal for this week: Liquids

Weight for today: Kickin' it at 203 still

Feeling Normal Again

I really need to cut back on my calories since I have been lingering around these few pounds. It is getting very frustrating. But I honestly know what I have to do. I gotta kick myself in gear. I have been a snacking more and that isn't really me since I don't do that. But wanting to eat everything things in sight and being a bottomless pit is not a good thing... I figured out why though! I finally am allowing visitation rights to Auntie Flo! I hope that it now comes regularly each month so my body knows what the heck is going on. I have only have my period a handful of times this past year.

The last time I went to see my doctor I had blood tests done. I do this every year as part of my annual. This time I compared my test from last year to this time... I am 100 percent normal range in all of my results. Whoo hoo. So with me getting my period that means my body has less percentage of fat, there for my estrogen levels are leveling out thus allowing my period to come. This means that if I can get my period to keep coming back that I would be regular again and be able to get pregnant in the coming years. That is a big deal to me since one of my biggest reasons for doing gastric banding...to be healthy enough to have kids and then after that be able to keep up with them. I was afraid I just was too heavy and it would not be something possible to do. My fingers are crossed that my body knows it is on the right track.

I bought new bras this weekend. I treated myself since I really needed new ones. I spent a lot of money but it is worth it since I wear them everyday. Now I am in the right size bra and my boobs look even smaller. I feel kinda flat chested. I know I am not but it is the smallest my boobs have been in a REAL long time. If you live in the San Diego area there is a great place called "Enchantress" in Mission Valley. It is a bra, naughties, bridal store. They help you find the right bra and offer great one on one service. If you allow them they will come int he dressing room to help you. Seeing you topless is nothing to them since they look at boobs all day long anyhow. Totally sweet staff. I went from a 38 to a 34 band! Stoked!

Goal for this week: consume less calories

Weight for today: 203

10 Things I Don't Miss

1. Stomach aches from eating bad foods
2. Shopping only at Torrid
3. High blood pressure medicine and monitoring it
4. My triple chin
5. Stretching out my t-shirts before putting them on
6. Thinking about my next meal before I finished the one in front of me
7. Weekly caffeine withdrawal migraines
8. The amount of money I spent eating out Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner
9. Heavy breathing just walking
10. Tummy extending out past my boobs

6 MONTHS

I have officially made it to my 6 month bandiversary date! Granted I didn't loose any weight this past week but that is okay for now. I am just so happy that I have come this far and I don't think I would of been able to keep it up for this long if I wasn't banded. Hooray Me!


What has got me thru to today?
1. FASHIONABLE WATER BOTTLES - for the gym, protein waters, water helps the skins elasticity

2. BLENDER BALL - I use it everyday to mix my protein shake mix + benifiber + soy milk. The blender ball works great for on the go, Early morning rush to work and traveling. It makes my life a little bit simpler.

3. THE SCALE - Knowing I have to weigh myself no matter what each week has been the simplest but difficult part of this process. It can be a great day that makes me skip thru the week or it makes me get down on myself for a few days. It is more mental than anything.

4. THIS BLOG OF COURSE! - I have followers who read my posts makes me realize that I have to be honest with what I am going thru and what the good & bad of everyday is like. I can't lie. I have to be honest just like everyone elses blog. Posting a goal & my weight for each Monday post makes me consistent so when I read back months from now I will really see how far I have come!


Goal for this week: Proteins first! No bread!

Weight for today: 204

Three Biggies

Thanks for the comments about how I was feeling last week. I was pretty irritated with how when I compare myself to the progress and time frames of others. This week I have to think of a new start. I explained my frustrations to my surgeon and he added 1cc more to the band. I now have a total of 9cc's. To me that seems like a lot but I truly don't have a ton of restriction. Granted I can't eat like what I did prior, but I can sure eat a lot and not feel full. I am trying to remind myself about eating slower, chewing completely and always eating a protein. Fingers crossed that with the additional cc added today I will be on a new path. (the downward path!)

Three big things happened last week. I did my second spin class. I did one the week prior and blogged about it. But I also mentioned I took the beginner class. Well last week I took the male instructors' class. He blasts the music really loud and he raises his voice like a drill instructor. Yea, I took that class! Even though he is yelling, he is pushing you and motivating you to push more each time. I kept up with the rest of the class. I was so proud of myself. I felt good once I was done. This was on Tuesday.

Then Thursday's gym date I went to the yoga class. I finally went to the class. All that crap about me saying I would keep going... I never went until last week. Granted it isn't as straining as the spin class... but damn after wards I felt so sore.. and for a few days. I know I am not as flexible as I once was but if I keep up with it I will be like Gumby one day.

This past Saturday my boyfriend and I met up with my friend and her husband. Instead of going out to eat like we normally do, we went for a hike along the beach and on this hill that we have titled THE BOOTY BUSTER HILL! Just imagine a steep paved road going up hill for almost a half a mile. Once you reach the top there are trails you can take. The area is called Torrey Pines State Beach. We chose the trail that lead us along the hillside and down to the beach. The point of the story is that my boyfriend and I used to walk this hill a lot last year. I would always have certain spots I needed to stop at to catch my breath. Before we met up with my friends he asked me if I would be able to do this hill since we had not done it in a while. He wasn't completely doubting me but I think he didn't want me to embarrass myself in front of my friends if I had to stop. They are runners and pretty fit. I just blew off what he said b/c I knew I could physically do it now. So not only did I pass the first stopping point... I PASSED THEM ALL! Take that stupid hill! I am in so much greater of shape and doing cardio more has totally paid off. Everyone told me how amazed they were that I could keep up. It made me feel pretty damn good.

Here is a photo of us at the top of the hill!

Goals for this week: Think thin thoughts

Weight for today: 204 (Next Monday is my 6 month bandiversary. I hope to NOT be 204 then. Grrr....)

I don't get it! What is the secret?

I am always trying to stay positive with what I write or think about my journey but today for some reason it dawned on me that even though I LOVE to read other blogs, it also makes me sad. Am I doing things all wrong?

When I am reading other banding blogs I see how much weight lost and then check out when they were banded. What, down more than me and been banded months less... I don't get it!?! I am proud of them (you) in so many ways. But I am questioning why I haven't lost as much in the same amount of time. I know, I know, everyone is different. But just knowing someone can eat like a half of a cup of anything and feel full totally irritates me. I feel like I am eating like a horse. (granted I am not b/c I am banded) It is the fact I can eat a larger quantity than that and not feel full... or get hungry not too long after.

I am coming up on my 6 months in a few weeks and I keep lingering at this weight. It is pissing me off b/c I am totally trying by uping my cardio and not indulge in sweets from time to time. I eat my proteins first, I chew and chew each bite, I drink water thru the day. But yet I can still eat a fair amount. I don't log my food everyday like how I was, but I do take a mental note of how many calories I am consuming.

I honestly felt that the last fill I had would do the trick and I was on the right path. That it would be my sweet spot. It felt good for about a week, then nada - nothing - no restriction. It comes and goes, morning, noon or night... It is never consistent. A month ago I would of said that I was at my sweet spot and would of moved out my next fill. But now that I am comparing myself to other bandsters, I realize that this is not my special spot and all I have is to compare myself to the blogs I read. It could be a good thing, but today it seems like a bad thing.


I don't get it! What is the secret?

Back on Schedule

So after last week's weight-in being up at 206, this week I have faced the facts that I did gain and focused on how to fix it. Everyday I weighted myself, obsessively - yes - I know! I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. I hated the scale everyday but prayed to it just to go down. Chanting in my head when I stepped on. Each day it went down ounces and ounces... until today when it stated 203. I will take it! I know it is only one pound more than what I wanted to be back on track, but it is what it is, right? So April 5th 2010 I weight 203. Back on track I go... to keep on trucking.

Last week I did all cardio, no weights. I went to my first spin class. And it isn't as hard as it looks. But I also don't think I would of done it if I hadn't been doing a half an hour on the spin bike myself. It gave me enough courage to do it on my own. Plus going to the yoga class - even though the instructor wasn't there, it made me feel less intimidated for the next time. I think just getting over that fear of not being able to keep up or I am the biggest one in the class is ALL MENTAL. Who cares, at least you are there and doing something about it!!! Facing the demon of failure. I also realized that I am more likely to push myself if others are around. Pulling that energy from others and using it to my benefit. (It works, I swear!)

Goal for this week: Attend Yoga Class tonight!

Weight for today: 203

My 1st Spin Class

The sight of my bikini photo in my blog lead me to this!

I have been mentally preparing for this for awhile now. I finally got enough courage to go to a Spin Bike class at the gym last night. I wasn't really nervous, I just questioned if I could keep up. In fact, not only did I keep up but when the thinner people in my class were tired and they stopped - I just kept following the instructor. I took the bike that was right in front of the instructor so I could pay attention the whole time. And mimic what she was doing. Granted out of the two Spin instructors at the gym, her class isn't always as full as the other class. I think it is because she doesn't push as hard. She is more of the beginner class. Perfect for me until I get the hang of things with my form and seat placement.

So glad I did it. Next time will only be easier.

(As a side note: I finally went to the Yoga class. But the instructor didn't show up on Tuesday when I went. So lame, didn't even call to cancel the class either. I was bummed. Maybe next week I can go to the Monday class.)