Negative Support

I really hate it when someone knows you are trying to loose weight and they comment on what you eat, ate or will be eating.... then ask you to dinner to junk food or asks you if you want to go for ice cream.

Like judging eyes when you eat a small bit of bread while you wait for your meal to be served at a restaurant or if you ordered something that isn't as healthy. "You know you shouldn't be eating that if you want to loose weight."

OR....  Even worse when you get the up and down look, then they ask... "Have you lost any weight lately?"

What kind of support is that!?! 

In a way, I want to eat another piece of freaking bread slathered in butter just to piss them off. I hate being told what to do. I hate being judged for little things. Like I need to be regulated. That isn't how you support a loved one.

Someone so close to me should not judge, someone who should be supporting me with positivity, someone who should love me as I am, someone who has never dieted in their life never understands.

Sure I am a foodie, I love food, I love the way certain food tastes, I love cooking, I enjoy it, but that doesn't mean I obsess about it like I used to. I have control. Shit, I am 32 years old and I am being talked to like a child.

I don't get it. Sigh...



Goal for this week: Don't sweat the little stuff

Weight for today: 198.8

p.s. I think my goal form last week was to be positive. Sorry for my rant.

I Used To Be Fat > MTV Show

Okay, So last night in my Nyquil induced comma I had a dream I was being perused by one of the guys from Jersey Shore! I think his name is Ronnie. Maybe he will get in a fight for me? Oh reality TV - How it sucks us in!


It must of been because I saw him on an infomercial for a weight loss program in the wee hours of the night. Maybe he will help motivate me? Oh reality TV - How it shows Americans are crazy and uneducated!

It also oddly made me think of MTV's other show 'I Used To Be Fat'.

Has anyone seen this show? It is pretty crazy how much weight these kids loose within one summer. Umph, a little less bitching for me - I need some of their motivation...

Here is a summary from MTV's website:
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College is all about reinvention. It's a time in a teen's life where they can leave behind all of the preconceived notions people had about them in high school and start fresh. Unless they're massively overweight. 

'I Used To Be Fat' is a new documentary series profiling teenagers desperate to shed their unwanted pounds before heading off to school. We'll send a weight loss guru to work with each person and they'll go through rigorous fitness regimens and work with experts to learn how to change the habits that caused them to gain so much weight. 

Each one-hour episode will focus on a different student, following them from the last weeks of high school to the first crucial days of college, and giving viewers an inspirational and intimate account of their emotional and physical transformation, as they struggle to change their attitudes, eating habits, and ultimately their lives. 

But this summer is about more than just losing weight for these teens -- it's also about figuring out who they are and who they want to be. It's time for them to stop leaning on mom and dad and to learn to stand on their own two feet. It's a chance for them to realize that if they don't take charge of their lives now, they never will. 

Throughout each show, viewers will witness how each teen's life and view of the world starts to change as they start to lose weight, and they'll see them when they debut their new look -- and their new outlook -- on their first day of college.

At the end of each episode, we'll catch up after a few months of college to see where they are now. Have they kept the weight off or gained it back? Is college life what they'd dreamed it would be? And what will their families and friends say when they see them again? 

Some will lose the weight. Others will fail. But either way, this will be the most important summer of their lives.

_____

If you haven't watched it yet - Do it. It is an hour of TV you will want to watch and learn from or relate to - unlike Jersey Shore.

In The Right Direction

Blogging isn't much fun when you don't loose any weight - lets just get that out in the open. It sucks to read of others successes and see exciting progress photos. I feel like downer-debbie with the posts I have made recently. So I am going to be more positive in 2011.

That is my word for the year... P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E!

With that said my weight has finally started to move in the right direction. Hooray. But I owe it all to being SICK! Not fun. The last few days I have started to weight myself more often so I can be more accountable. It was 198.6, then 200.2 today. Being sick has kind of been a bit of a reality check. I haven't been taking care of myself the past few months. I have ate whatever I have wanted and just honestly didn't care so much. I have been anti-band. Being sick also has made me realize that I can get thru my day without eating as much as I have been. I have ate soup and drank more protein shakes. 

Since I have been sick, I didn't get my fill done yesterday. Not because I didn't go to my appointment... but because my doctor didn't want me to risk getting the virus to attack my band via my port entry. It is a foreign object and if he were to enter and there was bacteria within that area - it could enter my body. Causing the infection to reject my band. We don't want that happening so I rescheduled for next week. I have to be 100 percent better for him to do it then - if not i have to reschedule again. I wasn't as bummed as I thought I would of been.

Goal for this week: Vitamin C overload

Weight for today: 200.2

Re-Do Week 4

Wow, when I thought I was putting effort into something I would of expected some results. The only thing I got was a few pounds ADDED! Not Subtracted. Not because I followed my 4 week plan BUT because I didn't even do the plan that I set forth. What a horrible rule maker I am. You can call me...
THE COOKIE MONSTER
Paint me blue and toss me a sweet sugary cookie. 

I love the holidays but I let it get the best of me. So now I confessed I didn't do crap in regards to what I set forth.. I am going to make new 'rules' and see if I can make a fresh start for the new year. It is all about a clean slate.

I am going to try to be better about these things:
Keep up the full hour of Cardio
No Carbs
Eat small portions
Take my vitamins
Think Positive
Drink more Water

I have my fill appointment on Jan 12th. So I hope to of made some improvements within my self by then. I really hate that I haven't progressed at all these months that just passed. It is my own fault. I am not even in te Onederland like before. Sad. I keep saying I will but not 100 percent into it. I love that I am a size 14 but when I can tell from a few weeks ago that they are a bit snug... that is the part that makes me mad. I feel sluggish and my skin is a wreck. I feel like I added back my 30 pounds within 2 weeks. (I didn't really but that sure is how it feels)

Goal for this week: Do it!

Weight for today: 202.4 lbs.

The Holiday Beast

This is a repost from when I Google'd "Holiday Overeating'.... Everyone is blogging about overeating and how you feel out of control at times. Figured it was worth sharing. It refers to Thanksgiving thru New Years.

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If you know where to sit at the table and what to eat the day before the big feast, you won’t gain weight this weekend.  Susan Roberts on four holiday diet tricks.

For many dieters, the holidays are a time for giving up. Faced with a six-week neverending onslaught of fattening foods, you know you can’t win, so you resign yourself in advance and then let yourself go.

The typical adult gains between five and eight pounds in the short interval between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, the equivalent of eating about 20,000 excess calories, or 550 calories a day beyond what you need to maintain weight. Will you be able to avoid putting on pounds over the next six weeks if you resolve to watch each and every bite? It’s possible, but not likely—unless you know good ways to limit the damage.

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We can't get away from our instinctive eating behaviors, but we can learn to control them. Here are four simple ways to help yourself based on my incredibly effective "I" diet weight-control program:

1. Start Before Thursday Even if you’re not the one cooking, you’re not at the mercy of your holiday host, especially if you pre-game starting a day or two ahead. One foolproof way to prepare for a particular impending feeding frenzy is to add to your regular meals two or three half-cup servings of a high-fiber cereal like Fiber One Original or All Bran Extra Fiber beginning one or even two days before the big meal. Don’t make the mistake of eating light before Thanksgiving to bank calories—that’s exactly what will cause overeating. Instead, give yourself this satiety-boost to gain fullness and control. When dinner is served, you’ll automatically want to eat far less.

2. Micromanage the Table Surreptitiously controlling your food microenvironment when you do sit down to eat makes a huge difference as to how much goes in your mouth. So as you take your seat, bear in mind that short, skinny neighbors will serve themselves smaller portions and tempt you to eat less than tall, overweight, or athletic ones. If you can't sit next to a featherweight, at least keep the high-calorie foods and alcohol moving down the table away from you, making sure it doesn’t end up within reach. Multiple research studies have shown that the proximity of food determines how much you load onto your plate, so even simple steps like this can be a big help.

3. Skip the Boring Stuff Every holiday meal has some high-calorie things you don't particularly care for. By not looking at, smelling, and especially tasting even a single bite of the mundane items, you avoid revving up metabolic hunger signals unnecessarily and can save hundreds of calories. As for work parties and other events where the food is simply all-around poor, eat something satisfying before you go and keep a glass of seltzer in your hand for a zero-calorie event.

4. Recover Control the Very Next Day Yes we have the metabolic effects of feasts like Thanksgiving that make us hungry for another good meal, and then another, but that doesn't mean you’re helpless. The key to nipping negative cycles in the bud is doing recovery activities in the right order. Although cutting out high-calorie treats starting the next day might seem like the right place to start, in fact this superficially easy route frequently leads to failure because you get hungry and then overeat when you get hungry again. The key here, in my clinical experience, is to recover satiety first. Put yourself on a high-fiber regimen the very next morning—high-fiber cereals, legume dishes, and low-carb, high-fiber breads are best—and see how quickly you lose the urge to overeat. With some good satiety under your belt, you are ready to start eating healthy stuff again and will be better able to keep those pounds from sticking around your middle.

Re-Do Week 3

I am on week 3 and I don't think I have truly weighted myself as much as I normally do. It does feel very odd to me not to weight myself every few days. I stepped on the scale last week once. I just have been so busy with errands and shopping I haven't made much time for my usual habits. The hustle and bustle of the holidays I guess. Which means also not that I have been totally bad with eating, I have done pretty good. I don't recall a day I really over ate. Just trying to remember it isn't the amount I can eat - it is the amount of how little I can eat.

I enjoy my hour of cardio each time I go to the gym. I hate it when I am doing it but I am thinking of things that motivate me. One thing I have been doing is choosing a machine next to someone else who is working hard or running fast. It honestly does help push you. If it is just secretly trying to run along side them or just sweat as much as they are. I swear on it!

I still suck at drinking water.... BAD
I haven't logged in continually each day into my food log.... BAD
One hour of cardio 3x's this week.... GOOD
Didn't drink at the holiday party.... GOOD

Speaking of holiday party! I received more comments from two friends that I haven't seen... well should say haven't seen as much as I would like. I don't hang in the same circle of friends as I use to but we used to hang out a lot. Now I see them less than I would like. Anyhow... the first one asked what I have been doing and how great I looked. She stated she didn't notice at first but then she saw me from far away and saw how small I was. She was more caught off guard in a way. I am not sure. She just reacted very excitedly. The other complement came from one of my guy friends. He just casually said that he could tell I have 'slimed down' and he could tell. Plus I looked nice. He was kinda funny about it. I think he was choosing his words carefully. But it was good to hear this coming from a guy since most are not into such details. What is interesting is that I saw both of these people at Halloween time. But did no one notice then? I haven't lost any more weight since then. (Oh god I wish I had)

This whole re-do challenge is less than a success. I have one more week that I told myself I would allot myself. I have had no budge on the scale. Its been more of an awareness for me mentally then. My fill appointment got rescheduled on me. So I don't go in until January 12th!

I just don't see how I can eat like I can, not loose any weight weeks after weeks.... I work out harder and no results... what is a girl to do....

Goal for this week: Vitamins + Water

Weight for today: ?

Merry Christmas followers!

Extra Dessert Delights Gum - Try It

Wrigley's Extra Dessert Delights Gum

For those who struggle with their sweet tooth just as much as I do... I found this gum at Target last night. It actually is pretty tasty and has enough flavor to really fix your sweet tooth. granted it definitely isn't a nice cold bowl of ice cream but it tastes pretty darn close. I of course got the Mint Chocolate Chip which happens to be my favorite ice cream.

Thanks Wrigley's Inventors. 

Re-Do Week 2

Here is a break down of the past Re-Do Challenge that is turning up to be Challenging! It is really helping me though think about eating and making the efforts to work out.  I also have taken more thought/effort in: Where I want to be with my weight + How hard I need to work + Is eating 'this' worth ruining the day + How I feel emotionally and physically.

FOOD:
I have done pretty well with my eating this past week. I limited the quantity of what I ate and tried to avoid carbs. I did have a sweet tooth a few days but didn't have much around me so the moment passed. It felt empowering. I didn't log continuously thru the week in my food log. I am aware of what I eat everyday but didn't make time at the end of the day to do it. I bought Trader Joe's PowerBerries which are dark chocolate and you don't need much to fulfill a sweet tooth. Two or three little bites and you are good to go. Limitations, my dears, right.

DRINK:
I am still not drinking as much water as I should. In fact, I never put my 1 hour reminder timer on once. I have never been a water drinker and I struggle with this with every 'diet' or 'eating right' thru my whole life. I just feel like I have to be thirsty to drink water. But yet, I drink tea, chai, or juice thru the day. Not the best but I am trying. It is th key to help weight loss... you would think I would just do it!

MOVIN':
I missed Spin both days since I hurt my hip, oh I should say over worked it walking last weekend. It has been sore all week. I think I just needed a rest. So I missed spin Tuesday on purpose but wanted to go Thursday. But missed that too since the seminar I went to ran a bit later than I thought. I did still work out those days and did an hour of cardio. But missing spin can be disappointing since it burns a lot of calories and stress. My boyfriend got a new bike which means I get to use his older one. I have a beach cruiser but it doesn't have gears like his older bike. So we are going this weekend to ride a 5 mile loop near his house.

I think I may had been struggling mentally and what not since I started my period. Again, yes... I am every 2 -3 weeks. It is kinda crazy. Before I would go 2 - 3 months but now it is weeks. It is good since my body is reacting and having it makes me feel healthy. But it is a pain in the ass when you are trying to loose weight and the scale keeps jumping up. I have been loosing a lot of hair recently and not sleeping well. I think it might have to do with me not taking my vitamins regularly.

I received the best complement this weekend at a holiday party from an old coworker... "You look so tiny!" as he held my shoulders with both hands to feel how small I was. It made me feel really great. I had a smile ear to ear and kept telling my boyfriend about what that person said. I think I mentioned it 10 times that night. I am still glowing.

Goal for this week: Spin tonight, Bike on Saturday + VITAMINS

Weight for today: 200.6

Re-Do Week 1

Awe I suck at my new challenge. I know what I have to do but I am just not following my new guides I set. Everyday will be a struggle but what I can't get my mind around is my lack of motivation. I know what I need to do, I talk about what I need to do, I see what I need to do.... but why can't I just do it!?! You know that feeling one gets when you are really unhappy about your weight and you want to change, but yet you feel stuck, like you can't... Whelp folks THAT IS ME. I am not in denial one bit. I know when I am eating something unhealthy. I still eat it though. I'm surrounded by so much temptation. IT'S DRIVING ME BONKERS!

Even though I suck at eating the right things since the start of my plan.... I have followed some of it.
What I Completed: 
- I got rid of the ice cream in the fridge
- The chocolate goldfish crackers are gone
- Set the timer to drink more water 2 of the days
- Tuesday: Spin class + 1 hour legs workout
- Thursday: 30min jog + 30min elliptical + 1 hour back/shoulder workout
- Saturday: 40 min walk and jog
- Sunday: 30min jog + 30min stair stepper + 1 hour arm/triceps workout
(That means I did 4xs the cardio than the week prior.)

Now what I need to work on for full week 2:
- No carbs
- No sweets
- Set timer everyday for water intake
- Keep up increased cardio workouts
- Not eat the candy, rice or bread at my boyfriend's house

Now I just need to find that happy place where I am burning the calories and eating the right foods. Then I should see some sort of change.

Goal for this week: Read above

Weight for today: 200.6

P.S. On the bright side I am feeling great because I finally paid off all of my financial debt this past week. AND I am starting to be more creative outside of work by learning more about taking photos. Something I always wanted to do but lacked confidence to do. I have a lighting seminar this week hosted by a pro photographer. I am really excited about that. I also did a night shoot with two other beginner photographers this past weekend. I leave you with two of the shots of Downtown San Diego.... 

My Re-Do Challenge

If I type this out - I really have to do this! My weight today was 202.2lbs!

(A few Fat photos for motivation)

As a follow up to my complete frustration with not loosing any weight for months on end I am starting a RE-DO CHALLENGE. A time of re-focusing and re-gaining control of my weight.

Thank you to those who had posted advice. I really appreciate it and I looked into each option.

No, I am not going to do the 5-day pouch test. It seems like an okay thing to do but I don't see myself following it. It may work for some but in the end it is being 100 percent totally accountable for what you stick in your mouth. So here it is folks... MY PLAN...ONE MONTH... IT'S GO TIME...

CARDIO:
- Increase my cardio to 1 hour on non-spin days (Thurs, Sunday)
- Do more cardio after spin class (Tuesday)
- Get outside an hike, walk or run (Saturday mornings)

CONSUMPTION:
- Set a timer after my meals for 1 hour, At that time I MUST drink 8ounces of protein water
- Go thru fridge and throw out my pumpkin ice cream and chocolate goldfish snacks (bye bye temptation) 
- No carbs, Protein + veggies only - Log everything in Tap-Tract iphone App
- Be consistent everyday of the week not just weekdays (the weekends I haven't been focused)
- Take vitamins daily

FILL SCHEDULED: Dec 22nd 12pm
TIME FRAME: One Month - All of December